I am a 59 yr mother of 5 grandmother of 9 I have been married to my husband for 21 yrs None of the kids are?

Question

my childrten hate him. really for no reason except jealously. I raised them without help from their daddy. I am supposed to be there at all times for babysitter ,cook when they are to tired to do so etc. I now live 150 miles away from them. They will not speak to me, nor let me speask to my grandchildren My health is very bad in fact I am considered terminal with two fatal diseases. It is tearing me apart to not e reconciled to all,of them before I die. I do not know what to do to solve this problem please help me with some suggestions Dianne

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this heartbreaking situation. I have Lupus, also incurable, but have enormous support around me from my family and my 5 kids. Without offending you, they seem a little spoilt and cold. It takes a very selfish or heartless person to refrain from making peace with a dying mother who has given her life to her children. They seem to be not ready to listen to you or compromise, so right now I would do nothing. Perhaps you could write to them explaining that you love them all and want to make peace in case something should happen, so no one has regrets. But explain that your health is such that you are not capable of doing their jobs as parents for them anymore. Then the rest is up to them. It has nothing to do with the grandchildren and I feel it's very childish to deny them a relationship with their grandmother just because they have issues. I really don't know what to say that will ease your pain or offer you a solution. You and your husband seem to to have a committed, loving and lasting relationship, so right now I would just concentrate on that and enjoy your life with him as you have for 21 years. I hope things work out for you, truly.

Answer 2

All I can say is reach out to them and tell them exactly how you feel. Maybe write letters, like the question you asked here. Tell them you want to reconcile and you may not have a lot of time left. Get all your thoughts and feelings out. Just doing this - doing your part - will make you feel a little better. Knowing you kept the door open, and tried.

The rest is up to them. And they will have to live with it.

Good luck. God bless.

Answer 3

You have to understand that your children are afraid of being replaced and losing some or all of your affection. You will have to sit down with them and explain that your heart is big enough for them and your new love. And he is not going to take any of your love away for any of them. And that they must help you welcome your new love into our family.... And yes because of his age and experience in life he has the right to tell you to do or help him do some things. And tell them that we as a family can only succeed with us helping each other......................