i have changed since we split up, and this is good because before we would argue night and day.and i have made myself calm down. im so angry with myself for letting my marriage break up for this time and i dont know how to stop myself feeling so bad. i love my husband and we are back together. but my guilt is torturing me to the point where i am in despair all the time. its just knowing my husband was there without me and im struggling to accept he may have spoken to other women. he would cry himself to sleep when we were apart so i know he didnt sleep with anyone but he may have spoken to women and that really really hurts. i spoke to other men but one day i suddenly realised how stupid we or i had been. i want to be with him forever and never go through this again. how can i stop feeling so bad and this pain inside?
2006-08-09 01:18:05 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to learn to forgive yourself first and foremost,torturing yourself over the past is no good and you need to let go of it.Sit down with your husband and explain how you feel,communication is a vital part of your future happiness and unless you talk to your husband hes not going to know how your feeling.Dont be so hard on yourself as your only human and we all make mistakes.No one is perfect and each day is a new learning stone for us.So get talking honey and im sure things will work out fine.Best of luck :)
2006-08-09 01:24:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to do is to look on the positive side.You are back where you BOTH belong. What is done is done. Deep inside you ,you have come to realize that you could have handled the situation differently. BUT you did what you thought was right at that moment in time.
The fact that you are together can only be a good thing.Do not beat yopurself by thinking that he may have spoken to someone else. The fact that he did not sleep with anyone says to you that he did and he still loves you.So build on that.
You should try and talk things over with your husband. tell him how you feel. Once you have got it out of your system then do not keep thinking about it. So what if he spoke to someone else? What was he supposed to do when you were not there? lock himself and isolate himself from the world? do you not talk to people?Why should it hurt you so much if he talks to people? Are you afraid deep inside you that you may have caused more harm by separating than is visible ?
Be by his side. tell him that you love him. Let him say to you that he loves you too. Build on the new relationship. It might be a good idea if you two can go away for a few days. Away from the familiar surroundings.
HAVE FAITH IN THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR HIM AND THE LOVE HE HAS FOR YOU.
good luck and god bless you.
2006-08-09 08:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you made a slight mistake. However, if you two are getting along better, then it might have been for the good. I think that since you are back together you should sit him down and tell him you need to talk about things. During that time, you need to tell him the truth about your feelings and your concerns. Describe the guilt and let him know that you are worried that he might have talked to another woman. Also you are obligated to tell him that you talked to another man. You both need to come clean during this talking time, even if you had an affair. Both of you need to be honest since this is the new beginning for each of you. IF he did have an affair, and IF you had an affair, you can't be upset about it because you were separated, and it would be normal. Whatever you do, be polite. Good luck
2006-08-09 08:25:33 · answer #3 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to stop looking back and saying "what if." That happened yeah you wish you guys did not have to go through that but constantly looking back at it and feelings sorry about it is not going to change the present situation. What you need to do know is focus on your marriage in the present. You know the mistakes you have made in the past so you will not make them again. You and your husband should communicate better and talk about any problems you have in the marriage. You can make new memories now that you guys are on the same page and are willing to work on the marriage. Focus on the present and what you can do not the past mistakes.
2006-08-09 08:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad, you are back together again and that is what matters. Don't dwell on the past, look towards the future. I'm sure your husband more than forgives you for the seperation. One good thing came of it - you realised how much you loved him and missed him so DON'T FEEL BAD!
Every time you feel yourself thinking back to the seperation say out loud 'I'm drawing a line under it' and think of something else. Eventually you will stop thinking of it all together.
Men only speak to other women because they don't understand how we think, it's a good thing not a bad thing!
Good Luck
2006-08-09 08:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by DippyGirl78 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last year I ad a affair that got out of hand, In turn i let go of my marriage and my family too, during my time of playing the field i blamed my wife for the loss of communication between us (yahoo chat rooms etc) and accepted my ignorance too, when my wife discovered the truth of what id been doing, i came clean and left no stone unturned, i told her everything, when/where and even the days i was supposed to be @ work, I wasn't, as I know what your both going through, I even told my 2 daughters 18 & 15 of what i ad done. 12 months on now and both me & my wife are getting on like house on fire, me being honest with her and to myself as made us such better people & the love is better than @ any point in our 14 years of married life, its a rough patch your both having but talking together will help you both, all the very best
2006-08-09 08:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by andy_pandemonium 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek the advice of a professional. You will just keep beating yourself up until you learn to to let it go. Was arguing the only reason you split up? It takes two to make a marriage work and a good marriage takes ALOT of work. For what ever reason you are making the seperation sound likeit was all on you. Learn to place some of the blame where it belongs, on him. RIght now you have him on sort of a pedistal. Bring him down from there.
2006-08-09 08:25:46 · answer #7 · answered by heartache 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your back together now stop dwelling on the past, the future has no room for the past, you are putting too much energy into feeling bad and worrying, you could be putting that energy into making your marriage even stronger. It doesnt matter if he spoke to other women, he loves you, you said that you had learnt how to control your anger, but just be careful keeping all these feelings inside is not good one day you could explode, try and put the past behind you start again like its a new relationship. good luck
2006-08-09 08:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to grow up and stop!!! Live in the present, sweetie since even God can't change the past. You sound very immature......be mature and starting acting like and adult and forgive yourself or maybe he will see that he made a mistake coming back. But, you may want to try some marriage counseling if you are serious about staying together.
2006-08-09 08:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya... Think that was a nice experience eventhough... For each and every happening there is a lesson... You read that lesson and also successfully passed your exam... Then what....? You are the expert one how to handle the situation however it may be....!!! Now love a lot to bind... Happpy life
2006-08-09 08:26:01 · answer #10 · answered by Manicks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋