what is ur opinion about my first song?plz read..?

Question

WE CHASE MISPRINTED LIFE WE FACE THE PATH OF TIME AND YET I FIGHT AND YET I FIGHT THIS BATTLE ALL ALONE NO ONE TO CRY TOO NO PLACE TO CALL HOME MY GIFT OF SELF IS RAPED MY PRIVERCY IS RAKED AND YET I FIGHT AND YET I FIGHT THESE BATTLES ALL ALONE IF I CANT BE MY OWN ID FEEL BETTER DEAD

Answer 1

It's a good place to start, but I'd like to hear it with the rhythm you intended, not what I assume. Try writing the song out like a poem and using caps on the words or parts of words with emphasis. Study different song formats, folk, blues, rock, rap, reggae and adapt your song to the style and format that you like the most.

Answer 2

in line with possibility those different 5 women you stated additionally are flirtatious or what that's why the boys hated them. i don't be conscious of in case you have seen that talk ingredient on bbc. one team mentioned that the headscarf would desire to nonetheless be worn contained in the previous, whilst the different one mentioned that those days, muslim women folk would desire to be allowed to no longer positioned on the headscarf. that they had solid factors there in regards to the donning of the headscarf. besides, i think of it is not honest for the 'accultured' muslims to be hated because of the fact they do no longer positioned on the headscarf.i for one do no longer positioned on the headscarf, no longer yet. yet i nonetheless dress proper, no mini skirts by any means.yet i'm no longer able to dodge being wrong as a kafir. and yea, i do practice my faith . it somewhat is in hassle-free terms that i do no longer positioned on the headscarf,long-sleeved blouses and long skirts. I even have this buddy who's additionally a muslim. yet they positioned on revealing clothing, they drink on particular events, and that they do no longer practice their faith. in line with possibility, not often.on each and every occasion she shares, i sort of sense indignant because of the fact even nevertheless she's a proud muslim, they do no longer act the way a muslim would desire to act. it somewhat is like they're basically muslims by utilising the call. nicely, she's nonetheless my buddy nevertheless.

Answer 3

its good u need to split it up like this..

can u feel da vibez
rise 2 ur eyez
give u advise that amplifies
how 2 diguise the truth from the liez

Answer 4

Its so defeatist. No one is better of dead.

Answer 5

it's all in caps, so it's yelling, so it can't be good.