If you left an abusive relationship lately, how did you do it?

Question

am wanting to leave. I have wanted to for years but have been scared to. Although I think he would be too chicken to really do anything, the threats are there and I dont want to take them lightly. Its been a few months since he hit me but emotional abuse and the mind games are there constantly. We have 2 beautiful kids who dont deserve to live in this. I have a woman I am close to that tells me that when you get divorced you just trade for a whole new set of problems. Well, I dont agree with that.

What I am looking for is someone who actually had these scared to death feelings like I do but finally got out. What did you do? How did you do it? How did you tell him and how did he react? I have a place to go. I have a job. he doesn't. I have searched hi and low for someone to tell me how they did it. It would help me tremendously.

Answer 1

THERE IS NO GUIDELINE TO THIS, YOU DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU AND ESPECIALLY YOUR CHILDREN. WHO CARES HOW ANY ONE ELSE DID IT! I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE AFRAID AND UNEASY. HOWEVER BY OTHERS TELLING HOW THEY GOT OUT WONT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM BECAUSE ALL SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. YOU SAY YOU HAVE A PLACE TO GO SO IF HE IS THE MAN YOU CLAIM HE IS GET OUT NOW! be safe. HE WONT REACT GOOD OBVIOUSLY AND IM SURE YOU KNOW THAT BUT BE STRONG AND THINK OF YOUR FUTURE WHEN ITS ALL OVER, YOU GET A FRESH START!

Answer 2

I left an abusive relationship yesterday. Well he left me but he always comes back but I resolved not to go back. We don't have children or any ties like you do. He calls me crazy though a lot and means it, says noone else would want me and gets really angry when any other guy even looks my way. He is jealous and controling. I love him terribly and know that the next little while will be the worst time of my life as of yet. I haven't been single for years and I am afraid that dating will bring the same horrible times. When we were together I was so insecure that I started thinking he was cheating so I kept asking if he was or not and told him he couldn't go to the bar. I think the person I became made me get out of the situation when I thought really hard I saw how unhappy I had become and I hate it. It'll be hard but if you've wanted it for so long you should just do it and let the healing come. You may always care about him but he will be ok too, you can't let his insecurities bring you down to this level. You aren't helpless.

Answer 3

I left my abusive marriage 2 years ago. I talked to people at a women's resource centre to find out my options. But unlike you I didn't have children to worry about. When you leave a relationship you do have a different set of problems, but ones that can be fixed, in time. Abuse goes on forever unless you leave or someone dies.

Anyway I left a note telling him I was gone, and I went to a transition house for a month. He was very apologizing, then tried to make me feel guilty, but I didn't accept it. Got my own apartment, took some courses, to learn who I was after the 32 years of abuse, and that I didn't deserve the abuse.Having a job and somewhere to go is a great start for you. Use all the resources that are out there and get the help that you need to have a normal life. Abuse is not good for you or the children. GOOD LUCK!!!!! You can do it.

Answer 4

Well you sound like you have already made the decision that your life will be better when you leave... :) Good for you. I was in an abusive relationship as well. This is what I did. I packed up and left when he was gone. Go by a prepaid phone and Leave a note with that number. DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE LIVING until he is used to the fact you are gone. If you really think he will do something, go ahead and get a restraining order against him. Tell him you will meet him at a public place if he wants to see/pick up the kids (police station, school). If you are too scared to meet him, have a trustee assigned to meet him for you. Do not think of staying together for the kids, my parents did that and I used to pray for them to get divorced so I could get some sleep, because they used to fight so bad. Go talk to a lawyer NOW, most will give consultations for free. Open up a second checking account in YOUR NAME ONLY if he has access to the one you have now, and transfer the funds. Good Luck

Answer 5

This is my first hand experience... I had no children with him thankfully. However, things were bad, in all aspects. I finally decided to leave when he called my job30 times in 10 minutes, mind you I worked at an elem. school with children, not good. There was always the threat of him telling me something that he was going to do to me or himself, LET ME TELL YOU, they are all lies.. They are so scared to do anything that when I left him he didn't know what the hell hit him.. I called my friends and family that I had spoken to do to my situation, and they were wonderful.. Supported me through everything. I felt bad because I had lost touch with them and missed out on so much stuff in their lives, but when I needed them they were ALL right there for me. I stayed at a friends house, she had recently moved so he could not find me. I changed my cell number so he could not reach me, I took my name off of the bank accts and when I did I took some of the money, because it was mine as well. I then found an attorney for a noncontetsted divorce which was fairly cheap restored my maiden name, and have spoken to him since, all communication went through the attorney. I have moved same state different location. He has no idea where to find me even if he tried. I am a much happier person now, and I feel like living for me again. I have gone back to the things that I enjoy doing. I know it is a hard step, but well worth it scared or not.. I was petrified. Then realized they were only words that he was using to control me. I had to leave because it was that bad, and now when I see people go through it, I talk to them until I am blue in the face, it does not matter, becuase when you are ready to leave you will just do it. Put your children first , stop and think if you want them to be treated the same way, or if you would want them to treat someone else the same way he is treating you. Didn't think so... You are you and you are OKAY.....

Answer 6

Okay peep this- U work and he does not; Okay cool, this should be easy bout to throw you a few things to keep his monkey *** busy~ This makes me angry wish I had FIGHT-O-VISION sistas need to stick together, be ready to donkey Kong his dumb butt on the head for hitting someone. REALLY though, how old are the babies? Make a lame Dr.'s appointment, but the thing with this you need to call the Dr. and let them know you canceled but you roll with the kids. U have too many options. hit me up so I can tell you more. But this is serious as hell no need to write it if you will not bounce. U have to want to leave for you and the kids. Can't keep saying it cause talk is cheep~ Get a police escort from work they do those if you tell them you are leaving your mate and he hit you before. I have kids and I want out~ U can also put some of your items outfront; yeah peep this, pack up some clothes but they are suppose to be like good-will or soething even label the boxes with FREE stuff~ have one of your friends or co-workers to drive pass your house or walk pass and scoop the box of items. See you are moving and he does nto even know. he thinks you are cleaning house. YEP~ Damn fool.. Let him make a few errands for you. Slide him some cash to make him feel SPECIAL for the last time~ Make sure you time him as to how long it will take buy yourself some time~ Once he leaves and 30 minutes passed its time to make your move. U should of already called someone to scoop you. The kids need to be at a relatives house or at a safe spot for ladies. Really its no joke you only get ONE CHANCE to live and if you go back then there is a HIGH chance he can kill you. The kids will go to the state and the rest is history~ U make the decision and hit me up if you need my help~

Answer 7

since you already said that you have two beautiful kids who dont deserve to live in this, then what are you waiting for? you have been wanting to live. you are looking for advice. you have found a place to go and you have a job. you dont need a husband anymore since he abuse you. call the police and report him for being abusive. tell them you are going to have a divorce with him and let them protect you. let your lawyer contact him directly. do not tell him where you will be moving to and move as far as possible so he will not have the chance to scare you out.

Answer 8

I was in abusive relationship and my friends actually pulled me out of it. I was scared just like you. He tried stocking me after wards but I got friends that back me up. I have reported him for what he has done to me and he's going to be in alot of trouble. Just take your kids and go straight to the police thats a good advice to do.

Answer 9

Hi there...I work with a psychiatrist that is interested in talking to women going through exactly what you are. His name is Dr. Keith Ablow and he's hosting a new show in New York (very Dr. Phil-ish) We're looking to invite couples (all travel expenses are covered) going through exactly what you are to NY to speak with him. You have a choice and for the safety of you and your children, you and your husband should take advantage of this opportunity i'm posing to you. it is difficult to talk about this, but with the help from our free counseling and aftercare, you and your childrens' problems can be solved. if you're interested, email me at [e-mail] and i'll give you all of my contact information at the show. Good luck.