Premature baby...need your thoughts?

Question

I have a premature baby, he was born at 30 weeks weighing in at 3lbs 9oz and 16 inches and was in the NICU for the first three months of his life. the scariest time of my life. He is now 11 months old and is doing great, he is 27 lbs and obvioulsly loves his food. lol my problem is that he is behind developmentally as most preemies would be, but i get all these looks and questions from people when they ask me how old he is. for example a girl that has a boy one month older than mine rudley asked me why he still army crawls and why he doesn't eat table foods yet. i know he will develop everything on his own, but i still can't help but feel like it is my fault. is this reaction normal? did i do something wrong as a mother? please help.

Answer 1

I know exactly where you are coming from. My daughter was born at 25 weeks, weighing 1 pound, 11 ounces. She spent 79 days in the NICU. When she came home at almost 3 months old (actual age) she was only 4 pounds, 14 ounces. Obviously, she was very tiny for her real age. I'd get strange looks sometimes, and did get occassional comments. Unfortunately, some people on this planet have lost their tact. My daughter started wearing glasses when she was around 15 months old. Someone very rudely said, "Isn't she too young for glasses?" My response, "Obviously NOT". If she didn't have anything nice to say, she shouldn't have said it at all.

I know these comments really sting, but unfortunately, you'll run into these people from time to time. I'd say the best thing for you to do is either completely ignore them, or answer them sarcastically. It's tough, but try not to let people see that they've upset you.

Now, you did NOTHING wrong as a Mother. I'm not going to go on and on about that, b/c I know that no matter what I say, you'll always carry some guilt with you. I know that I did nothing to cause my unexpected preterm labor, but in the end, it's still my body that failed my baby. But try to alleviate the guilty feeling of thinking it was something you did; b/c it's not. My daughter is 4 1/2 already, and I still feel guilty at times. But it has improved with time.

Is your son being seen by Early Intervention Therapists for his delays? We did Early Intervention immediately upon NICU discharge. You are right, your son will develop in his own time. But I know how hard it is to watch the full term babies have everything come so natural to them. It's heartbreaking, to say the least.

If you're interested, there's a great website for parents of preemies: www.preemieparents.org There's tons of caring people there who know what you are going through. I wish your son and family the best of luck!

Answer 2

You did nothing wrong, infact I think you did somethign very right if your 3lb baby is now 27lbs! thats awesome!!!Some babies, whether they are premature or not, develop at different times then other babies. It doens't mean there is anything wrong with them. For example, when i was a baby-I never did really crawl, I did the 'army crawl' and just went to walking from there at about 11 months. And for all those people who say that if you don't crawl as a baby you'll have difficulties later in life-it's not true, I turned out great!
Also, I have a friend who has a 13month old, and she started to crawl around 11 1/2 months, and walked a month later.
every baby is so different that no person has the right to ridicule you becasue your child isn't doing the same things as theirs.
congradulations and good luck with your little guy

Answer 3

I had two premature babies. I know how you feel. Fist of all its not your fault unless you climbed a mountain, drank alcohol and did drugs. I Have three kids and the last two were preemies due to pre-clampsia which runs in my family. So don't worry your baby will be fine. My second daughter was 32weeks and my third daughter was 34 weeks, they caught up fast,they were in the hospital only for 3 weeks. Both of them speak two languages. By the age two they should be doing the same things as a two year old would do. So wait until then to worry about. My second daughter was 3lbs 8oz, now she is four and looks like she is six. She is very smart, sweet, loving and caring.My third daughter is very smart and she is already two. Don't compare your child to others because he is special. He will be just fine, just keep loving him and take good care of him; he will turn into a smart and loving boy.

Answer 4

If you don't already, hire a baby physical therapist. I know a woman that had a baby at 28 weeks (weighed like 2lbs). His adjusted age is 9 months (the same age as my baby) but real age is 11 months. My baby and her baby are doing just about the same things at the same time now and it's mainly due to the intensive physical therapy they have been doing.

Maybe see if your insurance will cover if you don't have a PT already.

And tell IGNORANT people that he is a miracle baby born at 30 weeks so he is a little behind developmentally but will even out over time. Or in the short version, tell them to F U C K off! LOL

Answer 5

It's not your fault. You're doing exactly what that baby needs:Loving him. Some people just don't understand that every baby is different. Even if he wasn't a preemie, he would still walk and everything at his own pace. And the person who said that has a boy a month older? She must not pay too much attention, her baby is a month older, of course he'll be further along. You just let your son go at his own pace, and love him at every step. You did NOTHING wrong as a mother, and it's not your fault! Congratulations on your little man!

Answer 6

Just because people think they are well meaning doesn't mean they are not being plain old RUDE!!! You did nothing wrong--as long as your pediatrician is happy with how the kid is developing, that is what counts. I personally think it is pretty amazing--a miracle, really--that your child is thriving, with such an early birth. Anyway, I think the "rule of thumb" is that preemies usually catch up developmentally by the time they are 2 or so, so your kid has plenty of time. Just relax and don't get caught up in what thoughtless people may say or do.

God bless you and your baby!

Answer 7

I'm sure it wasn't your fault he was a premie. When people ask how old he is tell them he is 8 1/2 mo. that is how old he would be if he had been full term and is closer to his devlopmental age. You should find that the negativity will stop when you do that. If people say anything about what he eats remind them that you are the mommy and you will do what you think is best. Good to know he is doing so well after a rough start.

Answer 8

No u didnt do anything wrong if of course u werent on drugs the whole time. Babies r born premature because of different reasons. Some even unknown.If there is an infection in your body it would get the baby out rather than miscarring.All babies even ones that r born full term learn at different paces. Dont rush him he will learn when ready

Answer 9

i'm a premie...i don't know if this has anything to do with my being born prematurely, but i couldn't walk til i was around 1 and a half years old...i couldn't ride a 2 wheel bike until I was around 8....but other then that, i'm fine....my niece who was born at 9 months didn't even walk until she was 1 year and 1-2 months....she was only taking her first steps at 10 months....about baby food...a lot of times, babies don't like to eat baby food to begin with, but its something that you have to make them try....i think its rude when that girl said that to you.....o my goodness! what kind of comment is that?!?!?! your child will develop on his own, and not all babies are the same....please don't feel that you did anything wrong as a mother....i think its great that you love your child for who he is and you don't scold him for not developing fast.....allow him to take his time, but also expose him to what he's supposed to do...it also helps if you take him to a playgroup or church sunday school and he gets to see the other kids do things....normally, children follow what they see their friends do.....i hope this helps...and you're a great mom and your son is blessed to have you....

Answer 10

No you did nothing wrong at all and please don't let the guilt get to you. You know that your baby will catch up developmentally it just takes time. For all those rude people just say that he got off to a rough start but he is doing great now and that you are very proud of him. Wish you all the best!