I have had a boyfriend in long distance relationship for almost 2 years now. He said long ago he wanted to move in with me. He claimed he loved me more than life itself. He went back to school got his GED which I though was great for him. He currently is unemployed. I'm the one with a career. Well he states now he loves me so, but he can't leave his family, loves his mom. I told him he has to decide what he wants to do, where he wants to be. I can't keep the relationship going because he wants to be with his family and wants me at the same time. That would not be fair to both of us. I am heartbroken over all of this,but I can't make him move and I can't make that decision for him on what he really truly wants out of his life. I don't believe he would totally lose his family if he moved here. I have already though of moving there, but that would not work. What should I do with these changes and the relationship now?
2006-08-09 04:34:52 · 20 answers · asked by Queman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You've had a nice fantasy relationship for two years. It is over now. Find someone else to play with online.
2006-08-09 04:38:38 · answer #1 · answered by AlphaFemale 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is easier than you think, emotions make this decision more painful for you.
Your boyfriend seems very responsible to me. I would no more venture long distance to live with a woman that I love, having nothing financially to add to the situation, so that her friends can dump on the fact that I'm living off of you and in a crunch you may not voice it but will resent his not being able to acknowledge anniversaries, birthdays, holidays.
Two years you have been together, that is a blessing considering the fact that you are in a long distance relationship. Most long distance relationships are doomed.
Your boyfriend has a support system where he currently is. Not saying you would, but suppose you moved in together, got into a major disagreement and you put him out? He is unable to even get a room without your assistance or contacting family to bail him out. You would not only be his girlfriend, but his keeper.
Trust me, a man's ego is sensitive enough without these kinds of burdens. Accept what he is saying and not come to the conclusion that he is being unreasonable. He is doing a very responsible thing by not leaching off of you.
"My advice to you: Be patient. Fill the void in your life with something beneficial, rather than bemoaning his absence. Take up watercolors or some other thing that you can share with him when he visits." I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but you again, must realize your blessings for having maintained a loving, long distance relationship for such an extended period of time. Don't pressure him, if you have been stop it, you'll only drive him to someone else's arms. Be patient, be loving and stop feeling so insecure.
2006-08-09 04:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by gravelgertiesgems 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly feel sorry for you, that you have so little self respect that you would be heartbroken over this guy. You should be thanking him for not coming to be with you and subjecting you to have to carry him until he decides to grow up and be a man.
I doubt that he is truly that attached to his mother that he can't leave her. More than likely, he has a free meal ticket going with a women who he has already learned to manipulate - and he is not ready to try to figure out how to manipulate a new women to get the same thing.
If I could recommend one thing - it would be counseling. You need to figure out what attracted you to this dysfunctional person in the first place. A strong relationship is not two incomplete people coming together thinking they will make a complete person - it is two complete people coming together to make a strong relationship.
I also agree with the lady above - by ending this sham of a relationship - you will be helping him by being the adult, and setting an example. Don't be surprised when he comes chasing you after you do though.
P.s. He does not love you. Love is not that feeling you get in your stomach, those are just chemicals. Love is a verb, not a noun. It is the promise of commitment to a person. It is the things you DO for a person. The feelings you get are just the reward for your actions.
2006-08-09 04:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by Christopher B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the guy and move on with your life. You are obviously not first in his list of priorities. If you were, the decision to be with you should have been settled early on in the relationship. He could have been with you when he went back to school. And as an adult, he should be able to make his own decision to move and not worry about how his mom would feel. All parents expect their children to move out of the house sometime. So it won't be a major shocker for them. Perhaps his not wanting to leave his mom is just an alibi. He probably isn't ready either financially or emotionally.
2006-08-09 04:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems he has chosen his family over you... You have a career and a foundation.
He may in fact love his Mother, however, there is life away from the home his Mother has created. When people get married they leave their homes and begin their lives together in a new home. He can always go and visit his Mother as finances and time permits, and Mother can always come and visit him, right? I'm not saying you two are getting married, what I am trying to say is that life goes on, even when you have to move away from your family.
Good luck with that. If I were you, I would concentrate on furthering my career and possibly finding a man who has a job and a man who truly wants to be with me and is not torn between his love/feelings for me and his family.
2006-08-09 04:48:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the phrase says cling to your wife and leave your parents, actually it does not mean that you will abandon your parents but you will then have live most of your life with then so it is time to move on. I beleive that if does not want to move then he has no intention in getting life straight. I would not say that he does not lve you but come to a solution and every weekend probably he can help his parents and at the same time visit them. It is not a big deal, it is time to start a life!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-09 04:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the changes, learn from them, and end the relationship. You are broken-hearted over an unemployed mama's boy who has shown only a flash of initiative (getting his GED). You can do better - just do it! You're too good for him. You care too much. You must be strong; by ending it, you will help both of you.
2006-08-09 04:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by Tad Dubious 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loved you so much he would be able to give up his mama for you. He would move to be with you. I'm afraid it sounds like he might be a mooch. It seems like he doesn't want to leave his mom because she is supporting him. Do you really want to be the person that supports him? Don't move for him. Never move for someone. It doesn't work. He needs to be able to support himself in a healthy manner before you can have a healthy adult relationship. Good Luck!
2006-08-09 04:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by amy d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's not a clue that proves that he loves you. In fact he is trying to tell you that if you love him and plan to spend the rest of your life with him then he'll throw in the family as a package deal for you...are you ready to accept that? Here's a hint...he's not working too even though he has a degree...how lucky can you get!
2006-08-09 04:42:05 · answer #9 · answered by singirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were sure about the relationship you would be having so many doubts right now.You need to kick him to the curb and move on.The worst thing you could do is move to be with him where you will more than likely end up supporting him amd probably his family.You need to find someone better who will love you and wants to be with you no matter what.
2006-08-09 04:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋