My neighbour's flouting the hosepipe ban and watering his lawn. Should I write swearwords in weedkiller on it

Question

I don't like to snitch but it's much greener than mine.

Answer 1

Yes, use a good systemic weed killer, preferably containing a large amount of paraquat, that should kill his smaller pets too and maybe harm his children.
You can make stencils from large pieces of stout cardboard for neatness and a more profound effect, you will only need 4 big boxes from the supermarket and a good sharp knife to cut out your stencils so that you can neatly write `C*NT` in big letters across his lawn.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Nah let him get on with it. I cannot believe that in Britain where it rains non stop for months on end the water companies still run out, despite making trillions in profits.

I did remember a honeymoon prank on a friend of mine some years ago where the word "Wanker" was planted in spring flowering bulbs on his front lawn, so that he got the shock of his life a year later.

I also remember someone I know very well and another guy coming home from the pub one night and creating an anatomically correct and very erect "crop penis" in a field of rape seed in the hope that the local news helicoper would spot it.

Answer 4

Sneak into his garden at night and plant Japanese Knot Weed. Once it's established it takes about 20 years of constant weedkiller and digging up before you get rid of it. It spreads like wildfire and crowds everything else out so effectively it's the plant world's version of concrete.

Answer 5

Move up North, mate - there's no hosepipe bans here!

But go for the swear words in any case! Top idea!

Answer 6

It could be fun but can you be sure that you can do it without being caught.
I have heard that the water companies use helicopters to spot the green gardens which show that watering is being done and then do ground checks so you could write 'illegal watering done here' with weed killer for the spotter plane to pickup. Just imagine your neighbour's worry for months whilst that message is on show. ;o)

Answer 7

Get a dog to sh*t all over it, and fashion one of his hedges into a rude lady or man part.

Or buy a gopher to make holes all over the lawn.

Also wee will make the grass yellow, so show his lawn YOUR hosepipe.

Answer 8

Hospipe ban? What's that then. We've got more water than we know what to do with in the North East. I'll send you a couple of buckets in the post if you want.

Answer 9

No! Write it in super gro or something! It comes in a white powder, and if he washes it off, it'l make his grass grow greener swearwords for ages!

Answer 10

LMAO - that sounds like SOOOOOOOO much fun. Swear words mysteriously appearing on lawns all over the country - it could be a bigger phenomenon than crop circles!