could i ask everyone in yahoo to tell me a joke for a jokeathon i am doing next month thanks for your help?

Answer 1

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Answer 2

1.

There was a young man who went to a safari. Before the hunt began he was informed that there was this retired guy who was really good at catching gorillas. He decided to talk to the man and pay him as much as the hunter asked. The hunter agreed, on condition that they brought along a savage pit bull, a Zulu, and a Pygmy with a shotgun.

On the 1st day, they found a big ape hanging in a tree. The hunter sent the Zulu up the tree to shake the branches. The ape fell, and the pit bull bit the gorilla's privates. The ape fainted, and they got the beast.

This continued for several times, all the while the Pygmy was not doing anything. The man was getting furious since the Pygmy was just adding to his costs, but he stuck with his promise. Suddenly, they found a really huge silverback in the trees. The Zulu climbed up, but the gorilla was really strong,and it was able to shake the Zulu off the tree. As he did, he screamed to the Pygmy, "SHOOT THE DOG!!! SHOOT THE DOG!!!!"



2.

A blonde was really in need of money, so she decided to kidnap a child for ransom. She went to a park, and saw a little boy. She took the boy, and wrote a note: "If you wanna see your son again, leave $50,000 under the big oak tree in the park tomorrow. Signed: the Blonde". She then gave the boy the note, telling him to give it to his mother.

The next day, she went back to the park, and found the money, along with another note: "Here is the $50,000. I can't believe one blonde would do this to another!!!"

Answer 3

All British jokes;

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler!

Why did the Avon lady smile?

Because Max factor

David Beckham says to Posh, "I've just finished a jigsaw puzzle, it only took me 2 years", "2 years? Thats quite a long time" said Victoria. "Not really, it says 5-8 years on the box!".

A man walks into a butcher and says "I'll bet you £10 you can't reach those bits of beef on the top shelf". The butcher says "I'm not accepting that bet". "Why not?" asks the man. "Because the steaks are too high" replied the butcher!

Answer 4

Steve decided to buy himself a secondhand motorbike. It was a pretty good deal, except one of the seals was missing. So whenever it rained, he would apply some vaseline to the spot where the seal should be to stop the rainwater getting in.

Anyway, one evening, his new girlfriend invited him to dinner to meet her parents. When he drove up on the bike she was waiting outside for him, and said "Whatever you do, don't say a word inside. We've had this silly argument about washing-up and the first person to speak has to do the lot".

When they got inside, Steve saw it was as bad as she said. Nobody was saying a word, and dirty dishes were piled high in the kitchen.

Dinner was certainly an uncomfortable affair, no one saying anything. So Steve decided to have a little fun. He grabbed his girlfriend, threw her across the table, and had sex with her there and then. Her Mum looked shocked and her Dad furious, but no one said anything.

Five minutes later, Steve, got up, grabbed Mum, threw her on the table and gave her a similar seeing to - girlfriend looked shocked this time, dad even more furious, but still not a word.

Suddenly there was a clap of thunder from outside and it began to rain. Thinking of his bike, Steve grabbed the vaseline and jumped out of his chair.

Dad also jumped out of his chair, yelling: "Oh, for Christ's sake. Alright, I'll do the fu**ing washing up!"

Answer 5

My friends and I went hunting for big game. One day I shot five bucks; that was the biggest game we had.

Three guys walk into a bar. Sheesh, you think after the first one, the other two would have ducked....

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I took a vacation to a tropical island. I took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.

What do you call an African-American flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!!

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but only if the light bulb really *wants* to change.

Answer 6

Vladimir Putin - Joseph Stalin Joke:: I quote it from memory.

Russians too make fun of their Leaders!

Putin was sitting worried with his hands supporting his chin.

Stalin Ghost: Hi Putin! Why do you look upset?

Putin: The underlings (subordinates) are a hopeless lot. That's what worries me:

Stalin Ghost: That's easy to tackle. Kill all the underlings & paint Kremlin BLUE:

Putin: Why BLUE?

Stalin Ghost: Ahhh! I know you'll ask about the second part!"

SUGGESTIVENESS of the above appealed to me most.

Source: Mercury News column.

Answer 7

Guaranteed to get a groan!

What goes clip-clop-clip-clop splat?
A Zebra Crossing


What do you call a shy goldfish
A coy carp?!


Why did the shellfish go to the Gym
To flex his Muscles


A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder
Barman says "what would you like"
Man says "a pint and one half for the little fella"
Barman "why do you call him a little fella"
Man "Because he's my newt!"

Answer 8

A guy goes into a bar and sits down. Then he pulls a chunk of asphalt from his pocket and sits it on the bar next to him. The bartender trying to be polite says " Hey mate= what's up with the chunk of asphalt here ?" The patron ,already three sheets in the wind says " How's about a drink for me and one for the road ?"

Answer 9

An Englishman, Irishman and a scott were in a pub. The Englishman lights up a cigarette and say's "Do you know, the other day I had to go and help my daughter catch her hamster that had escaped , well there I was crawling about the floor and as I reached under her bed I found loads of empty Cigarette packs and ciggy butts, I didn't even know she smoked, I was so upset."
"Och, that's nothing" said the Scott "The other day I had to search my daughters room for her lost school book I found loads of empty scotch bottle, I didn't even know she drank."
"Oh that's nothing 't be sure ." said the Irishman. "Last night I was in my daughters room helping her look for her lost Rosary beads well, I found packet upon packet of condoms. Well to be sure I didn't even know she had a willy."

Answer 10

A white horse goes into a pub for a drink. He walks up to the bar and orders a pint. As the barman hands over his beer he says "d'you know, there's a drink named after you?" The horse replies "what, Eric?"

Answer 11

a duck goes into a bar and ask the bartender for some grapes,
the bartender says we only give out drinks here.
the duck leaves,the next day the same thing,and the bartender says i told you no
now get out of here before i nail you feet to the bar.
the duck leaves
well the next day the duck comes into the bar and says
hey bar keep,you got any nails
the bar keep says no why
the duck looks at him and says good got any grapes?