This guy has proceeded to scream at me and pull my daughter away from our family,. She thinks that he can do nothing wrong. No matter which avenue i take she combates me. I have set rules for our house and yet she continues to break the rules every time i am not looking. I have started recording her phone calls to him as to obtain information. That is how I found out that he is controlling. She is not aware that i am recording her calls. I need to keep that a sceret so that they will talk freely. She is not allowed to have him at our home and yet she still sneaks him over while we are at work. She is grounded for 1 month fro going anywhere or doing anything for her actions.. yet before morning gets there the same day she has him sneak over and they talk through the window i have an alarm system on the house so she can not leave without me knowing it. I have told him and HIS parents he is not alllowed but he wont go away. Any help please i will take it before it is to late.
2006-08-09 07:31:55 · 28 answers · asked by Donna R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She is still a minor. File a police report to keep him away... have his A S S arrested for violating it the VERY first time you see him around! Thats what I would do!!! AND BE FIRM!!! DO NOT GIVE IN! Especially if you believe he is that controlling! She will either end up pregnant or abused- and both are not what any child should be!
2006-08-09 07:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing how you know that she is sneaking him over and at night having him sneak over so that they can talk through the window, I would call the police and tell them that there is a young boy outside your daughters window, and as far as you are concerned he is trespassing in your yard when you and your family are sleeping and you want to press charges........ when they get there have a restraining order put on him where he can not come with 50 feet of your daughter. She is 15 yrs old and you still have control over her, if she is still going to persist, don't be afraid to get the belt and punish her!! Corpal punishment still exists and is ok, as long as you are not beating your child and leaving bruise, or abusing your child with broken bones and so forth....... parents today think that they can not punish there kids, but YOU can....... it worked on you when you were younger, look how you turned out......... it will work for your daughter too and she will be a better person for it. Good Luck......... I hope you do what it takes to stop this NOW, you have her for 3 more yrs......... she had better get use to it.
2006-08-09 07:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. Thinking back to when I was 15, and in love for the first time... the more you try to stop her, the more she is going to rebell. She'll continue to sneak around, and that will end up pushing you two further apart.
You should talk to her.... A lot. As much as you need to for it to finally sink into her head. Let her know often how much you love her and how special you think she is. Then hopefully she won't feel the need to find love elsewhere. Especially if it is an unhealthy situation.
Continue to dicipline her when need be. If you have to, you may have to go thru some drastic measures. My dad once put screws in the window so that it would only open up to a certain point. Then no one can sneak in or out. I had never tried it before, but after locking myself out and climbing thru my window to get back in, I guess my dad didn't trust it.
Anyways... I hope everything works out for you.
2006-08-09 07:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you checked into getting a restraining order put on him? This would be my first step......if she doesn't come home when she is suppose to....call the police and report her as a runaway. Bottom line, it is your home and she has to abide by rules set by parents.....I would only provide a roof over her head and food if she continues to disobey, nothing more. We have had the same problems before and spoke with a psychologist and these are avenues that you can take to get them under control. He stated our responsibility is to keep our child safe and do what you can to do this. Only other choice is to allow them to see one another, BUT with definate rules set (curfew, # days a wk. can see one another, school, etc.) he is probably wanting her more because he is thinking he can't have her and same could go for her. I would also take her in right away and get her on birth control, you wouldn't want a child raising a child (but then again you could end up raising it)!!! Only other alternative is to have her live with a close relative that you trust to remove her from this situation. It is too bad his parents aren't giving you the support and discipline he needs in order to raise your daughter the way you want.
2006-08-09 07:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is the parent and who is the child. Take control. If nothing else works, send her to a relative in another state for the summer or the next school year. She is too young to be engaged. She does not need to know she is being recorded. The law states only one person needs to know the call is being recorded. Also I would put a restraining order on her boyfriend. If he is screaming at you or her that is constituted as abuse. Get the law involved. They can help you. Don't be afraid of hurting her feelings. You need to save her life. Feelings get better. Please hurry and help her. She won't want it but that's OK. Be the parent and take control.
2006-08-09 07:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you live, you can obtain a restraining order. This is a bit extreme, but maybe necessary. I suggest family counseling. Figure out why she is acting out this way and how you can help her be more confident and self fulfilling. You need to find a way to get the framework for healthy realtionships in her head sp she'll move away from the ADULT world and back into being a teenager living life in HIGH SCHOOL. My first action would be a sit down Q&A with her. Aske her how she feels about him and why and then let her ask you questions about why you dislike him. Get the conversation flowing and then try family couseling with a pro who can give you tips and help set her back on track.
Good Luck!
2006-08-09 07:39:34 · answer #6 · answered by katiej47 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand how you're feeling.....your daughter needs to sit down and have a talk with the whole family about this...she needs to know that her actions are hurting other people...but i realize a big mistake in what you're doing....the more you keep trying to stop her, the more shes going to try to pull away from you and find other ways to meet her guy...what i suggest is to talk to the couple together and tell them that if shes living under your house you need her to follow some rules....allow her to see him, DONT tell her she cant see him at all, she will just find other ways for her to meet with him.....and i respect that you are worried and you think that this will not work out at all, but you have to understand that this is her life too, and she gets a say in it.....about the phone recording, i would stop that right now....if she sees that you have been doing that, she might take it the wrong way, call you a lier, and not talk to you....explain to the couple about the rules but also allow them to see each other....remember when you were in love...shes in love now....if you talk to her, i mean really talk to her, she'll change her mind
2006-08-09 07:46:16 · answer #7 · answered by SJ9867 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can call the police and have him removed --- also get a restraining order.
Stop arguing with your daughter about the guy --- she is sexually active with him and that's why she is acting the way she is ----- she knows you are opposed to the relationship --- let it go.... the more you make demands the worse it'll get.... You can control who comes on your property --- even if it means calling the police - then do it since you aren't getting any help with the situation. . Don't let him get by with that - call the police everytime he's on your property without your consent.... you may not like this but you can send your daughter away: http://www.selectown.com/boarding-schools.php
2006-08-09 07:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops. If you don't want somebody on your property, then they can't come on your property. Get a restraining order. When he turns 18, have him arrested for statutory rape. Your the mother here. You have the position of power, not your daughter. Do not empower her. Threaten her with some kind of program for youths that run away and don't follow there parents rules. Like a boot camp type thing. You
d be surprised what kind of programs they have for troubled youth. And if she isn't listening to you and following your rules, they yes, she is a troubled youth.
2006-08-09 07:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by Shadow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How soon til he turns 18?
Then, call the cops! (tresspassing, threats, disturbing the peace, etc)...See, if you do it now, as a "child", he'll get nothing. But as an adult, the fines/penalties will be stiffer. And if they're having sex, depending on your state, it could be statutory rape (if he's over 18).
Sounds to me like he's a psychopath in training. I'd like to tell you to have someone beat his you know what, but that'd be violence and of course we do not condone THAT!
Start calling him "O.J" and your daughter "Nicole". And then you have to step back. I mean it. The more you DONT want her to see him, the MORE she will see it as "him and me against the world"...if you shrug your shoulders, tell her "just dont get knocked up" and not CARE, then she'll be like "wait a minute, this isnt working anymore" and will dump him.
I'm sorry, I know it's "you dont know how it is", but I do, I was her at that age.
But I would not allow him being disrespectful to you, that would be the last thing EVER to come out of his mouth. Besides his teeth.
2006-08-09 07:40:43 · answer #10 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋