Should I let it go or am I allowed to be upset?

Question

Ok, I have a friend who married a controlling, condescending prick with a felony background for organized criminal activity. I have tried to maintain a relatinship with her, but with me not liking her husband it has not gone well. It came to a head on MOnday when I sat down with her to tell herwhat was bothering me and vice versa and then she said she really could not be friends with me unless I came to common grounds with her husband. So, we called him over. He came over and proceeded to tell me that I was an irresponsible negative person and had caused them to have so many fights in their marriage and that if I was compassionate I should stay away. He demeaned me as a mother, friend, and student. SO I walked away and called are mutual friend. She seemed sympathetic at first, but apparently went to their house that evening. She talked to them and decided she did not want to be in the middle. SHe got angry with me when I asked why she was not angry in my defense. Who is right

BY the way, we have all been friends for over ten years. We have known her husband for about six years and we has spent half of those in prison of doped up on heroin.

Answer 1

Step back. Just inform her that you'll be there for her, if she ever needs you.
By attacking her husband, you're indirectly attacking her judgment, for picking him. That's only going to make her defend him more.
If you want to keep her as a friend, then continue to socialize with her, but say nothing about her husband. The day may come when she feels she needs to get out, but not know where to turn.
It won't be to you, if she feels you're going to be an "I told you so" type of person.
Be a friend, not a trouble-making, know-it-all.
And your other friend is right....don't drag someone else into the middle of this.

Answer 2

Walk away from all of them...if you've been friends for ten years she'll come to her senses. Or she won't, in which case...find some other friends. I'm sure you have enough to think about in your life if you are a mother AND a student. Whatever you think of her husband has no bearing, there is a reason he's HER husband...because he's her problem, not yours. I feel sorry for your friend with you on one side and him on the other. It's not fair of you to expect her to side with you against her husband. I love my husband very much and I love my best friend very much, but if it came to the two of them...I'd side with my husband, after all...I married HIM.

Answer 3

Wow you have your plate full, and I'm sure your heart is torn. The problem is you don't like your friends husband. My best friend and I had the same problem, she tried to tell me that he was no good, but I didn't listen. Well 16 years later and a whole lot of shrink bills, I have a new husband who is fab and a great new life. My point is if she really is your friend stick with her. You never know when she is really going to need you someday.