Am I being Selfish?

Question

I am a single mother of 3 small children, trying to go to school for a better life for all of us, and working full time. My kids father doesn't want to help me financially or anything. I can't find a babysitter for my kids, and things are just not good.

I want to enroll my kids at a school that they would be there 5 days a week and then be home on the weekends. The school isn't far from me, but I will not be able to see them whenever I want. Only on the weekends. Is it fair to want them to be there so that I can do what I need to in order to provide a better life for them in the future, or am I being selfish? Am I abandoning my motherly duties?

Mind you, I have no help, and whoever does want to help wants me to pay for everything, but the father does not have to do anything in their eyes. And that would be because they are his family. I have no family up here.

I tried to take him for child support but they said $4.00 a week, so that's not going to help

Answer 1

You are their mother, if their father isn't helping then he has no say. If you feel the best thing for them is to go to the school and be home on weekends so you can go to school and get a better life for them then do it. It is ultimately your decision and honestly, I feel that as a mother, you have to do what ever is possible to make a better life for those kids.

So I would do it. They may not understand now, but they will when they are older and they will thank you.

Answer 2

Well first of all, the Father should be paying child support, so take him to court and have the judge force the order..it can be taken directly out of his paycheck and in most states if he is behind you are entitled to his income tax refund check! Check with your state
Secondly, I am sure there is financial help for low-income families, are you considered low-income?
It is never a bad thing to want to provide a better life, HOWEVER, what if the children do not adjust to this school and are unhappy there? The children's mental health is just as important as physical health. IF the children are willing participants then furthering your education should be ok. IF the children are unhappy then you need to question whether or not continuing your education is worth your children's welfare. It takes more than a roof over the head and food on the table to raise children to be success adults..Love and nurture are key factors in raising children.
Shame on the Father's family for not wanting to take up the slack!
Hopefully, you are not encouraging the Family to have nothing to do with the children.
GOOD LUCK and definitely seek legal action against the Father, so he at least will bear some of the financial responsibilities of fathering 3 children

Answer 3

I would consider moving closer to some of your family. This will provide you with a much needed support system. You can always work and go to school where-ever they live. I think you haven't stepped back to look at all your options. If you put your kids away in this school, you are abandoning them. They need you more now than ever. Yes you want a better life for your family, but your kids want you around. That school didn't bring those kids into this world and they shouldn't have to raise them. Besides a school like that isn't free, when money sounds tight why would you want to waste it on something like this. Sounds like your priorities may be twisted. As far as a babysitter, you could see about a trade system with another family. You babysit for them when you can and vice versa.

Answer 4

You should be getting some money from the father of those children. You can take him to court --- contact your local legal aid office so they can help you with that. There is no excuse for him not paying anything towards the children.
I don't think you are being selfish. It's hard going to school with small children and no help. Believe me, I wish I had gone back to school and my life wouldn't suck so much now. I wish the best for you. The fact that you are trying to make a better life for you and the kids is a very good thing.

Answer 5

U need to do what you think is best but if he is not helping and you have the whole thing on your shoulders press the S O B for child support then maybe you can hire a babysitter if u don't feel comfortable with the school. On the other hand if the school is to help them with their education and further their opportunities in life go for it. I don't think you are being selfish wanting to be a better person and more capable of affording the things your kids need in life!!

Answer 6

I'm not sure if I got it right. I understand that your kids would be in a boarding school, but with weekend leave, or something like that.

No your not being selfish at all.Remember, you are first and foremost a person, than a mother. For you to be a better mother, you need to be the best person you can be.
It's great that you're deciding to better yourself through your education and looking at long-term goals for you and your family, so that you won't have to be dependent again on the father of your kids; you won't be trapped in that dilemma again since now you'll have the elements to make your own way in life. That'll lead to so much better opportunities, not just economically, but personally.

Good luck and more power to you!

Answer 7

You have to do what you have to do. This isn't a bad thing if you have no help and if the father isn't willing to help. If he says anything then he should step up to the plate. Is he paying child support? If he isn't he really has no say about what you do!! There is alot of state aid for your situation have you checked out all the avenues. Good luck and no you are not abandoning your motherly duties. You are only trying to better your life and your kids.

Answer 8

I don't think it's being selfish at all, to want to provide a better future for yourself and your children. I think it may bring up issues though, depending upon the ages of your children. There may be separation anxiety, homesickness, etc., and you'll be worried about them also. You will only see them on weekends, is that all year long? Will you be able to speak with them daily, over the phone or Internet?. How do your children feel about it? Depending upon the school, it could be a value-able experience for them. If you have a close loving relationship with your children, I'm sure you'll overcome all of the obstacles. It's a very hard decision for you, and I'm sure you're going to make the right one, regardless.

Answer 9

Honestly, no you are not being selfish. The father of your children is being selfish and not caring. Sometimes, in order to have a better life, one must make sacrifices. Right now, your children may resent you for being away from them for long periods of time but when they get older, there is a greater chance they will thank you. Also, they will learn what you did for them. Cherish the moments you have with them and make the weekends the best you can because those are the moments they will remember: "how mom was behaving toward us when we spent time with her". Also, they will look up to you when you receive your education and may mimic the behaviors you do, such as studying & reading. I wish you the best of luck and remember, you are not being selfish. On the contrary, you are attempting to give them a better life. Your husband is being a selfish bastard.

Answer 10

No, no you are just great ! A lady who is working overtime for earning the maximum to see that the children get a good schooling can not be called selfish. Your husband is epitome of selfishness which is worse than that found among male counterparts in the animal kingdom. You are in the right direction to substitute the father while being the mother.