It will be a year in November that my parents are divorced. They were married for 31 years! They each have a "friend" now. My fiance' and I are getting married in November. Through all of the wedding planning, my Mom's really not there like she could be. She's always giving her full attention to her new "friend." Our whole family has noticed it, well I got the balls to stand up to her and confront her about it. She started crying and accused me of not being happy for her. It's not that I'm not happy for her, I just wish she would still step in for the "mother" position and be there-especially at this point-. I'm the baby of the family...to me she would want to be there all the time, shopping, picking out things, decorations, etc. She barely makes time for it. When we had our little spat, she told her "friend" about it and he suggested not coming to the wedding if it was going to cause a mess like this. It hurt my feelings...was I wrong for confronting her about it?
2006-08-09 08:04:21 · 8 answers · asked by Imthelittlesis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No she needs to know that even though you are older and she ahs a new guy in her life, you are still her daughter. And weddings are always stressful anyway without having to add this to the mix. But maybe next time be a bit more gentle about it. She has had it kind of rough getting divorced after 31 years.
2006-08-09 08:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were wrong for confronting her about it. You're well within your right to want your Mother to be involved in the wedding plans. Do you remember when you met your fiance, and all you could think of was him, day and night...? :o) Not trying to make you feel bad....just trying to remind you of the feelings associated when the relationship is new.
You might want to re-approach your Mom, and say to her (quietly, without raised voices) that you ARE happy for her, that you ARE excited for her, and that you DO like her "friend". But you really need some of her time right now, because a daughter should have the strength of her Mother to hold her up while trying to plan CHAOS. LOL. Make light of it....compliment her and be happy for her....but make your point known. Don't accuse, just state the facts. You're happy for her. And you want her to be there with you as well. If everyone gives a little, pretty soon you're compromising. :o)
The best of luck to you and your fiance!
2006-08-09 15:39:00 · answer #2 · answered by lauriejustlaurie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope not at all, your mother is just swept up in getting attention from a new guy, after 31 years of marriage she probably hasn't had anyone pay attention to her or care for her in a very, very long time and you should be happy for her. There are ways to go about this that don't make it seem like you are saying HIM or me. Neither of you is intending to hurt the other but you both are, instead of confronting her how about saying mom I think its great that whathisname is making you so happy i love that, however I could really use your help with this whole wedding thing. Be respectful, make plans ahead of time so that she can schedule it, remember that brides to be tend to believe the whole world should care about their wedding (you said it yourself...you think she should want to be there ALL THE TIME) especially after being fairly newly divorced after 31 years of marriage she probably doesn't see it as such a big deal, she probably isn't too hungho on the whole marriage thing, I don't know what could turn you against marriage quicker than a divorce after that long....in fact nobody sees it as the big deal that it is to you. I'm not being mean just a little reality check. Yes you are getting married, yes its a huge deal to you, but you can't expect the whole world to revolve around your wedding. After all think about what you are really saying here...I want her to ignore her new relationship in order to pay attention to my relationship, that doesn't make much sense does it? Her view might be (and she earned it) that your wedding is nothing but a prelude to your divorce, you have to consider her recent life experience too. Nothing will convince you what a waste of time, money and energy a wedding is quicker than a divorce, after all it SHOULD be about the life to come after the ceremony but there is so much money to be made off of women who get hung up on this ridiculous party (and thats all it really amounts to) that reality doesn't really kick in.
2006-08-09 15:19:30 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry. You were NOT wrong about doing it. Maybe your mom is thinking about the divorce and using her "friend" as an answer. She may not be helping you with the wedding because it would remind her of the divorce. It's probably a really emotional time for her. What I suggest is talking it out. There may be some unpleasent and pleasent times, but mother and daughter relationships are very important. My guess would be is that she is not going to be the one to come to you. You need to talk to her face to face about this.
2006-08-09 15:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by danca4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not really wrong for confronting her and telling her how u feel. Now your feelings are out there and she knows its hurting you. I have a son and I know it would totally destroy me not to be aa part of his wedding! If your mother doesnt want to step in and help u- Iam 100% sure your soon to be mother in law would be honored to help you and to be there for you when you need her most! This could really make your relationship with her much stronger! Plus your mom doesnt want to be too involved cuz she is BUSY so why not? Ask your mother in law and make this the best dday of your life! Keep your chin up! My heart is with you
2006-08-09 16:15:04 · answer #5 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you had all the rights to confront her about her friend. he has no right telling your mom his suggestion of not coming to the wedding, he is not married to your mom and if he was, what a loser he is either way. sounds like your mom is in her own little world so hun my advice to you is to have your wedding without her and that will hurt her the most and then she will realize that her friend is so very wrong. sometimes you have gotta do what you gotta do to get your point across to your mom.
2006-08-09 15:16:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened exactly as you say, your mom and her bf both acted like jerks. Having said that, I would try to smooth things over and have them attend the wedding. You might otherwise regret it for the rest of your life. Afterwards, if she continues to put him first, I would confront her again. Blood is thicker than her bf's head.
2006-08-09 15:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by vinny_the_hack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you weren't wrong. tell her how you feel about her new relationship. she'll realize that you are being hurt by her not being there for you.
good luck
2006-08-09 15:11:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋