my hubby married me for all the good qualities he liked about me. I'm very family oriented, love children, was cheerleading when we met, active in the church, very nice and caring and i have lots of friends. after we were married he complained that I was too nice to people and how they don't care about me and used to threaten to leave when we argued until one day when I showed I'd be fine with it. it's ok for me to show him love, support and attention, but when I am happy for someone else's achievements or new baby etc. he thinks I'm being too nice. what do you think the real problem is?
2006-08-09 06:41:39 · 10 answers · asked by Skypride 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I would be very careful of this person. Though, I do not know the full surrounding circumstances, it is possible that HE is using you, and feels guilty, and thus projects his own doings onto other people. By saying "They dont care about you", he really means, " I dont care about you." If he threatens to leave, he either A. Really wants to leave but is scared. or B. Wants to control you. Either way, sucks, and you deserve better. Id look for someone else. There are so many good guys out there, and you dont have to put up with any BS. You are a woman~ The truth of it is, you have more control over your life than you realize.
2006-08-09 07:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by poordeadmouse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband tries to control you. After you were married, he complained that you were "too nice to people." Also, he told you that those people, "don't care about [you]." He used to threaten to leave you until you showed him that threat didn't work. Does he try to limit your time with family and friends (other than the examples above)? Does he call often to check on you? Does he tell you that you should only need each other (i.e. no one else) in your lives? Is he a very jealous person? These are all traits of an abuser. Check out the links below. When I read your question and additional information, red flags went up for me. I hope I'm wrong. Please, take care of yourself.
List of Warning Signs Helps Woman Recognize Abuser
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20041116
Signs of an Abuser
http://www.suite101.com/lesson.cfm/17694/1044/5
2006-08-09 14:51:33 · answer #2 · answered by away team 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pandering to whatever his real issue might be is an option. Some men do have fragile egos and need extra TLC. Perhaps he does need you to do a little extra "cheerleading" for him. *wink* Though it sounds like you're already doing that.
If he doesn't know what is really behind his criticisms... then it's just that, CRITICISM! You're his wife, not his psychoanalyst. Continue to be the positive, caring person you are and if he has issues with your niceness to others then it's up to him to wander off when you're patting someone on the back for something well done.
Some men frequently point out that women have a habit of trying to change a man after they've married him. In this instance the shoe is on the other foot, but the outcome will be the same: You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
Be who you are and if that's not who he wants to be with...
2006-08-09 14:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by nimbleminx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope your hubby reads this: There are enough rotten mean people on this planet, I encounter them almost every day. You can be nieve,by being too nice and people would love to take advantage of you. As long as you can tell who is genuinely nice back to you, and not a user, than there is no reason to change who you are. My husband Always told me when we were first married I was too nice. I know I have been taken advantaged of a little, but I am still that same nice person, Just a little wiser! I used to let people get under my skin, now I just feel sorry for them, and won't let them ruin my day. Problem with people who don't understand nice people is they could be jelous they ain't got it in them.
2006-08-09 14:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All men have very small egos. It is very fragile. Your husband feels very insecure and fears that you may run away from him and is showing his frustration by being angry with you. He is an introvert and feels possessive.
The solution to your problem is give him importance and make him part of your activities. Make him feel nice in front of others and he wouldn't mind you praising others. Also keep a tab on sex. If you are not having enough there is a problem and its being manifested in other situations.
2006-08-09 13:57:24 · answer #5 · answered by suresh s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he needs to grow up. He should be very proud that you are the kind of person you seem to be. He sounds jealous of any attention you show to other people. Maybe you and he should talk to a marriage counselor or clergyman about this if your husband would be willing to go.
2006-08-09 14:02:47 · answer #6 · answered by organic gardener 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you did not marry the person you thought
your were marrying...
He will either wise up or you are headed for a divorce..
Sounds like it will be his loss....
2006-08-09 13:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is a big overgrown baby. it seems as if he does not want to share your attention. stick a pacifier in his mouth and tell him to quit crying.
2006-08-09 13:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thinks you're being fake instead of sincere
2006-08-09 13:46:56 · answer #9 · answered by Sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's a jealous weinie~head...don't change who you are...not ever!
2006-08-09 13:49:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋