My husband and I have had alot of problems. Is it someting we're going through? Or is the love gone?

Question

He's done alot of things to hurt me. Some of the things his done are unforgivable. Obviously I don't trust him anymore. We seem to fight all the time, sometimes over nothing. When we kiss, I don't feel the love in it. When we have sex, I don't feel like it means anything. I do love him. We've got a baby girl together. We've be together for 3 and 1/2 years. We did break up for 2 months, but got back together after proof that I was pregnant. He wasn't really there for me through the pregnancy. In fact, he kept breaking up with me. All his friends think I'm so hot, but why doesn't he give me attention? Sometimes I think we only married cause teh baby. Even after getting married, he's done things. Leaving does cross my mind. I'm 19. I'm so young. What if there's someone else for me. Maybe he and I aren't ment to be. Or it this just be something we're going through? We were married 1 year in May. I;m confused about what I want anymore. I do want love, romance, passion. what do you think?

Answer 1

Amanda, at 18, you guys were still just kids when you got married. Sounds like he was even more of a kid than you. It's important to know that growing up takes time - and in your case, both of your cases - you're trying to rush that growing up thing awfully fast.

Look around at the single guys your husband's age. 19 year old single guys - what are they doing? They're staying up all night, getting into and out of relationships so fast you need a program to keep up with the players, and trying to find that balance between being a kid and being an adult. Your husband is no different. He's still maturing, and is probably several years (several can be two or ten) away from that lightning bolt that says, "Okay. Let's settle down and make this work."

You are in the same boat. Still maturing, but pushed into adulthood through being a mother too young. Look at your friends who are 19. They're out partying, trading off dates like they were currency, and just having a good time. They're getting settled into college, and they're just walking that balance, too.

So, here's the thing. Both of you need to sit down and lay out the ground rules for this relationship, IF YOU WANT IT TO WORK. He will agree to be home 5 or 6 nights a week. You will agree to support his dream. He will be oh so very helpful with the baby and the household chores. You will let him head out to meet the guys for a beer now and then. He will take the baby and let you go out with the girls now and then. And you will both understand that the baby is the important thing for now.

Later, if your working relationship as parents leads to a loving relationship, great. If not, you can revisit this in five or six years. For now, you both have a job to do, and that's to be great parents.

Get to work. Good luck. - Stuart

Answer 2

Without any more detail I would say he's the type that enjoyed the chase more than actually getting you. There probably is someone better out there for you but if you are 'hot' you're going to have to become more intuitive about the guys you would date should the marriage end. You can try to work things out with your husband but don't think that a weekend away without the kid is going solve anything. You need to sit down with him and find out exactly what he wants out of the relationship. If he can't tell you then you must make the determination whether to continue with him or not. If he has done things in the past that are truly unforgivable I have to wonder how you two lasted this long.
Hope things work out for you. Take care and good luck!

Answer 3

Please go back and read your statement. Only this time read it as though it was someone else. Your answer is glaring at you from your own words.

Yes he did only get back with you because of the baby.
He clearly has little to no interest in you now, just hanging in there.

Without a doubt there is someone else out there waiting for you to find him. And he will make you so happy you will never ever have to ask this again. But you must go through the pain to get the glory.

Remember this......while you may be a very hot girl...attraction is not a choice. We make no conscious decision about who we will find attractive or want to live with. That is the same for both men and women. Your beauty attracted him in the beginning but the rest of you didn't fit. Can't be sure but that may be true for you. You just have a lot of reasons why you make yourself think you love him.

You are still young. Yes you have complications, baby, but you deserve to be happy. Make the break because to stay will only continue to be bad and will get worse.

Answer 4

If he loves you he wouldnt try to hurt you, and the foundation of any relatioship is trust. And you had to have 'proof' that you were pregnant just to get back together? You say sometimes you think ya'll just got back together b/c of the baby, but you said yourself that he needed proof there WAS a baby before he'd get back together with you. I dont mean to be negative in ANY way, but...you ARE 19...you dont want to wait until you're 40, when chances of finding love are all but gone. You're 19, still younge enough to find someone who will treat you with love and tenderness. Maybe this will all pass over...But you, yourself said ya'll broke up, got back together b/c you were pregnant, he wasnt supportive during the pregnacy, and he still doesn't seem to be there for you. And to keep breaking up with you while you're pregnant? Pregnacy in itself seems to be a hassle enough, mood swings, another human being poping out of your body, ya know things like that. If he loved you don't you think he would have been there to support you, to make sure you werent too stressed out to ensure a happy, healthy baby? If he's done things that are, as you say, unforgivable....then I think you've answered the question yourself. You cant trust him....how are you suppose to be with someone you cant trust? If he goes out somewhere can you trust he's going where he says he is? Is he says work kept him over will you have to call and double check or can you believe him? If he 'just goes out with the guys' will you have to sit and wonder if there are more than 'just guys' hanging around him? If you cant trust him wont you be miserable double checking his every move? And wont he be miserable being checked behind like a child? (Even if he does deserve it) You deserve better than that. And 19, you're still in your prime! Maybe try marrige counseling, then go from there. Good luck...Also keep in mind how our child will grow up....Will your child see his/her parents happy together or be raised in a house full of yelling, or unhappiness....The main question is...Are YOU happy? Good luck.

Answer 5

If he had done things that makes you lose trust in him, obviously you need not trust him at all. However, trust is very important in a relationship. Talk to him and ask him what does he intend to do? Carry on hurting you? Or changed to a better person? I can tell that you are rather unwilling to leave, maybe for the sake of the baby or your love for him. By confronting him and talk things out, you should be mentally prepared that things will not go on smoothly. So try to talk calmly over things. If not, seek a marriage counsellor. If nothing works, ask yourself "will you be better off without him?". Though you might be reluctant to live him, but you might be better off as you do not be so emotionally tired ever again.

Answer 6

Have u talked things thru wt him? about all what's happening in your marriage.? u see..marriage is a serious relatioship... it's not like u are boyfriend and girlfriend anymore..but husband and wife..especially the fact that there's baby involvement. Try to find the problems and try to work things out.... may b u both shud go for therapy. You both shud be honest about feelings towards each other..if u feel the love has gone, u need to regain it back. Sometimes ur just confused n u thought like u dont love him anymore but infact u still love him. Ask him if he do love u... but if there's nothing can be helped nymore, then try to be honest to each other and settle things wisely. Sometimes marriage can still be saved when u do think it's for the sake of the baby's future. but sometimes it mite also hurt one side when it seems like pretending to be happy but the fact that it's not. Dont wait til things get worst.

Answer 7

I see a large type of persons saying that your son could are available in the previous your social existence, etc. yet i'm no longer confident that is what you worry about. it style of feels to me that you worry that your son isn't spending adequate time inclusive of his father. If he's no longer protecting up his area of custody then take him back to court docket and petition for more effective custody on your area. Then take your son with you once you should run errands and what no longer. you'd be in a position to spend time with acquaintances at the same time as your husband has the boy say, the different weekend or so. danger is that if he unearths out that you're contesting his custody because he would not take it he will straighten up and do what he's meant to do.

Answer 8

You learn together with time what romance and passion is all about, and if you don't trust him, why try? Better off being apart happy, then together and being miserable. Sounds like you both have alot of growing up to do. You'll end up doing it much faster because you have a child.

You're young enough to find all that you desire in a man, but if you love him, he needs to rebuild that trust. To make a relationship work you need comfort, and if you are no longer comfortable in your relationship, it isn't worth the time to waste.

Answer 9

You are 19? Honey, you do not have to put up with that. You should ALWAYS put your baby's well being in front of your own. If you are not happy is that baby going to have a loving environment in which she can grow up in? Sometimes it is better just to end something before it gets to hard. You are still young, and can find someone else who would LOVE and RESPECT you. Do something before it is to late. Maybe first you should try couples therapy before you end a relationship. Then at least you can say you tried to help your relationship; If that dose not work you do what is best for YOU, and that BABY!!!

Answer 10

Unless things change, I should say unless he wants to change this will not work. I don't think he sees anything wrong with what he's doing. You deserve so much better, you and your daughter. Dr. Phil says kids would rather come from a broen home than live in one. It's true. I left my first marriage because I wasn't being treated with respect. I am now married again, me and my kids are happy. They even have a healthy relationship with their father, that I don't think they could have had in the situation we were in. You guys are young and it's hard. If both of you are willing to try, this could work, but I don't think he values your marriage or you. Only you and him know.