Should I do anything at all about this? I have been best friends and oldest friends with a girl I grew up with. Thru weddings, cancer, divorces, kids, deaths and all in betweens we have always considered each other great friends. NOW - I think she ONLY uses me when she needs me...doesn't want to be good friends except when she wants a 'shoulder,' and is ignoring me for 'who knows what' reasons? Honestly - I am tired of this! I have e-mailed her lately and now she is not writing back. I tried to call - wouldn;t take my calls. I do NOT want to force myself on someone but I think that since I held her hand thru THICK and thin she should give me the courtesy of unconditional friendship - not just when SHE wants it. I traveled with her every year for 10 years and now she is no longer interested because she has a new husband (within the past year) - new house - new stepkids and etc. What should I do next to 'equalize' the friendship field? Or - is this friendship over? One sided?
2006-08-09 03:50:14 · 14 answers · asked by 100%cotton 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I want to answer this question because a similar thing happened to me. I also had a good friend (not 35 years like you) but several years. As soon as she got involved with her boyfriend and started to live with him, she had no time for me. In fact, I remember her saying in the beginning of her new life with her live-in boyfriend something like "I don't know when I will ever see you again". I was so hurt, I didn't answer her.
Well, what I want to tell you is that I decided not to end the friendship. Even though, the friendship is not the way it was, you don't know, it's possible after time, the friendship will return to being something you can live with and don't really want to give up.
In my case, the friendship did not return to it's previous level of closeness, but we do keep in touch. I just decided to hold back my feelings and wait for things to get better.
Sometimes, we just have to accept the changes in our friends' lives. Sometimes, something is better than nothing. Remember life is not always fair and perfect. But do you really want to throw out 35 years of friendship? If you are upset, I recommend doing what I always do. I don't end the friendship - I just take a break from it. By break, I mean I don't call, e-mail, whatever you do to keep in touch for awhile until I get over my hurt and I can deal with my friend again.
Maybe this can work for you too. Please think carefully before you do anything drastic. Friendships are not so easy to come by and your feelings and her feelings can change.
Good luck!
2006-08-10 03:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by happy inside 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that her husband has in so many words "has taken your place", and that my friend is not right at all as like you said, you two have been friends threw thick and thin. I really don't think she has used you so to speak. But she is not doing you right at all. You didn't say how long she has put you on "ignore", but give her some time, a month or two with out sending her any emails or phone calls or letters... no attempts of any contact of any kind with her. Put her on "ignore" right now, as though you never even knew her at all and see what happens.If you don't here from her at all during this time, I would say the friendship is over, sorry. But also later on down the line after your "ignoring" her, should she try it get in touch with you, I would give her a taste of her own medicine and "ignore" her the way she did you. I know that two wrongs don't make a right, but sometimes people need a wake up call. Sorry for your friendship going down the gutter.
2006-08-09 11:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on 35 years of friendship so soon. She is probably very preoccupied with all the changes in her life this past year.
But there is one other possibility you might watch out for. Maybe her new husband is a control freak who won't let her have any friends. That sort of thing is very dangerous for her, and eventually she will resally need your support if that is what is happening. Is there any way (maybe a work number) you can get in touch with her when her husband can't find out?
In any case, give her whatever time she needs. Just walking away after 35 years would be very sad.
2006-08-09 10:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by Maple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is simply, or not so simply, another bump in the road of friendship...her having a whole new life...husband & children to adjust to tells me she must focuss on the issue under her own roof before she can handle anything else...it may not seem fair and it doesn't appear that this is the way you would prioritise your issue but that should not make her no less a friend ... she only has so much to give and right now her personal life is all she can handle...be patient...your still her best friend.
2006-08-09 11:02:35 · answer #4 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try not to take it personally.
People change over time and no longer have the same things in common. It was rude of this person to not return your attempts to contact them but that's a different subject.
It would appear that this freindship has run it's course. Be grateful for the freindship and move on - there will be others !
2006-08-09 11:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you two had a disagreement of some sort she is most likely just BUSY.New hubby..new children..I suggest just being patient.I have been where she is and it gets tough managing a new life-style.However if ya'll had a falling out of some sort..e-mail again and tell her you miss her.ask if she would be willing to have lunch with you(at her convenience)so that you two can try to make things right.Dont force yourself...just ASK.Then you wil know where to go from there.35yrs is a long time.I'm sure she misses you too.Good Luck.
2006-08-09 11:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Chris W. Keep her on your xmas card list but try to find some other friends that you feel a kinship with. My best friend in the world and I only talk every few months but we really enjoy our time together because we're not around each other all the time. Good luck and best wishes!
2006-08-09 11:15:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Such a USER always come back today or tomorrow WAIT FOR UR DAY bid ur time ignore her till then WHEN SHE COMES TO U just tell her off tell her to get lost hell with 35 years or 35 minutes friendship noone should take u for granted or use u,shes not a friend she was shes changed move on when she comes to u tell her to get lost.
2006-08-09 10:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by apassportolove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i if she doesnt contact you i would send her one more email ( i kno she opens them because i did that when i was in a fight with my friend) tell her how u feel tell her if she doesnt want too be friends anymore thats fine you will have to tell her y because to just say its over is kinda of sad but its whatshe did to you from reading what you said it sounded like she left with out saying goodbye right???? if soo then she is scared of something me and my friend have always made up but i worry too. if she want to get together to talk about her feelings again tell her in person i think telling her would be the only way to save the friendship or,,, it just might ruined it but that way u got what u needed to say out!!! good luck!!
2006-08-09 11:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by freddi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. Maybe it is because as we get older everyone is much busier. Thats a cop out but you know what, I am finding that the older I get, the more rude people become. I gave up on my best friend. She did the same thing to me, screw her.
2006-08-09 10:55:49 · answer #10 · answered by metalicgirl69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋