I've known for a few months that my brother is gay, but just the other day I found out that my best friend is gay, and they're dating.
I don't have anything against gay people, and I don't have those sort of feelings for my friend, but it's still really depressing and it's upset me.
Do you think there's any reason behind it?
2006-08-09 02:55:04 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I meant any reason behind me feeling weird after they started seeing each other.
I've known my friend all my life, and he's like a brother to me. as I said before, I don't have any feelings for him like my brother, I'm not gay.
it's weird to be around them when they're together.
2006-08-09 04:56:10 · update #1
It might be that unconsciously you feel that you have lost your brother and your friend - as they have found each other.
It sounds as if they didn't tell you openly, and it would be normal for you to feel a bit upset about that.
I think it's often difficult when our best friend starts dating - because they have less time for us. In this case, it is complicated by who he is dating!
I think it is reasonable for you to feel down about this - it's a lot to get your head around.
Maybe it would help to get out as much as possible with other friends and enjoy yourself. Give yourself time to take in what has happened. You haven't lost your brother or your friend - they are just a bit pre-occupied at the moment. I'm sure they are both still there for you.
I hope that it will work out well.
2006-08-09 03:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by Suzita 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be weirded out if my best friend dated my sister so I think you have a reason to be weirded out about the whole deal. I am bisexual so let me tell you it is not because they are gay it is because these two have a specific relationship to you and now they have one outside of you that you will always be excluded from. You can't help the way you feel but I am sure that you have told each of these two men in your life things that you would not tell the other and now the balance of power has shifted they are united and you feel a little hurt a little betrayed and possibly a little embarrassed at the knowledge of you that these two men together have about you. You are feeling vulnerable and understandably upset. If you love your brother and you love your best friend you will accept this and move on. You may want to find a new best friend though. You can not be best friends with your in-laws.
2006-08-09 03:15:47 · answer #2 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself time to get used to the idea. Maybe you feel like they won't have time for you if they are spending all their time with each other, and this could be a problem. But give them a chance to work on their relationship, and after they are over the initial burst of wanting to be alone together all the time, they will appreciate it that you were patient and still want to be friends.
Warning: if they have arguments, don't take sides. Just say "that's between the two of you" and otherwise shut up, or you will lose the affection of the one you side against, maybe forever.
Spend time with other friends while you're waiting for this relationship to sort itself out. Maybe get interested in something you haven't done before - a new sport or a new kind of music or something. Don't mope around hoping for your brother and your friend to notice that you're lonely, because most likely they won't notice. Be your own person, and you'll be fine.
2006-08-09 03:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by Maple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be possible that your jealous. Not about their relationship but the attention that your friend is giving to your brother. But what is really the reason why you are upset? Maybe you are starting ti fall for your best friend..
But of course anyone would really be upset if you found out recently that your best friend is gay. Most guys would feel awful but what else can you do? There's no way that you alter him but just accept him for who he is. Don't let your friendship collapse. The question is "how was he as a friend for the long time that you have been with him?" and not "how he is, just a couple of hours ago?"
2006-08-09 03:06:40 · answer #4 · answered by imhotep_jsp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're just worried that your best friend won't spend any time with you now that he's in a relationship and you think it might cause some tension between you and your brother. Its normal to feel a bit depressed when your friends are in relationships and you're not - especially if its with a family member, and i think most people have a moment of wondering when you find out someone that close to you has a secret like that that you didn't even see, it doesn't even suggest that you're gay yourself. You'll get used to them being together hopefully and wonder why you were upset at all.
Good luck figuring it out. x
2006-08-09 03:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by wolfsbane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It stands to reason that if your brother is like you, and your friend likes you, then the fact that he is attracted to him makes sense. Your brother perhaps has your good qualities, which your friend likes, but also shares the same sexuality as your friend. This doesn't mean in any way that your friend fancies you though. Try hard not to be hurt, it must be hard to find the right partner when the numbers of them around are reduced, so try to be glad for them.
I can see it may affect your friendship because they will want to spend time together. Try to make yourselves part of a bigger group and you won't feel so isolated. Good luck.........
2006-08-09 03:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by Jean B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that you feel betrayed by both your brother and your best friend. At the very least, your best friend shoud have told you when they first started dating that he was gay. Aside from the orientation aspect, you now have the problem of your best friend (and confidant) dating a sibling, and possibly telling him things that should just be kept between you two. It's really more than the suddeness of finding out your friend was gay; it's the idea of confidences between friends possibly getting out to family members, through your brother.
2006-08-09 04:34:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's wierd to be around them and that doesn't mean that you have any sexual feelings for your friend, but it is natural to be jealous, he's your best mate and you probs feel that your brother is taking him away from you, as obviously they are gonna want to spend more time together and you may feel pushed out, it is completely natural to feel like this it would be the same for anyone when their best friend gets a new partner whether they are gay or straight.
2006-08-10 01:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by sugarbabe180 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Behind the gay thing? People are born that way. Behind your brother and best friend dating? If your best bud was over at the house a lot, the opportunity was there for them to get close. Since both are close, learn to accept it and show your support
2006-08-09 03:18:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think of myself as being a pretty open minded person who tries not to judge others. Having said that, there is something about seeing two guys kissing or holding hands that still causes me to flinch a bit. I know homosexuality has been around throughout history, and logically I don't have a problem with it. In reality, I still find it odd!
I imagine having your friend dating your brother does seem a bit strange!
2006-08-09 03:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋