When I was four years old I was brutally raped. My family fell apart not long after and I had been going along with life as if nothing ever happend. I never talked about it and I would deny nightmares. I told my husband little about the rape when we were together. I would not accept his love fully (feeling of being damaged). Anyways, I left him a few years ago and since then I had a baby with another man (single mother). My husband that would not divorce me, knows this. We started talking via e-mail again and he wants to rebuild our friendship. I feel so ashamed for everything that I have done (I love my child with all my heart though) and I am currently getting help to work through this issue, but I feel undeserving of his love, his friendship, but I owe him this, yes?
2006-08-08 21:47:52 · 10 answers · asked by Sequoia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is an amazing guy. He always has been. I guess my fear is falling in love again. This being an issue still; I guess. Having the right to be loved; worthy. I thank you all for your answers. This is a road I must travel alone, but having a friend as great as him could not hurt, you have made me relieze. As for the man that questions rape on a four year old... I had to have three corrective surgery's. I am pretty sure rape is possible on a four year old. Thank you again and God bless.
2006-08-08 22:07:40 · update #1
My husband was never controlling by any means. I see that as a concern for some. The only thing I can say "againt" him is that he gave up on me (so to speak), but trust me, after all the pulling away that I did, I can not blame him. Everyone's answers have really helped me. Thank you again!
2006-08-08 22:11:39 · update #2
You are deserving of his love. You have done nothing wrong. You obviously have trust issues coming from the traumatic experience of being raped. You being able to talk about it all is real growth on your part. You are a valuable person. You have a child that needs you and will always love you. It sounds to me as if your husband is a great guy. He obviously still loves you if he wants to rebuild your relationship. Working through your issues will help you be able to trust and love someone, and feel as if you are loveable. Don't be ashamed, that is a wasted emotion. Move forward with your heart and mind set on your goals of becoming a whole person, capable of loving and accepting love. Whether or not you build a relationship with your husband is entirely up to you...I think it could be a good thing. Don't beat yourself up. Happiness is a good thing. You deserve to be happy. Let others help you and love you. Hopefully one day you will trust enough to move on, and accept the love that is freely given. Good luck and God bless you.
2006-08-08 21:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by sleepless in the ATL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hugs... I am sorry that you have to deal with this... my ex-husband had sort of the same issue he was dealing with but in denial for several years and never saught help until I finally left him.... it really messes you up in adulthood if you are not allowed to talk to someone or get conseling about it..
I will tell you this.. your husband does love you enough that he is still there for you and wanting to help you work on yourself... it is only fair to you both that you do work thru this.. it will take awhile but your husband seems to understand that your past is more than just what it seemed back then when you were together... he knows there is more at stack that is why he wants to help you...
My soon to be ex has been going thru conceling now for 2. years some was off and on and that just sets him back to have to redue it... you have to stay in counceling and get helped until it's over.. who knows how long that is... but be patient with yourself so you can love your husband and child the way you were not as a child... they deserve it, since they too love you...
Your concelor will hlep you uderstand your selfworth and help you get yourself back... it just takes time... time heals ALL wounds they say... so hang in there and dedicate you getting better to your child and husband.
I do suggest finding a support group for molested/raped children who are now adults dealing with the grief and anger they feel in your area... and also do a search online for it and maybe find a message board to post at about it...
Remember to be true to yourself... there are 2 ppl who love you and you deserve it! God Bless you!
2006-08-09 00:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by nknicolek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I empathize with you as a human with also past tramatic pain. Points mean nothing here, so I tell you that Sleepless in ATL is going to be probably your best answer. The only thing that I add to this is that it seems your husband is an incredible man, unless he is into controlling you if you are a weak person because of your past. If you are not and he is not controlling, then dawg gone sounds like he is a gifted human in the right understanding of what love is. Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Joy! God Bless
2006-08-08 22:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by Hmmmmmm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't OWE him your friendship, don't view it as another sacrifice you HAVE to make in order for someone ELSE to be happy. If you want to get to know him again, and enjoyed the time you spent with him, by all means you should try to keep in touch. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and comfortable. If you cannot get past the feelings of fear and violation that you had when you were with him before, do NOT continue to talk to him! You have nothing at all to feel ashamed of for having a child with another man, or for loving your child. It is important for you to provide your baby with examples of positive and healthy relationships so that it can grow surrounded with love and comfort.
I guess what I'm suggesting is, do what feels best to you, trust your instincts, and above all, follow happiness and love instead of obligation and pain.
Best wishes.
2006-08-08 22:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by ohiogirlie74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You having only narrated something and not asked direction on any specific issue, what exactly is your problem may be noted, so that matter-of-fact direction or advice could be given.
The action when you had been four years could be a brutal molestation not rape. Rape involves many more spheres and the same could not be done to a child in the age of four.
2006-08-08 21:56:52 · answer #5 · answered by mkm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is the best thing that can happen 2 u.
go ahead fast.
wish u a v happy and love filled life.
2006-08-08 21:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by hsarora47 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wh...why do you want to live in the past!
The person that did this to you is gone it will not happen again
please do not be a prisoner of your fears. If he saids he loves you and he wants you. That is all you need your forgiven become a family please forget all the bad pass please and build new ones with this guy and your daughter.
2006-08-08 22:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by Paul G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you at least owe his an explanation if nothing else
i wouldn't take you back or forgive you or even talk to you, but he might have a different heart than mine
2006-08-08 22:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be thankful such a good man came into your life. you should be with him, let him help you cope. good luck.
2006-08-08 21:58:14 · answer #9 · answered by Discovery 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you feel you owe him this but how are your feelings towards him
2006-08-08 21:52:10 · answer #10 · answered by theresa M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋