Married 11 years. After a few years, my wife told me she's bi, and being a typically horny straight guy I was all for it. We fooled around with a few couples, but nothing serious.
For the past three years she's been seeing another married bi woman. They've become very close, not just a sex thing. This other woman's husband is completely closed to the idea of sharing her with another man, so we agreed that their relationship would be for the women only.
However, for the past three years this other couple has tried to get my wife into a threesome. She admitted to being attracted to him but respected the agreed-upon boundary. Until last weekend, when she finally gave into them.
I was very hurt and betrayed and I told my wife that the sexual part of her relationship with this person had to end, but they could stay friends. Now my wife tells me that she'll never be with a woman again.
2006-08-09 07:07:55 · 9 answers · asked by Steven S 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
This wasn't part of what I asked of her. I merely told her that I decided it was healthiest for our marriage if we were both involved in any future sexual situations. I don't want her to give up women for me, but I don't want to be excluded either.
I suspect that she might think that I'm just being selfish and petulant, because I wasn't getting any from this married woman that she can't either, and so she's not going to ever share a woman with me. But that's not the reason I insisted she end the affair.
I want her to still be with women, because I know that is an important part of who she is, but I insist upon not being excluded from it.
Questions: Am I being too selfish? Did I over-react? (I don't think I did) Is there any way to convince my wife of either of those things?
2006-08-09 07:12:40 · update #1
1. I'm not divorcing her over this. While it would be my right, I can forgive what she's done.
2. I'm not looking for a threesome. I'd be happy being only involved with other couples with a bi female, so long as no one was left out of the situation.
2006-08-09 07:20:12 · update #2
She was wrong to cross the boundaries of the bi-sexual relationship, but maybe she has had enough of the bi-sexual thing and wants a real marriage without other people involved.
2006-08-09 07:31:50 · answer #1 · answered by DispatchGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Through out my life I have only seen threesome hurt a relationship. If you both plan to be swingers well that is the only way you will both get what you want. It looks as though she would like double standards, if she doesn't let you play. This doesn't make her bi, it makes her looking for an experience that can be detrimental to your relationship. If you allow her to have other relationships with other people than this would make all of it more than sex. You've got a major problem here, she has now crossed the line and you have to live with it. If she is saying she will never be with anther woman then she might be in love with this woman. Who knows, but good luck.
2006-08-09 07:38:03 · answer #2 · answered by mylife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understand your situation totally. There are several ways to look at this but you really need to ask her what she is interested in doing further. Maybe she wants to do 3 and 4 somes, but is concerned about you being jealous. Also, consider that the 3 some was just sex...not love... and that she came home to you. Americans have a difficult time seperating the two out. THough she should have told you or talked with you before hand about the 3 some prior to engaging in one. Is it possible that she would be jealous to see you with another women?
Put your jealousy aside and ask her what she would like. Trust me, as long as you put jealousy aside you can have a great marriage.
2006-08-09 07:43:55 · answer #3 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From where I have been sitting, on the sidelines, it looks to me like a large number of the couples looking for a bi female deals end up being a means of giving a dominant husband two women. I rarely see these arrangements being largely used to reinforce the bisexual wife's primary needs, but to reinfoces the straight husband's primary needs.
I think your wife recognizes this, and doesn't want to deal with a situation that jeopardizes your marriage.
2006-08-09 07:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so confused. Just because your wife is bisexual does not mean she can cheat on you or you on her with another woman and being bisexual has nothing to do with threesomes. Do you hear that being bisexual has NOTHING TO DO WITH THREESOMES, that was just something you wanted to do. Bi people are just as happy being married and loyal to the one they love (girl OR guy) as a straight, lesbian, or gay couple. You need to learn the bisexual myths. Not knowing them has confused your relationship.
2006-08-09 07:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by MindStorm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude I think you have a right to not want her to have sex with another man if the other man is not willing to share his wife with you. And I think you have the right to demand fidelity from your wife. if this man wants his cake and yours too without being willing to have the same thing happen then out of fidelity to you she should willingly end it. But you need to stay out of her needing to be with another woman. I am bisexual and I would like to be with another man but I do not want my wife to be with another man. I also will not be with another woman. When I want sex I will go to my wife if I want to be intimate with a dude I want that separate. You should not demand that you get to be a part of your wife’s female on female activities as long as no other man is a part of it.
I know you want to be a part of it and I know you want to share in the sexual escapades of your wife but if it is just a woman thing then you need to respect that she has been honest with you and if she is not with another guy you should not be with another woman. She broke faith with you and she feels guilty. If she gives up women it may be more a penance to her because she was unfaithful in her eyes with another man because of her bisexual nature.
I would respect my wife’s need for another woman but not another man. just the same as I would expect her to not want me to be with another woman.
I do not do anal sex and as long as there is not penetration I am not cheating on my wife. Anything I do with a guy as long as there is not penetration is the same as masturbation. (A lot safer)
You having sex with other women may have been to much for her and that was probably the reason she gave up all women.
Or she may just be confused.
2006-08-09 07:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce. Adultery.
2006-08-09 07:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by loon_mallet_wielder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably doesn't want your relationship to go rocky and sees her bisexuality as a conflict between you two.
Later: Michael has a very good point.
2006-08-09 07:11:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
threesomes will ruin a marriage you idiot, don't get married if you just want to screw around with other people, you asked for this
2006-08-09 07:15:10 · answer #9 · answered by AFwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋