stay home mom of 11 month old. husband expects too much.he refuses to help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

my husband has a full time job and he thinks that since i get the same eight hours plus more at home with the baby i shud b doing evrything like cleaning , cooking, grocery, taking care of baby, entertaining guests,plus painting scrapbookin, gym and he just wont help....what should i do? he thinks that since i was working before the baby and doing most of the above metioned work with some help from him, now i should be doing all this on my own just bcoz im home......he does not realize that being a new mom with no help since we dont have any family around is more than a full time job.

Answer 1

Staying at home and raising a child, although important is really not all that tough ladies. I shudder to thing what your house must look like if you need more than the 1-1/2 hours a day to clean it which can be done at naptime. Everything else you described is a part of normal life and is complicated by taking the kid along but does not make it impossible. So when comparing the demands of a stay at home mom to having to go to work for your 40 hr.s plus you ladies are still getting the better part of the deal. Frankly raising the kid is not 24/7. The kid gets naptime and sleeptime for what should be more than 10 hours daily. When he gets home there should be some dad time with the kid to free you to cook or whatever. Most dads I know were responsible for bath and bedtime. This is kid time and does not relate to running the household. I agree that you should not be tied to the kid with no time for yourself. That's what his time with the kid is for. Not to do his job and your's too. The division of labor and scheduling is essential for this to work smoothly. You need to accept that there is limited time in the week for both of you . To put the additional burden on your husband to work and work some more cuts into the time he should be spending caring for his children. One other tidbit, you'd better also figure out how to set an hour a day aside to be just a couple. After bedtime works nicely which means they
are in bed by 8:30 or 9:00 if they are young. If not you will find in a few years that you forgot how to be a couple with disastarous result.

NoSweet, I'm not a stay at home mom by definition. I'm an empty nest dad who raised two sons with a working wife who managed to fit it all in. Not that there was no complaint but between us we found/made time to build our house, raise the boys, run the home, coach their teams, get them out of high school and into college, and ,and,and. My experience is that the stay at home moms who complain the most have the least demand on their time. My point is schedule goes a long way. The dads need to spend their off work time with their children not doing housework.
That is an 18 year job which cannot be postponed.

Answer 2

I am a stay at home mom too and it is soooo hard! I'm exhausted all the time. This is harder than when I was "working". Keeping a clean house is already a tough job. My spouse knows that. He sympathizes. Let your husband stay home for a couple of days and have him take care of the baby, the laundry, the dishes, all the meals while you go out and pamper yourself. and when you come home, do not offer to help him (unless you are breastfeeding the baby). If your husband refuses, tell him "If you're such a man then I'd like to see you do this "job" better than me". If he is still a coward, tell him "You're right. Maybe you're 2 old to do my job that's why you can't do it". Try this and see if it works :)

Let me know how it goes. *Hugs*

Answer 3

obviously flagger guy, you are not a stay at home mom. If you were, you would know that just because the sleep time of 10+ hrs is recommended, does not mean that it happens, nor do all children come out on a sleep schedule, feeding schedule or sleep all night ling.. My four yr old still does not sleep all night long.. Oh if it only takes 1.5 hours to clean my house then you can come and do it with the kids trailing on behind you pulling everything out that you just put way.. GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK.. Ladies it is hard but that is why the women do it and not the men... My hubby has never helped and when he would have to watch our daughter while I went to school, he would call his mommy over... As far as getting some help around the house, good luck, my hubby always has a one up on me, if I am sick he must be more sick than me, etc.. I would be happy if I could just pee by myself once in a while.. So honey I feel for you believe me, I think a lot of stay at home moms do feel that way and are overwhelmed by it.. Good Luck... :-)

Answer 4

Your job is 24/7 - there is no break. Your husband works only an 8 hour day. He is selfish and insensitive. Dr. Phil would make your husband take care of the baby for an entire day while you are at a spa relaxing! That experience can make all the difference in the world and husbands usually become unselfish and sensitive. Good luck and congratulations on your precious baby!

Answer 5

Well it is his child too. It is not your responsibility to do everything. Tell him you need your time for yourself too. Tell him it is wearing you down, and if he could possibly help you some. On his days off he should be helping you around the house. Tell him you don't get days off being home because it is a 7 days a week job. If he won't help, just let the house go for a few days, and see what he does. I say he will come around.

Answer 6

i was in same suituation my hubbys job took him away for a while at a time and from that i did it all if feels like u are a single parent right? well let your hubby know from experience now our child is 6 and from my hubby being not able to be home now all the time still our daughter has a very strong relationship with me and just bosses daddy around that bond is not that strong so tell him he needs to help give baby a bath or playtime or whatever make him take a day with baby and u go out and do whatever u do. but that not only gives u a break but gives him time alone with child or that strong bond will not be there.

Answer 7

Oh gosh have I ever been where you are at,It took two to make that baby and he has responsibilities as well,you need to express to him just how important it really is for him to take one on one time with the baby so that they can form a tight bond,this will also allow you a little personal time as well.If you dont take a little time for yourself it is not good,also express to him how much more beneficial it is to you and your child that you do get a break,after you have been away from the baby a bit,when you come back you will find that you are able to bond even tighter,a little break will allow you to appreciate the baby much more and all of this can only be good for the entire family

Answer 8

I know what you´re talking about, have had 3 kids in 7 years, been out working in between and yes, hubby helps out more when i´ve had a job and not when ivé needed it, being at home with the baby and so on...strange isn´t it? Being at home with your kids is a h*ll of a lot harder than any job out there, believe it or not....couldn´t you leave in the evenings to do stuff for yourself, go swimming whatever, and also during the weekends..so you don´t forget about yourself too. I don´t know, it ís hard, and u´re tired!

Answer 9

Sh**t, god help him and your child if you are ever sick for a couple of days. Gee what is he going to then. Ahhh there's an idea can you not pretend that you are not well, that way he has take on your responsibilities for a couple of days. Oh that's probably pretty cunning really but hes gonna have to learn at some stage.

Answer 10

Sit him down and explain to him that just because you don't go out of the house to "work", what you are doing at home is "work" and you need help. If he refuses, STRIKE! Only take care of the baby and yourself, neglect the other things that you do. That should get his attention. Then maybe he will realize that you need help and you need to rest also. You did not have that baby by yourself, so he should help too.