My ex wife has turned my kids against me by telling lies. How do I counter this gracefully?

Answer 1

The best thing to do is, if they ask questions, answer them honestly and try not to sound angry or exasperated at your ex when answering them. Otherwise, just love your kids- show them and tell them that you love them. Never never talk trash about your ex or demean your ex in front of them. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. If she trashes you or vice versa- they will only end up resenting the trash talker. It sometimes takes a little time and maturity for the light to really shine through, but in the end they will see your love for them, remember the time spent with them and the words spoken to them. You don't want them to think of you as always angry at mom. Deal with mom completely seperately from the kids and odn't get into confrontations with her in front of them. The only thing you can do is be completely honest with them, because they will eventually see through the lies, hers and yours if there are any, and really be there for them- don't blow them off or trivialize their feelings.

Answer 2

I'm glad you want to do this gracefully - so many exes would just try to make her a villain too. Just have a gentle conversation with your kids. Tell them that that their Mom was very hurt by the divorce process and it's gotten her confused about some things.

What's most important is that you live up to the truths you clarify, as your actions will certainly speak the loudest.

Best Wishes

Answer 3

As a child, I was in this situation. Neither of my parents handled it gracefully. I can tell you the best thing to do is be there for your kids. Ignore the lies, do not try to counter them to your kids or say things about the ex to them. Trying to bring them to one side or another is extremely bad to their psychological health. Just be their father.

Answer 4

You don't. Take the high road. Unfortunately, your ex has resort to petty lies, but you don't have to return the favor. Just do what you know is right. Your kids will eventually grow up and mature enough to see through her crap, and hopefully then they can see that you are not the evil person she has made you out to be.

True, it sucks for now, but make the best of it. Just follow what the courts tell you to do, and see your kids as much as you can. Tell them that you don't want to spend what little time you have together talking about what Mom told them. Tell them you love them, and no matter what Mom tells them, you DO love them.

Good luck!

Answer 5

My husbands ex-wife has done the same thing to him and his children.He tried all the suggestions you have heard here...Gracefully,I might add.....Yet,his children believe EVERTHING this woman says.She has made them hate my hubby and myself.Unfortunately,our dilemma will need to be settled in court now.But the youngest one is 15 now.Hopefully the battle in court will not hurt them further.But she left us NO CHOICE.I wish you all the best.Spend as much time with them as you can..make sure they know you love them....and no matter what..Do Not Make It Worse by speaking ill of your ex to them.She is their Mom..and even though she has done it to you..2 wrongs dont make a right.If they question you about what she tells them,just be honest..tell the truth and be patient.Another good thing would be to NEVER talk to her without the kids around..then when they ARE,Do not fight with her.Say what you need to and Go On.I would also let your attorney know what is going on.Just In Case,ya know? Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 6

Your ultimate protection is a outstanding offense. forget relating to the seems, be the final in contact dad you will possibly be. ---call/e mail the instructor and ask how your toddler is doing. ---At convention time call and request a convention time for in basic terms you ---seem to each and all of the after college events and applications ---Take an afternoon without work from artwork and volunteer up on the college ---marvel your toddler at lunch with a happy meal from McDs. while your spouse tries to declare detrimental issues approximately you, have the teachers thinking (no longer that they might say it out loud) "she's loopy, i comprehend his dad, he's a huge guy." And from a instructors POV - do no longer go in "to describe your area." All that does is places the instructor interior the middle and that isn't honest to her. She extremely would not care approximately you and your ex's issues, she purely cares approximately your toddler. And this hostility between the two certainly one of you, inspite of the reason and fault - is maximum probable inflicting your toddler injury. Your movements will communicate plenty louder than your spouse's words. And in case you're prepared to do those issues (NO EXCUSES), then you have not got any reason to *****.

Answer 7

A lot of it depends on the age of your kids. Obviously if they are younger, then the opportunity for brainwashing is easier. That being said, the best advice I can offer is to just be the best father you can be and do not bad mouth their mother to them, though you may desperately want to. The truth is this: Kids will ultimately see you for who you are and their mom for who she is. Yes, it may take time, but if you are a good father to them, nothing she can say will change that. As kids grow older, they'll be able to weed-out the bull s.h.i.t from the truth. So just be there for them, be active and in their lives and all will be well.

Answer 8

My husband's exwife does/did the same with us. We just didn't respond when the kids would tell us stuff. Or to say, we didn't try to defend ourselves and say stuff like "your mom doesn't know what she's talking about" or "your mom is lying to you". We just decided that when they are here we will give them the best life we can and do what we know is right. We also decided to never speak ill of her infront of them, we never argue or disagree in front of any of the kids, etc. In time, they will figure out who is really on the up and up. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I can remember my mom doing the same about my dad when I was a small kid. Dad took things with stride and I figured out who was the real deal and who wasn't. Guess who I have the best relationship with now, Yep, my dad! Good Luck! IT will all turn out for the best.

Answer 9

How do u counter this? well u counter by 1. not stooping to her level (dont do the same back or retaliate , the kids dont need to be in the middle) 2. U always do what is right, no matter how stupid she's being, u do what is right and the kids will grow up one day and put 2 and 2 together and realize that all she did was spread lies.. and it will come back to haunt her..

My suggestion to u if this continues is to record days and times and instances.. make a log of it.. and take her to court and demand she have to take parenting classes.. what she is doing is mental abuse to the children, 1 part of a judge deciding on custody is trying to determine which parent will promote a healthy relationship with the other parent.. and shes not doing this by trying to turn ur kids against u ..

Take every opportunity that u can when something happens in their lives that doesnt have to deal with their mom, to teach them about telling the truth, and lying..and how to tell the difference .. for instance with they have fights between themselves.. like when they do that Did not.. Did too stuff, u figure out who is telling the truth and who is lying and explain how u figured it out.. so they can learn the tools of how to figure out for themselves when people are lying and telling the truth..

Im a child of a divorced couple, my mother was constantly telling me things about my dad and step mom, that made me look at my Dad and step mom especially as being unfair , and mean...when i would question my dad and step mom about things, they would always stay with the exact same story, when id ask my mom things her story always changed every time i asked, something was always different.. thats how i realized that my father was always telling me the truth and my mom was the one fixing the story to suit her needs.. But my father just stayed his course.. and never waivered and never stooped to my mom's level he knew that the Truth would come about eventually and id see the light.. and it did.. a mother that i thought was the greatest mom in the world, ended up being someone that hurt me constantly emotionally while growing up, by being spiteful to my Dad and step mother, and someone that i love, but i dont respect.. and through all her lies and hateful words towards my step mother, and i hated my step mother because i believed my mom growing up, I grew up realized i was wrong, and i love her just as much as if she were my biological mother.. and i call her Mom..

So stay your course, and dont stoop.. change what u can, and thats how ur children view things teaching them between right and wrong, making them use their own brains to figure out things for themselves with out having to shoot daggers at a mother that they love..

Good luck

Answer 10

this could be the worsest thing you may have to do you need to sit the kids down and tell them that you are not as bad as your ex tells them you also have to show them that you are so much better then her by doing the things that she does not want to do and be there if they ever need to talk and always always make time for them and always try you hardest thing of all to be on time during your visits and if you can not make your visit you need to talk to the children and explain why you can not come and tell them that their mother may say different but you love them and you will try hard to be there the next time or even try to reschedule your visit asap so be honest to your kids and include them in every part of your life and keep resuring yourself that you are doing the right thing by even leaving the kids with her and i hope you will consult your lawyer and tell them what is going on also but keep telling them that you are not this bad person that you are being made out to be and keep yourself open to your kids always