Why does it my boyfriend see it as a pressure on him when....?
I tell him that I am afraid of loosing him if he goes to work abroad? He said he hasn't got the job yet and I already see it as a problem. He got upset with me because he thinks I want to influence his decision but that's not the case. I just worry about loosing him? Why do men see it so differently? He said that he regrets he told me all about it. I feel bad now. I never meant to come across as a selfish girlfriend but I wanted to find out if he actually considers me? He said I pressure him about it? I am 28. He is 26. We are both living in Europe in 2 different countries already. He would like to go to New York City just to work for a while to see how it is there like. I live alone in my country, he lives in his.. we visit each other once a month.Nothing is for sure but I have noticed that he talks about it a lot. He got angry with me last night for telling him that I worry about loosing him. What should I do now?
2006-08-09 11:04:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like to send him an email, explaining exactly what I meant. How can I word it so he understands that I love him, and I care for him, I want him to be happy and I don't want to stop him from following his career dream without making him feel guilty and angry? please.
2006-08-09 11:13:45 · update #1
He's probably nervous about possibly moving and you telling him about your worries is the last thing he wants. He probably wants you to be happy and supportive.
If he moves away and you guys don't make it, it wasn't meant to be anyway. Either way, you'll be fine.
2006-08-09 11:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference if he goes to New York as opposed to him being in his own country? You already have a long distance relationship going on. Why can't you make the relationship work the way you're doing now? He got angry cuz he thinks you're trying to influence his life. He thinks you don't trust him. Of course his interpretation is different from what you actually meant to say. Apologize to him and explain that you are not trying to tell him what to do and you were not trying to control his life, you are just expressing your fears. Tell him he has your support and to wish him luck in whatever decision he may choose in life.
2006-08-09 18:19:39 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things don't tend to work out to well with long distant relationships. So, his going away is not the issue, the once a month & living in different countries has been the problem all along. Why are you two in different countries? The only way you won't loose him is to be with him in either his country now or go with him if he leaves.
2006-08-09 18:28:58 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live In Colorado and my husband took a job in Iraq for a year when I did not want him to. Its hard but if its meant to work out it will. You already live in different countries. If you can't handle him moving to another country then count the goods and the bad and let him go. If he gets the job then see if he'll bring you when he first comes out or even after he gets settled. If not then call it quits. Good luck
2006-08-09 18:31:09 · answer #4 · answered by jacymay2508 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you told your boyfriend your concerns. Not sure how serious your relationship is since you only see him once a month. You can't pressure him into something that he's already set his mind to, otherwise you'll lose him for sure. If it's meant to be that you guys get together then it will happen. I also think that you should have an open relationship and see other people.
2006-08-09 18:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a month? what kind of relationship do you have already? You need to let him pursue his dream or whim. You are making him feel guilty and that is why he is getting upset. Maybe if you would say it in a different way he would understand. You do sound selfish for even a once a month visit. Why don't you go with him?
2006-08-09 18:09:53 · answer #6 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I htink he may have some issues and he is taking them out on you. You should never feel guily about telling someone how you feel. Any relationship needs the open communication. Maybe he thinks a trip to New Tork once a month would be ok for you guys as well. Good luck!
2006-08-09 18:10:54 · answer #7 · answered by happy14 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're being to paranoid. He feels you dont trust him. If you're maintaining a healthy long distance relationship now, what would be different? I would get upset to. If its meant to be it will work. Wait till he actually has the job. He talks about it a lot so clearly its important to him and he needs your support. Support him and trust him.
2006-08-09 18:11:29 · answer #8 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't do anything about it,, men just think differently.. If he goes he goes, nothing you can do or say will make him stay or love you. If this were also a SOLID relationship he would take you with him as his wife.
let it go.. once a month?.... you need to find a better man
2006-08-09 18:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by ari_is_me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate to tell you this but you probably already lost him. you both live in different countries there's no telling what he's doing. besides if he gets mad about you saying that then he doesn't care. that's just my experience with guys. sry to tell you bad news. but then i could be wrong. good luck.
2006-08-09 18:09:52 · answer #10 · answered by Blank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋