Am I doing the right thing?

Question

Im supposed to get married next month, I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. Here's my problem, we have lived together for a year and our relationship wasnt laking anything we had what everybody dreams of. But here latley weve been fighting all the time we speand time together yes, but Im not 100% sure that we are ready to do this. We dont have a sex life anymore he wont even touch me.He gets his goods without me(masterbating) We dont cheat and ive already told him how I feel. He says that I dont strip for him so I dont turn him on. I want a happy relationship emotionally, phically, and sexually before I take the big I do to heart. What should i do?

Answer 1

Delay your wedding. Take more time to think about it until you are 100% sure bout it. Dun get married just because you've planned it or you would regret it and ended up with divorcing.
Talk to your man clearly about all. The rest is up to you gal! Good luck. Wish you all the best ;-)

Answer 2

Marriage is a real big step to take. Before marrying, you should think about what you really want to do. Sometimes, loving each other is not enough, and sometimes you feel like you love somebody because you care a lot for them. The life you are living right now with him is the perfect example of what marriage is going to be like.
Although people say sex is not everything. Sex has a very important role in a relationship. If he is acting this way, he probably feels the same way you do, so you might want to reconsider talking to him about it a little bit more. If you do not stop this right now, it will go on and on, and if you do marry him, life will be worse than now, because you will be married. But the most important thing in a relationship is communication, so, go ahead and TALK TO HIM.

Answer 3

If you are not ready to get married and it truly sounds like you aren't then don't. It seems like you will be disappointing a lot of people I know, but really you have to be doing the right thing for yourself. You seemed to already answer your question when you said that 'I want a happy relationship emotionally, phically, and sexually before I take the big I do to heart'. I copied and pasted what you said, so I ask you if you read that from someone else would you tell them to settle for this relationship?

Answer 4

Go to a counsellor together. Or to your priest. Whichever one you believe in. But a healthy relationship does need the sexual part of it, or the two parties will grow frustrated with each other. A good relationship needs balance. How long has it been since you've had sex? If its only been a month or so, maybe your soon-to-be is just experiencing wedding jitters. Its safe to say tho, the two of you need to get this out in the open, and dealt with before you end up spending a lot of money on a wedding, and even more on a divorce.

Answer 5

You already know the answer to that, you don't have a good relationship now! What the hec does he mean you don't strip for him so you don't turn him on!! Why would you speak to him after a comment like that let alone marry him? This won't work, I guarantee it you aren't even married yet and already don't have a sex life and if he needs someone to strip for him to want sex he has some SERIOUS issues but he's a guy so he won't ever believe its about him, it will be because you won't strip or you aren't good enough or hot enough, then when stripping doesn't do it for him anymore he'll find some other reason to blame you! But anyway here are some things to consider before getting married, hopefully it will help....

You should consider getting married when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage and for you it sounds like thats over and now you are seeing what life with him will really be like! Please don't think what you had in the beginning was love, it was infatuation, IF it was love now you would settle in to a peaceful, kind, loving, supportive relationship, that isn't whats happening here.

When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong, which you are clearly seeing already. Do you really want to spend your LIFE being told you aren't hot enough to turn him on? Mine is excited if I chop onions, do laundary, hang up a shirt, walk through a room, type an answer here..even if I look like crap that day! If I stripped he'd probably have a heart attack!!! Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too!

Good luck, please realize how wrong it is for him to make you feel like his sexual problems are somehow YOUR fault, he is a small minded loser and you deserve better. Your future husband should be turned on by you no matter what you do or don't do!

Answer 6

Based on everything you've said getting married would be the wrong thing to do. the stress of an impending wedding is enough to make any couple fight and have second thoughts but the sex issue definitely going in the wrong direction. You need to address that, first and foremost. If he digs beating off maybe ask if you guys can do it together then try to progress to mutual masturbation. That'd heat things up, don't you think?

Answer 7

Try Pre marriage counseling, it's an option. You do have options. If you lOVE him & wan to make it work, pls look int it. There could be some underlying reasons or issues for the fighting, & lack of romance, & sex. MAybe he's scared and nervous of getting married. If you are experiencing these things now, DON"T get married, it will only get worse, trust me..I know. It will only hurt you in the long run. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

You are both probably under alot of stress, I know I fought alot with my fiance before we got married. But this whole stripping thing to turn him on... thats ridiculous. Do a strip tease, get him all hot n bothered, and thenTell him he doesnt turn you on unless he does house hold chores in a red thong... Then dont put out at all, make it seem like you have the control. DONT GIVE IN! Good luck

Answer 9

RUN....do not walk, away from this guy! If you think you have problems NOW, just think what's going to happen when you're married. You'll have no options...."OH...I don't want to be married today"....you may have kids when he get's over his little temper tamtrum. Then what? In marriage, you should put your partner first in all things and he should be doing the same thing...he's putting his needs first and demanding you do something you aren't comfortable doing. This is called "selfish". DON'T MARRY THIS MAN! Call this thing off now and let him go about doing his own "goods" all he wants. Save yourself for someone who really loves and respects you. It's not this guy! God Bless!

Answer 10

I think you should get out a piece of paper on one side write everything you can think of as to why you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. On the side write why you dont want to marry this man. If that doesnt help then I would suggest pre-marital counseling for the both of you.