my mommy who i love very much, has been dating this man for 4 months, he has become a part of our life, he even has asked my mommy to become a part of his life, he has 2 sons who are 7 and 6. He tells us he loves us but yet, always chooses to deal with his family drama. Last night was his birthday, we got him a cake and icecream and presents, he told us he was coming and didn't, i went to bed broken hearted, and my mommy went to be crying, we both are feeling depressed i dont know what to do, the lord says to forgive, but i just want to know does he really love us or is he just using us. my mommy does everything he asks. she even stayed up the past 2 nights working on a business plan for him, she has not had very much sleep, i am worried about her..she is getting bags and looking very tired....what should i do
2006-08-09 03:05:40 · 15 answers · asked by Des R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are more mature to your age. Please speak out your heart to her. She needs a friend, and you can be that besides being a daughter. That man is only exploiting her feeling of loneliness. He has no genuine feeling for you both.
2006-08-09 03:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I feel for you. Your in a very complex family situation. It's probably impossible for everyone to be happy all the time just because of the dynamics of all the different ages and feelings going on.
First, I would have a heart-to-heart with you mom. Let her know how you feel. But also try to keep in mind that your mother's happiness is very important. There are days she might be upset or dissapointed, but that's part of every family. Hopefully, there are much more happy days than sad ones.
It's good to be concerned about your mother. But sometimes people do a lot of things out of love and sacrifice more of themselves than anything. Assuming her man is treating her right (he better be!! *LOL*) and she sees it as a positive relationship, maybe she is just going through a rut in the road. Chances are, as long as their hearts are in the right place, things will get better again soon.
Trust your mom the best you can to make the best decision for all of you. She sounds like a very giving person. Maybe there are things he's doing for her that you just don't see or she doesn't talk about?? Maybe he shows his love to her in a different way than she does to him?? That's not always wrong, just different, and just something to consider.
As for this guys kids?? Yeah, they kinda gotta come first but it has to be done with common sense. It depends on what kind of "family drama" your referring to here, I don't know what is really going on, but if it's a serious deal, then you should try to respect his feelings.
Likewise - he needs to start respecting YOUR feelings more as well. So that also doesn't mean you can't talk to HIM about this as well and express what you are feeling.
Keep the lines of communication open!! That's the best advice I can offer you, hon. Keep watching out for your mom and caring for her. Approach things with a team approach and you'll have more resources to deal with the complications that everyone will face at one time or another.
2006-08-09 03:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lady_Knight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey hon, you will never get a "Brady Bunch" family thing going in real life, usually the "kids" (his) and anyone else who is connected to those kids, will take precedence over another woman & her child. He should have taken yours & your moms feelings into consideration, & at least called, and since he didn't, I would have to question exactly what his motives are, I mean, if he has your mom doing stuff for him all the time, sounds like he's a bit selfish, and maybe taking adavantage of your mom. So tell your mom to be careful, and ease up on doing so much for him, if he can leave you both hanging when you are trying to be thoughtful, Id start to wonder!!
2006-08-09 03:25:11 · answer #3 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should talk to ur mother and let her know how u feel and let her know that the relationship is taking a toll on her and that u see it.. let her know that u hear her when she's crying and that u see it in her eyes when she' upset and down.. let her know that she deserves so much better and that a relationship consists of both partners going the xtra mile... let her know that u only notice her going the xtra mile.. tell her being a gf or wife doesn't consist of her sitting and waiting around til he's ready to come home or until it's convenient for him..
but understand if he already has a family then he needs to deal with those issues first before he can start working on a family with ur mother...
let ur mom know that.. maybe he's not ready, at least according to what ur saying he isn't.. tell ur mom u love her dearly and that u don't want to see anyman using her...she deserves to be happy....
and if i were u, i wouldn't get so easily attached to any man ur mom is dating because u never know what could happen...
good luck...
2006-08-09 03:15:01 · answer #4 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 4 months, it's impossible to know if this guy is going to work out as a long-term fit for your family. He has other commitments, and as much as it might hurt you to be jealous of that fact, right now those commitments are more important to him. I think you should be proud of him for still being there for his sons, as a lesser man would forget about his commitments to spend time with a new family.
It's a difficult situation and there's probably no way that everyone's needs can be met. The only thing to do is to have a lot of communication. I hope things work out for the best.
2006-08-09 03:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by Steven S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm thats a hard one hun, i would say to your mom , mom i know you think you love this man but you need to stop and look at everything since he has been in our lives.Tell her what you see and how you feel about this whole situation i think he is using your mom from the way things sound and your mom needs to things for herself and cause she wants to do these things not cause a man wants her too. I think he used her to get these plans done up so he wouldnt have to pay some one else to do them. You need to talk to your mom and dont be surprise if she is upset with what your saying or even angry but she still heard you and i garuntee she is watching out and paying attention after.
2006-08-09 03:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by sht4brains4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your Mom what you just told us,Sweetie.I have a 17yr old daughter.I have re-married now but before that..I dated a few a**holes myself and BELIEVE ME..She never minded telling me what she thought of who I was seeing.And I respect her opinions very much! Im sure your Mom does too..So Go Tell Her......and ummmm....Be VERY CAREFUL about who you get attached to so easily.The dating scene for parents is no easier than with you teenagers.Actually a little tougher because we ALWAYS have to consider how this person will treat our children.And we have more responsibilities.You sound like a sweet girl.Go to your Mom...Talk to her.Tell her you are worried..that you see this relationship taking a huge toll on her.I think she will agree. Hope I Helped...Take Care!
2006-08-09 03:35:15 · answer #7 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask him why he didn't come..maybe there is something very important, or his sons want him to be with them. Eventhough your mom has been dating with him for 4 months..I think it is not a guarantee that he will do everything for you and your mom. His sons are more important for him, but ..of course that doesn't mean that you and your mom aren't. And if this is the first time he broke his promise... can both of you give him the second chance?
2006-08-09 03:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by friendship 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, she's the mummy, she shouldn't provide up on her daughter. My suggestion, kin counseling. in the event that they at the instant are not getting it the two human beings(daughter and mom) will land up regretting each and every thing they have achieved to one yet another in years yet to return. No new child is impossible to realize out to, and maximum in all probability the mummy is basically as in charge because of the fact the daughter and performed some section contained in the daughters habit. they decide on counseling, no longer emancipation.
2016-09-29 02:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very possible that he is using your mother. From the sounds of it, he's not really interested in keeping a relationship with her. Does he ask her to do his work for him often? Because it's sounding like he's using her as an unpaid assitant. I think you really need to talk to your mom. If you bring up your concerns, she may see the light in it all.
2006-08-09 03:12:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋