Ok women I was with my youngest son dad for 4 years,believed in him,trusted him.I have 2 older children by a past marriage one a boy and the other a girl. Well leaving him home with the kids he sexually abused my 6 year old daughter and is now in prison.I later find out he also had been cheating on me.I am now remarried and notice my husband has to look at other women to get his jollys.So we fight, all my trust in men is gone.Just trying to find a way to change the way I fill and get my love and head on right.I go to counsiling and have been for about 3 years.I fill betrayed by my youngest son's dad and fill I might be taking alot out on my husband I have now. But also fill I am a very nice person and he needs not to look a others.When I ask him why he does this he says I don't know.Do other females get mad when there man looks at another?Or is it my trust is going to take time to get back and if this is the case what do I do when I fill I am just not what he wants.
2006-08-09 10:03:25 · 11 answers · asked by starlight203_2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he has to look at other women to get his jollies then no you aren't wrong for being upset. If you get offended by a glance and over react then yes you are wrong. You trust people based on their actions, not their words, talk is cheap.
It sounds like you are misunderstanding what trust is all about, as so many people do. Trust is NOT about someone else, trust is about you and trusting yourself to be able to handle whatever comes up. You can't ever control anyone elses actions, not for a minute and certainly not for a lifetime, the only control you have is over you and what you do about it. People don't come with pink slips and are always free to make their own choices, even if they are married, which makes it 'wrong' but they can still do it.
So what you really need to do is make sure you are investing yourself in the right people. The best way to do that is to take it slow and be observant. Anyone can talk a good game but as they say talk is cheap. Actions are everything, when you see someone that says one thing but does another you know something isn't right. Also remember that everybody defines 'love' differently, when you say you love someone their expectations are based on their idea of what that means, which may or may not match yours and vice versa. Make sure you are clear about what your definition is and the FIRST time you experience something with someone that doesn't match that consider whether to continue right then and there.
2006-08-09 10:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Alot of women get mad when there husband looks at other women (in a manner to get jollys). if he is just noticing that someone is attractive then as long as he is not disrespectful to you when he is doing it (straining to look instead of listening, whistling when you are walking beside him, etc) then he is just a normal human being. IF he is as you say getting his jollys (I assume you mean sexually) then most women would be angry and you have a right to be.I just can't help but wonder how long you take to really get to know these guys and how much you really compromised on what you wanted out of life. From the sound of things there have been at least 3 guys in your life that were jerks. How about family members? Do you know that there are some really great guys out there? Do you know you don't have to settle for whoever will take you. That it is ok to be alone for awhile till you find the guy that will love and respect you and your children? I am wondering if your husband would be willing to go to counseling with you? If so that would be a great idea to save this marriage and for you to be able to stand up for yourself and your children without having to feel guilty.
2006-08-09 10:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is the counseling helping at all? Sounds like you have several things going on in your life. You don't need to have an issue with your present husband unless he gives you a reason to distrust him. Otherwise, you will drive him into another females direction. There's nothing wrong with looking as long as he don't go any farther, after all, he is a man. You need to focus on your marriage now & since the ex is being punished, go on with trying to be happy with your family. Leave the past in the past and pray for a better future.
2006-08-09 10:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't get mad when my husband looks at another woman. As long as it's not excessive and disrespectful to me. You need to stop taking your trust issues out on your new husband because you were hurt by your ex. Has he done anything to you (besides look at other women) that would make you feel the way you do? You should try explaining to him why you feel the way you feel and then maybe your husband will learn to respect your feelings more.
2006-08-09 10:22:39 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All men look just like women look. It is our human nature to do so. No harm in looking, none what so ever. I believe it is jealousy that is bothering you and you need to let go of your past marriage. As hard as it may be, let the past go and live in the present. You have a new hubby and love him and trust him. Without trust, you really dont have a marraige.
2006-08-09 10:14:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because your on a diet doesn't mean you cant read the menu. However eating from the menu is not allowed. I think you have trust issues and your partner needs to help you in this area. If he knows how much it bothers you maybe you can work on this together.
2006-08-09 10:12:39 · answer #6 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking is just looking... women are beautiful to look at, so men look.
You'd better learn to accept this, if this is the only thing wrong with your guy.... because believe me, a guy would have to be blind not to look at a woman.
2006-08-09 10:18:46 · answer #7 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not trust 100%. Always be aware of his actions, behavior and routine. Be vigilant. If you are suspicious, hire a PI.
2006-08-10 05:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Marriage does not make people go blind. Looking is one thing, touching is another.
2006-08-09 10:07:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can never trust a man...men say what they want you to hear...MOST men are not honest to begin with..cause they want you and ECERYTHING else that is out there...
2006-08-09 10:10:43 · answer #10 · answered by Daddys Princess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋