My husband and I spoke about having at least 2 children before we were married. He has 2 from previous relationships and I have been a good stepmother to them, they don't not live with us, but when they visit during the summer they love being around me and I'm pretty attached to them myself. After I got pregnant my husband was upset, wanted to leave, then changed his mind, now he's saying he doesn't want anymore children. How am I supposed to cope with that knowing what we discussed. He knows I would have politely bowed out of the relationship with him if I knew this was going to happen. I feel like he's trying to take away MY dreams and plans instead of him being honest in the first place. I am not accepting his decision to change things just becasue we are married and I know I want to have children with someone who (honestly) wants the same things. Would I be wrong to leave the relationship behind this?
2006-08-09 03:57:21 · 6 answers · asked by Skypride 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with the first answer. Wait to see what he does once the baby arrives. My husband and I did things a bit backwards; I got pregnant after we'd only been dating for 6 months. He did NOT want that baby, wouldn't go to the doctor's visits with me, wanted nothing to do with it except that he felt responsible for taking care of me (cause he's a very responsible man). But once he saw and held that baby he was in love. He's a terrific dad and we eventually went on to have another child, at his request. I was sure we were done, that the one was all we'd have, and I was okay with that (my oldest is quite a handful) when he came to me one day and said, "I want to have another baby". I about fell on the floor. lol Dont' give up on him yet. Wait until he holds that baby.
2006-08-09 04:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. I was somewhat in the same boat. When my hubby and me got married we had 5 kids between us. We talked about having children. My tubes are tied so I would have to have surgery or ivf and we couldn't afford the cost. Then down the road I broached the subject again and he said there wasn't enough room in the house and his mom was 4o when she had his brother so lets wait until then. I am now 43, he said he never said that and well, I guess we never will. I have been trying to deal with that and have accepted the notion that we as a couple with not have a child together. A part of use to live on.
You are probably feeling like I did, that you are not good enough to have his child but his Ex wife was! What is wrong with me that you don't want to have a child with me?
You say you are having a baby, so just be happy that you have at least one child with him. Enjoy your child together and best of luck. I am sure that the moment he see's his beautiful baby his heart will melt.
2006-08-09 11:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by majesticwife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would not be wrong to leave now. It can cause a strain on you if you're still pregnant because of the emotions you go through. Even if you stay it would be the same seeing as he doesn't share the same joy as you. He may be afraid and doesn't know how to express it. Do what is best for you and the baby. Just because the father isn't around doens't mean he/she is not loved. It sounds like you have anough love to cover for the both of you. God bless and good luck!
2006-08-09 11:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by awhisper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have the baby yet? or are you still pregnant? wait it out, see how he treats the baby. if he is gonna come around, he will when you have the baby. if he ignores the baby or doesnt care about any of it, id say that is a good reason to leave. you and the baby doesnt need to be in that type of environment.
2006-08-09 11:02:23 · answer #4 · answered by Erin P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is tough, my hubby and I talked about children before we were married as well, and we have one and I am the one that does not want to have anymore and he does,, He is trying to deal with that but he says it is hard. Best of luck to the both of you...
2006-08-09 11:02:41 · answer #5 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is backing out of a deal. He is not honest.
2006-08-09 12:25:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋