I am transsexual, and I have been wanting to get out of my family's house in order to start transition to become female. I have found a nice place to live but as expected the rent would push my budget to the limit with my current debts in place. I am not sure how much longer my relationship with my family is going to last as I have been threatened to be kicked out of the home once and for all, but I don't want to be broke to the point I can't transition if I leave too early. The reason my family's ties are breaking down is that because they do not support my transition in the slightest. Even then they are angry and irratated with me for reasons so pointless that they want me out. I have been trying to transition for nearly three years but this is the one hang up I have. I stumped on the best decision for me. What do you think I should do? Any other advice towards getting along with my transition is also appriciated, thanks for your responce.
2006-08-08 19:37:38 · 8 answers · asked by ? 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Okay I have been not only holding back on "wants" but I have been getting rid of alot of stuff including my old Pokemon Card collection on eBay. It is my strongest source of funds to break my debts with.
2006-08-08 21:30:03 · update #1
Your situation sucks, I'm sorry :(.
My advice would be...
1) Tranisition is expensive. Electro alone can cost over ten grand. Yikes. It's nice to start with a small transition nest egg. Stay with your parents if you can. You'll save at least five hundred a month. That's six thousand a year. A penny saved is a penny earned!
2) If it's emotionally damaging to be there, just leave. It's hard enough to accept yourself, you don't need the 'rents to be hostile. If they're going through the grieving/acceptance process, try and ride out the storm (it gets better), but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Either way you need to start building a support system. Come out to friends who'll take it well (assuming you haven't), find a local or online support group, and try to create dialogue with more extended family.
3) If you move, move into a smaller place than you're looking at. Saving even twenty-five dollars per month on rent is hundreds of dollars a year. It adds up. Smaller places generally have lower utility costs, too.
4) Pokemon isn't worth much, is it? Selling assets is good for a little quick cash, but it's a one-time deal. Jobs are better, because you keep getting money. Sounds simple, but it's true in my own life. On the other end, write down all your debts. Decide if every service you pay for you really need.
5) Make a realistic transition timeline and do some planning. There's a lot of advice here: http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/finance/finintro.html
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My transition advice is to get on an anti-androgen asap. And start electro soon.
Your parents make progress over time, and every parent has a different timeline. It'll get better. Told my homophobic, abusive father when I was sixteen. Took six years for him to come around. My mom finally started talking to me about it, too. Give it time... but that doesn't mean to let them be mean to you as they come to terms.
Good luck, have fun, "and don't take no" crap :).
2006-08-09 03:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of sanity I would make the decision to leave as soon as possible.. 1. they will no longer have something to threaten you with and that will mean less stress on you. 2. in future years you will find that if you dont make a stand now and allow them to push you around and treat you like crap... you will be kicking yourself in the butt for a long while... if youre anything like me at least... You have to look at it this way.. if you stay they are only gonna take every step needed to try and either delay or prevent your transition which is going to mean added time in the long run... if you move out now you can maybe get an extra part time job or something to put back into a savings account while working a fulltime job to pay rent and important bills..
its not easy... but you will get there... sounds like youve got your head on straight and pretty much know what you need to do..
Im ftm by the way just in case yourelooking at the picture in my profile thinking "huh?"
2006-08-08 19:48:36 · answer #2 · answered by Levi Cristopher . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I may be ignorant here, so forgive this question: Can you put off transitioning for awhile and back off on the discussion until your finances are under control and you can move out?
Can a member of the extended family help? Sometimes they will be less freaked out, but still willing to offer you cheap room and board.
I'd try to beat the debt by living beneath my means. I'd hack my purchases way back: music, movies, munchies, lattes, games, clothes, transportation; whatever you can, anything you don't need for your health, job, or education. Keep the end goals in mind: transitioning, being independent, and being debt free. Good luck.
2006-08-08 21:24:35 · answer #3 · answered by lucy_ritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is quite the delimma. Well you can grin and bear it for only so long.
Do you have someone you can move in with? Is there somewhere cheaper to live? I know what it's like because that was the situation for me when I came out of the closet. I had a friend though that I could move in with.
I can't believe they don't support your transition. I have read a few books on this matter and I think it is one the most incredible things you can do.
2006-08-08 19:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm a homosapien and a mammal. I comply with those desginations because they're no longer something greater suitable than a skill of classifying our features. announcing that i'm a primate shows that I consider the ancestry of the human coming from an ape which I needless to say do no longer because of the fact i've got self belief in creation. So, i do no longer consider the primate designation, yet have not got any concern with mammal and homosapien.
2016-11-04 04:39:30 · answer #5 · answered by saturnio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of debt. Transition is not cheap, emotionally and financially. I advise you to get your debts in order and then move on. I'm an FtM doing the same thing. When you're financially secure, then you can say, "screw 'em, I'm out." and be yourself without craving to lean on someone else.
2006-08-09 01:26:21 · answer #6 · answered by Rakan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
check out some tran website and talk to some of the people. You need to feel safe. That's really important. Maybe you can find a roommate and then it will be cheaper-- how about a rooming house? Good luck
2006-08-08 20:10:03 · answer #7 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would get out of debt... it is free housing now and you dont want to be homeless
2006-08-08 20:18:58 · answer #8 · answered by §ЕЖ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋