When we were dating she said she thought hey were a hot idea (mff), and I thought it was cool coz I'm very open. We were begining to talk about who we might invite to join us but put it on the back burner because we had lots going on. Then we got married. Now she says she doesn't want one. She's terrified that I'll leave her now - which I won't. But I'm really hurt over the fact that she acted open about those kinds of things before we were married, and now that we are she's not open at all. What do other people do when their partner changes after marriage?
2006-08-09 08:43:03 · 32 answers · asked by curius r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the answers - keep 'em coming. Heres a few more details: mmf would be fine. She was never interested. She just had some bi-curious history and used to think chicks were hot. Also, it wasn't like she wanted to do the threesome a long time ago when we first started dating and only recently decided not to when we got serious. She's always wanted a threesome - even just a month before the wedding. And now she doesn't.
Also, I didn't marry her because she liked threesomes. We've never had a threesome and we've been together for several years. I just don't understand why she would change her mind about sex-related stuff after our marriage. We lived together for years before hand. It just seems dishonest, to me.
2006-08-09 09:35:44 · update #1
This is the perfect time for you to score some points my friend. As a woman who isn't afraid of a threesome every now and then I can tell you I don't like it when I feel pressured into it. By bugging her about it you run the risk of making her feel like she's not enough for you, and that will get you no where quick with the 3some thing. This is going to take mucho patience but it may work.....just tell her that you understand and if she changes her mind to approach you about it. Then completely drop the subject, if she has any interest, she'll bring it up.
2006-08-09 09:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by Darci T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the only reason she is giving you is that she is scare you'll leave her, then she has some serious self-esteem issues, did she forget that you married HER and nobody else. Also, I think that with a threesome, it's a much better idea when you are not married because if something goes wrong then it's easier to forgive, which is probably another reason why she isn't so open.
I'd say that if you really want to have a threesome, the best way to do it is to let her plan it, define the rules and pick the person. Prefferably someone YOU don't know so that there is no worries about you leaving her or going behind her back. Let her be in charge and she'll probably be more open to try it.
2006-08-09 08:49:37 · answer #2 · answered by Ricardo P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea anyway,
Could be worse, I know I guy that his wife did a few threesomes before and titillated him with the same, after they got married it was a NO WAY!
That would suck,
This is my thought, once you cross the threesome line -- you're NOT marriage material. A marriage requires you to give and try your best to please the other partner, so how can you try your hardest if group sex is OUT for the person that pays the bills but OK for some stud/or gals on a Saturday night that just lubed you up with a few drinks.
2006-08-09 08:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, the marriage vows either directly include or at least have implied - fidelity. You and her alone in the bedroom - no one else. You can hardly blame her for that.
I had a wonderful girlfriend, who said I could have a threesome because I wasn't ready to stop playing the field but I did want to marry her. When the time came we BOTH backed out. She said she didn't think she could share, and I said neither could I. She was worried I didn't respect her, but I loved her more for being willing to even suggest such a thing, and I told her that, and "now let's not speak of this again."
As to what to do AFTER a marriage, that I couldn't tell you as I never married. All I can think of is MAKE IT WORK.
Good luck.
2006-08-09 08:49:38 · answer #4 · answered by thedavecorp 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ball and chain. Hook line and sinker. YOU did not spell things out clearly with her on your feelings for this. You married her and she just went on the fact that it was overlooked,. now you want something else. you need to talk to her, some people can tollerate an open marriage - some cant. and if she cant tollerate it- dont do it. You will never change her mind on this if she is not accepting of evon the idea of it. if she is worried you would leave that speaks more to trust. And if she cant trust U in that situation just talking about it.... not much you are going to be able to do to change her mind now.
2006-08-09 08:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by Beamer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not married, but I will tell you this. Marriage means you are exclusive to one woman. I understand her worry. So sorry man, but you should've done it before you were married.
This was probably not the advice you were looking for. But if it would upset your wife and create a rift in the marriage, then why pursue it? She may eventually end up doing it, but hating you for it. Furthermore, is there some reason you want to be with another woman? Is she not enough for you? She might feel that is the issue.
2006-08-09 08:49:05 · answer #6 · answered by queenoftheoakies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she senses that there are more emotions at steak now. When she was just your gf if emotions got ugly because of a threesome, she could always find a new boyfriend. Take it as a compliment that she loves you and doesn't want to take that chance with your relationship.
2006-08-09 08:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married her for better or worse, and she is obviously sensing that your mind is drifting. The relationship is totally different now. If she did drugs when you were single, would it be okay if she continued after she became the mother of your children??? I think not.
You need to make sure she understands that you are committed to her, she is your one and only. I am not talking about saying it - words are cheap - I am talking about showing it. Actions speak louder than words.
Now stop worrying about other women - and get back to the one who you dedicated your life too.
2006-08-09 08:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by Christopher B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not have gotten married if you want to participate in threesomes. Threesomes are not acceptable for a married couple. I really feel for you, being so hurt and all, but I feel more for your wife, because her husband wants to screw other women. Get over it, and if you can’t get over it, do your wife a favor and leave.
2006-08-09 08:52:17 · answer #9 · answered by Vampira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have had threesomes recently. We both enjoyed it but we both agreed the minute it harms the other person it stops no questions asked. Your marriage is more important, find other ways to have fun
2006-08-09 14:06:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋