My lover's wife discovered our emotional affair, what should I do now?

Question

Almost 1 yr ago, I called the man I consider my one true love to find out what had happened to him. I did a little searching and was not able to find a "wife" anywhere so I called. The moment we connected almost 9 yrs later, he and I realized that we were still completely in love but now what?
We were both in marriages that were not happy, married for all the wrong reasons. He had a child and so did I. We decided to keep talking (looking back on this, god, I know that was a bad move but had no choice... this guy is it for me). We engaged in an intense emotional affair and have talked for hours about the time when we can be together and live our life together.
His wife knows about me... She found a txt message months ago and he promised not to talk to me again. But then he told me that he would never let me go and so we continued. This is without a doubt the man I am meant to be with.
I think she discovered us again, what should I do?

Please note that I did not say we were having a physical affair.. he is not just trying to get in my "bra and panties"... it is an affair of the heart and soul.

Some of the responses here just amaze me...
I do work full time, my marriage is bad and has been for years... we've tried counseling and all sorts of things to fix it. the fact is that we never had "it". I'm not concerned about myself at this point... wondering what to do about him and his wife. I'm sure he is dealing with a mess like you can only imagine...

Answer 1

Does he want to be with you too? If so, please do what you both want to do.Kids never like to see theirs parents unhappy. You have to be happy to make others happy as well. Divorce is not a bad word. Divorce means that things have changed. You have to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Your kids will understand this when they grow up and know about love. Wish you good luck.

Answer 2

how would u feel if your husband came home right now and said he has been having a affair with another woman for the last year and feels that u dont connect anymore and wants to go live with her???? Well that is how he would feel it would hurt and if u truly love your hubby then u should stop contacting this other man and find out what u r missing to make u happy in your marriage? cause apparently u do care about your hubby or u would not of asked this question? Let this man go before it does wreck 2 homes with children involved and then u end up hurt worse. I know it may feel good to hear a man say nice things to u and maybe your husband does not or not as much but he is probably working his butt off to support u and his child. Are u working? If not get a part time job and take a family vacation toegther and see how happy u truly are. Or just be honest and tell hubby that u r not happy and u have been talking to another man for last year and move out so he can move on and be with somoene who will truly love him.

Answer 3

I don't know how bad both of your marriages are. However, If you both really want to get together. You two will make it happen. His wife found out. He could have got the ball rolling right there.

Is your marriage just missing something that this guy is filling in the blanks? Telling you how much he likes you, pretty, would do whatever for you, etc. Stuff that your husband will not say?

I had a friend that had the same problem. She actually went through the divorce process because she really wanted to be with her ex boyfriend and first love. When it came time for him to leave his wife he backed out and for her it was too late. So before you do anything, look at the big picture. Make sure it is something you both want. Don't string your husband and his wife along, it is not fair to them.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Get your own man.....if he can do this to her,what do you think he will end up doing to you.Just the knowledge that a man has a significant other is PLENTY to stop my interests in a man and it should be for you. Try this.....Imagine you,and this man,in a committed relationship/marriage.You *think* everything is ok,we are together,have a family....now you find some other woman's name/number/address/text message/e-mails....talking about him wanting to be with this other woman and leaving you!!!!!! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT???? This is the problem with the world today,no one lives by "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" this is how I successfully live my life. I am dealing with the same thing on this end so I know how bad it hurts to know your man is giving his love and attention to another while you are sitting in the cold and you are the one giving your all to him. If you do NOT want Karma (bad) to show it's ugly face in your life and the road you are traveling you are gonna run smack into Karma....and it DOES come back 10 fold! If you do succeed in obtaining this man,what makes you think he will stay with you and not the new fluzzie of the month...no matter what he is telling you NOW. Another thing he could be doing is just USING you to get out of his marriage and responsibilities with his first and should be top priority family. Some men are known to not leap until they find a bed to land in first. What you have between your legs is not gold and it is not rare.....it is what is in your heart that is rare and worth something. Men(not all men) usually don't care about what is in the heart,just what is in the bra and panties!!! So you must be the gate-keeper to your heart,for no one else will. I hope I could help a little,good luck in your decision....Careful what rattles through your vocal cords out of anger,for once it parts your lips the damage is irreversable....Peace,Love,&Happiness to All!!!

Answer 5

I was exactly there. Please stop thinking with your heart. You can hurt now, or hurt later.
If you choose to hurt now, you two will be the only ones hurting. If you hurt later, you will be hurting yourself because you tried to leave your family, your current husband and your child. THEN you'll wish you had never found this other guy. Trust me please......right now it's a wonderful fantasy to think you might wind up together........and when the reality of MAKING THAT HAPPEN hits you and you actually try to go through with it.......the coals are alot hotter than you ever could have expected. Your husband will not be understanding, your child will suffer through a divorce, you will carry guilt with you for years that you cannot shake........and the ironic part is that the suffering will ruin your love for this other guy and your "relationship" with him.
Get a good therapist and walk out of your affair before it turns physical. Once that happens, you wont' be able to get out. Love always seems grand and wonderful, and then you wind up with the person, and you realize he's just a normal guy like every other one. Being "in love" only lasts a little while.....maybe a year or 2 tops........then you settle into that regular marriage just like the one you had........sometimes WORSE than what you had.
Trust me I know.......feels like your heart is ripping out........but you haven't tried to leave your family yet...........and that is a whole new level of suffering that you wont' understand til you try it. Get out of the clouds and try to fix your marriage, and let him do the same. If it's meant to be, then it will be and won't be because you destroyed lives.

Answer 6

Honestly you should stop seeing him. I was in the same boat years ago. My hubby traveled extensively, and the time we did have together it seemed we fought like cats and dogs. I met a guy. He was living with the mother of his children, they never married, he said they never would. They were together for the kids sakes. We had an affair, for over a year. I ended up telling my husband, and felt I had to leave him (my husband) to be with this man. Well as it turned out, everything that guy said was a lie. He had a great relationship with the mother of his children. And she had no idea why he was cheating on her. He told me they would never get married, but I found out they were engaged. And I found out that he was also cheating with someone else. The point I'm trying to make is this... There is a reason why he is still with that woman. He may be trying to "have his cake, and eat it too", with keeping both women in his life. And don't at anytime think "oh no he wouldn't do that to me, its REAL this time"....cuz its NOT, its not real love the minutes you two started cheating on your families. Take the high road, and high tail it out of there. For YOUR family's sake, and for his child's sake. Don't come out looking like an idiot. There's a reason you are with your husband, and a reason he's with his wife. END IT NOW, and repair the damage to your marriage. Trust me its so worth it. My husband and I grew closer together, he has forgiven me, understands me, and we communicate about our wants and needs. AND I'M THANKFUL for finding out before it was too late. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

See , it is very peculiar situation , and you need not to take the responsibility of the present , in other words , you should not blame your self if his wife knows or not . Hence forth make it a point not to write in any manner , no telephone talk , when you meet again do not use your pvt vehicles , use public taxi . Enjoy normal secret exciting life , all the best , don't make any emotional commitments or promise , just enjoy togetherness.

Answer 8

I am answering this without reading the other answers.

Bottom line is this, until he is DIVORCED affairs of ANY kind are wrong. His wife deserves all HIS ATTENTIONS NOT YOU!!!!!!!!

Doesn't matter how long you've known him either....I always HATE when people bring that crap up.....he made VOWS to another woman, NOT YOU...and put a ring on HER finger, symbolizing his loyalty, love and faithfulness, NOT YOU.

He needs to exhaust all avenues with his WIFE before decideing to divorce and move on.....YOU ARE INTERFERRING IN A MARRIAGE......DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING??????

Geez, another moron in the world is going to have to learn the hard way, I guess.

Answer 9

Why don't you put the time and energy into your own marriage instead of wrecking everyone else's.it's not meant for you two to be or would of happened when you both were single.If something is meant to be it doesn't destroy everything else it touches.I have no respect for cheaters.You made a vow to Your husband,He made a vow to His wife before God and neither one of you honored that.Maybe you do belong together,you both have something in common a soon to be divorce because you will be found out.

Answer 10

This man is waiting for you to let your guard down and have sex with him. He has no intentions of leaving his wife. Get him out of your life immediately!!!