I am being induced on Saturday I am feeling overwhelmed by all the family?

Question

I have a feeling that the in-laws are going to be very opinionated and drive me nuts!
His mother means well but I think she feels that she is coming in to "teach" me and takeover and not respect boundaries.

My mother is coming for a week first and we have discussed that she will be invisible until I ask for her help,.. which im sure will be frequent but I dont want it shoved in my face unasked for.

I just dont want added stress of telling her to back off and give me some space but my boyfriend is well-meaning but I dont think he gets it,.. I am trying to set this up now,......


anyone else ever feel this way?

The frustrating part is that he invited his mother, father, stepmother, sister, brother (Possibly his brothers girlfriend) to the delivery in the hospital, my mother, father and sister are coming as well, induced at 8:30 they are all coming at 10:30. I dont want to be surrounded by people especially when I am in pain,... I appreciate thier concern but I am a private person by nature and I tend to put on a fake smile for people other than him, I dont want to do that and I want alot of this to be between us.
I have been trying to talk to him about it but he says he understands. I kinda feel like ti is his baby too so I should be ok with it.
I am going to sit him down seriously in a nice way and say "you dont understand how I feel or you wouldnt have made this a party"!

Answer 1

Your situation sounds like a mirror image of mine with both of my pregnancies. My mom lived out of state at the time (we were in MI, she was in GA) but the deal was that she was going to come stay with us for a week to help. After we got out of the hospital, we'd be alone for a week, then my mom would come. My inlaws, unfortunately, all lived within 5 miles of us.

We laid down some firm rules. You can come visit in the hospital, but only BRIEFLY. The baby and I have been through a lot, and don't need people asking me a billion questions and passing him around like a football. The great thing about the hospital where I delivered was that visitors had to be buzzed in. The hosp. was in a very nice area, but everyone these days is freaked out about kidnapping/baby switching, etc. so all visitors must sign in. If their name isn't on the list of expected people, the guard would call your room and ask if you wanted them there. They can come sit in the waiting room, but if you don't want them in there, they won't be allowed in.

We were nice and let everyone in (2 visitors at a time) but made it blatantly obvious that we were all tired and didn't want a bunch of noise, commotion, etc. The first week home, we told everyone NO VISITORS. We asked MY mom not to come for a week, to give us some bonding time, peace and quiet, resting time, and if it applies to her, it applies to all. After that first week, the rule was to call before you came over. Generally, if we didn't answer it meant we were sleeping or screening calls. If we truly wanted to see you, we'd have answered the phone. If you don't reach us, call back in an hour.

I know this might sound harsh, but you know...this is YOUR and your boyfriend's baby...not your mom's or mother-in-law's. They raised their children. This baby is yours, they should respect your wishes.

Just make it clear with everyone concerned what your wishes are from the very beginning...no breaking the rules and no exceptions.

Answer 2

My step-mom is like that...my son is 3 now but she'll buy him new shoes because his feet looked "cramped" but she'll buy the same size as his "cramped" ones...I've heard and try to go by the whole idea that you listen without listening ya know....say uh huh...oh yea....and then do it your own damn way...it's gonna be overwhelming especially if this is your first baby but i'm sure that in the end it will be ok because it will be a lot more than you expected...aaand you can nap if someone is there!!! that's so exciting you'll understand that in a week... :o) I'd say if she crosses the line just let her know firmly but nicely that she's steppin' over and you appreciate her help but in that instance it's not neccessary. it will be uncomfortable to say but if you don't stand up for yourself you'll not only be stressed and overwhelmed by a brand new creature and by trying to please...but hey you'll have someone there to get stuff for you, because when you're changing a diaper on the couch or something the day or week for that matter after pushing your first baby out the last thing you wanna do is pack up all the stuff on the couch, the baby so it doesn't fall off, and go run to grab the one tiny thing you forgot....and remember newborns don't stay that way forever, so ignore the bad....it's not forever either and appreciate the time you have with your newborn!!!!

Answer 3

I was living with my in-laws when my first was born. They were pretty good about leaving me alone. I actually felt like they could have done more. The hardest part was that my husband felt like his mom was second guessing all that he did.

If you need some space to relax or let out some frustration, head to your bedroom. Very few guests would ever follow you in there. You might even hang a sign that says "privacy please." Many new mom's need privacy for various reasons -breastfeeding, napping, etc.

Make a to do list for her. My mother-in-law cleaned our bathroom and kitchen while I was recovering from a c-section.

My biggest regret with my first child was that my in-laws came to the hospital an hour after my son was born. Babies get tired so fast after birth and the excitement overwhelmed him as well. I wish I could have had more time as just a new family -Mom, Dad, and baby. That's also the best time to start breastfeeding if that's what you want.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, it is especially hard when it comes to babies. Everyone thinks they know better than the other. My sisters were that way in the delivery room thank God I had to have a C-section, only my husband was allowed in the OR with me. Needless to say the family became split after that so it's been very hard to include everybody and try to listen to advice from everybody and not hurt any ones feelings. Good Luck, just don't let it stress you out too much it will all come to you. The best thing I can say is take any advice with closed lips, and let them help you when you want help.

Answer 5

Having your parents' come in to help is always stressful. But, you will need their help during the first few weeks.

Talk to both sets of parents about the type of help you would like from them. Such as: Help with housework, diches, laundry, and cooking. Let them know that YOU will ask for their help with the baby, IF you need it. Other than that, let them know that they are not to "butt in" with the baby. You and the baby need time to Bond and time to rest.

Ask them to care for the baby so you can take a nap, shower/bath, etc. This really should be the only time they need to help with the baby. The rest of the time, they are there to answer questions, clean the house, help cook the meals, do the laundry and so on.

You have to put your foot down and remind them that you are the mom of the baby and the boss of the house (husband/boyfriend is also boss!) Don't let them push the baby's daddy around either!

Answer 6

That would be my inital reaction too. Now a have a different perspective after #5. You will have a lifetime with your baby. Granmas may only have 1-2 weeks initially. Let them enjoy this unique bond especially if they live far away. Second, let them take care of things and take it easy. Those first few months will bring many challenges. You will be tired and overworked soon. Let them take some of the early burden off of you while your body recovers.

Answer 7

Best I can tell you is Good luck!! No matter, you never win with in-laws or parents. Your going to be very tired anyway the first few weeks from having baby so try not to let either of them bother you and let them take over for those few days or how long you need help. Because once everyone is gone and your left alone to do it yourself, your going to wish they were there. Enjoy your new baby!!

Answer 8

I totally understand where you are coming from, and here's what my hubby and I did: we told our mothers that we didn't want them to come and stay with us when we first bought our daughter home. They may not have liked it, but they respected the fact that we wanted to set up a schedule of some kind with our new baby before we were bombarded with company. Just tell them, rationally and calming without accusations or angry, how you feel and that you want to do this YOUR way! After all, it is your baby and you are going to be the main caregiver for him/her. You have to start this off the way you want to deal with it, or you'll have to start all over once they leave.

Answer 9

Of course!

I was in the hospital for a month with preeclampsia before I had my son. Everyone tried to give me "great" advice, and when they induced everyone was there trying to help us out.

That's nice. Really. But after being told what to eat, when to pee, where to lie for 30 days and having to see my son in the NICU for 17 days I was NOT in the mood to have anyone tell me what to do. I wanted control again.

My mom said it best: you're going to have a lot of advice that contradicts each other. You have to take control and have pride that you know what's best for your baby.

Be honest with you mom and MIL as well as family. Ask your boyfriend to address his parents if you like. You all need room to grow as a family. Help is fine, but you need to learn on your own too.

Also, get used to feeling invisible. The baby will take center from here on out.

Answer 10

It's so easy to feel and become overwhelmed during a time like this, but stop --- and slow down for you and your baby's sake. Trust this, anything you tell your family pertaining to them giving you space should be well understood. Also, any choice you make in regards to your labor (from induction to getting pain meds) is YOUR choice. I just had my baby in May, and my doc was going to induce my labor. My family wasnt sure that this was the right thing to do b/c to them it isnt happening "naturally". Well, do they have M.D. behind their name? I love them to pieces, but the answer is "no". Follow your doctors recommendations. You never know, you may have the baby before induction as I did. As for your mom coming to help you --- trust me when I say this -- you are going to be grateful to have her around. After labor and once u get home, you are going to need some rest in order to prepare for possible restless nights when your mom isnt around. When you feel suffocated, just ask for a little space and time to be with the baby alone. If you need time to yourself, you got it made b/c u can ask mommy to watch over the little one while you get out. Good luck and may God bless you and yours. *Remeber: RELAX and just think about the time you are about to spend with your beautiful baby*