Hey well First of I am not gay, bi, curious or anything else like that. I don't know what the hell happened. I was hanging out talking with my fiance's dad got really drunk, and the next morning I woke up naked in bed with him. I know what you're gonna say that how do I know that we actually did anything together. Trust me I know. I wont say how, but I know. I have some memories about what happened that I wish I didn't have. I didn't say anything to her dad when I woke up. He was still asleep so I just left. I just don't know what to do. We're getting married next month. I know I have to tell her. I also know it's really gonna **** things up. I just don't know how to tell her, or what to do. Also, I don't know how to face her dad, and discuss it. Someone please help me with this mess. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
2006-08-08 19:01:02 · 28 answers · asked by Matt Harris 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
dude, either you totally screwed up or are a creative bugger.
Justifying getting laid because you are drunk is weak.
get yourself to a therapist, AA or something -- postpone the wedding. This is huge and you need to deal with the fact you did something really really stupid while drunk. This would be bad even if it were another woman, let alone your future father in law.
Can you handle the future, having this guy be the grandfather to your children?? Even if you come to terms with this, can your fiance?
2006-08-08 19:09:57 · answer #1 · answered by justsaynotogrumps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a toughy. I would talk to the dad about what happened first. There is no easy way to do it unfortunetly. Make sure there is NOBODY around to hear if someone hears before you have a chance to tell her it'll screw things up worst. Something that is so out of character like that sounds like he could have put something in your drink. I don't know what kind of a person he is, but it could be possible. Do you think that could have happened? If not my parents were alcoholics and it can make you do really ****** up things. Now on telling your fiance, if you really love her you can't start your marriage off like that, with a secret. You have to tell her. If you don't you will never be able to look at her the same again and you might as well not marry her in the first place. Tell her in a place where after you tell her you can just easily leave. So she doesn't have to go out in public right after finding out. You should start off by telling her how much you really love her. Explain that what you have to say is not going to be easy for her, and that you will understand any reaction from her. If you think he could have drugged you, tell her that, too. It might help to go to a therapist first to get help working it things out in your head. Then anything after that, whether she leaves you or not, you are going to have to except. Things happen in life that you can't change. You just have to keep walking with your chin up.
2006-08-09 02:35:22 · answer #2 · answered by manders 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're really sure something has happened,then you should seriously consider seeing a therapist to help you sort this out because this is not going to go away overnight. One thing you should ask yourself is are you sure you are not gay? Yes,your fiance would be very upset but you should go with your first mind on this one,she's going to be hurt either way,now or later. If you choose not to tell her,it's still going to be lurking in your mind
and bothering the hell out of you,that was why I suggested you get a therapist. You may even consider putting off the marriage date because you have a lot to think about. Suppose you did go through with the wedding,each and every time you see that man,that night is always going to enter your mind. You won't be able to avoid him because he is a big part of your fiance's life I'm sure. Have you talked to him since that night? Maybe it didn't even happen at all. But this problem is not going to go away on it's own.If you do talk to him, you should definately tell him that what happened was wrong and made you feel very uncomfortable. I know this is going to be hard but she has a right to know. Can you honestly feel at ease with a deep family secret like that? Family secrets always get discovered, she is at least entitled a choice if she is strong enough to deal with this or even able to deal with this. Don't expect her to be understanding of this because she won't, she is going to be hurt and angry. I don't know how you would feel about this but have you considered talking to the clergy? If she decides she doesn't want to go through with the marriage then you will at least know you did the right thing by telling her the truth. It's better to tell her now and get that out in the open than for her to find out down the line if you two did stay together. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-09 02:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal thought is that should you choose to say anything to your fiance then you should probably get iwth "dad" and both of you tell her. at which time you will probably have to explain it to "mom" too. On the other hand if you truly feel that its not likely to happen again then I see no reaon to rock the boat. Drunk or not you sucked the guy off. You had to have been at least curious and theres nothing wrong with that.Secretly EVERYONE is. Anyone that objects to that comment is a liar and a coward.
2006-08-09 02:20:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you found out that there is a skeleton in everyone closet! Do not deal with your fiance's father's sexuality, deal with your own. What the hell were you thinking? Curiosity is normal, what are you not telling us? If you prefer to swing both ways, then you have to tell your fiance. If this was just a one night stand, then forget it happened. Nothing like keeping it in the family! You may find out that daddy has some quirks and seduced you. If you want to confess, tell your priest. If dad says some thing, YOUR TOAST!
2006-08-09 03:41:29 · answer #5 · answered by Tuffiey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god! That will really mess things up! Can I ask you something? Have you ever had any identity crisis before? Even when you're still younger? I don't wana tell you this but I think you're still on your denial stage. Know yourself more. But if you really feel that you're not gay, it happened just because your drunk.. well, I think you should not marry her. Talk to her, tell her everything and be honest to her. She will be really hurt for sure, but its better than to keep it to yourself and be guilty for the rest of your marriage life.
2006-08-09 02:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by yummy _me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh boy. Well, I think telling your fiancee is pretty much just going to lead to the wedding not happening. I don't know that I'd ever be able to look my fiancee in the eye if he did something like that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse. Your best bet is probably to walk away from the relationship, in my opinion. If you're the kind of person who gets so drunk that he completely changes his sexual preference, you probably shouldn't be getting married.
2006-08-09 02:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by blerggghhh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break it off now. You might not have to tell her the truth, to save some embarrassment and scarring on her part, but it'll definitely not work out. You will always have this guilt over your head and what happens when you see her father again?!?
How the hell could this happen? Is this an excuse to get out of marriage? Let this be learned...DO NOT DO THIS EVER AGAIN!
2006-08-09 02:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, wish I had some words of wisdom, but all that is coming to mind is that is to pretend that it never happened. Chances are if you were that drunk, he's not going to remember much. And if he does....at least you now know he accepts you as part of the family. Oh, and some advice for the future....booze, nakedness, and your future father-in-law, should never be in the same sentence.
2006-08-09 02:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her! Just forget about it!
1. you were not in love with her dad. So you did not have an affair. You were drunk and got stupid.
2. Sometimes it is a matter of you having an itch and scratched it. Believe me, these things happen. It is very natural. Just watch the dogs and rabbits. When they are in heat, they don't care if it is a male or female, or, for my rabbit, if it is my leg or my cat! We like to put ourself way up higher than the rest of the world. True, we have destroyed the earth more than any living creature in the earth's history. We should be very proud. But, fundamentally, we are animals. Even though there are many things we can do and animals cannot, there are also many things animals can do and we cannot!
3. Yes, sex should be carried on with a moral responsibility. But sex is also the most organic thing that happens. It has a very strong drive, can be more powerful than our educations, our minds. That is just how we are built. It is necessary for our speces' survival. It can be suppressed, but it can also overtakes what is in its way. So dont' be too hard on yourself.
4. If you feel guity, blame it on the drinks. I hope you don't have a drinking problem; if you do, go to AA. If you don't, remember what it made you do, and don't get drunk again. Really, it is so bad for your health. You are a young man, needs to enjoy life; you don't want drinks impair your ability to enjoy life. So, tell yourself, you are going to remember this. Next time when you feel like getting drunk, let the image of you being naked with your future father-in-law come to mind and stop yourself.
5. There will be nothing good coming out of telling her. Yeah, you may feel more relieved-- truly, nobody likes to keep secrets all to himself. It is a burden. But what does she need that for? As long as your love for her has not changed because of this incident, if I were her, I would rather not to know! And I am a woman, I know. What you did when you were drunk is like having a nightmare. I don't always tell people what I dreamed. Like the other night, I dreamed that one of my very good friend who I had known for years kissing and making out with my teenage daughter. I was upset. But would I tell him about this? Of course not! I have to keep it to myself and tell nobody (except now the whole world knows.)
6. You have not married to her, so what you did is your personal history. Even if you had an affair with her dad, it is past. As long as you don't do it again after you marry her, she does not need to know. Professionals have said that sometimes it is not a good thing to dig each other's love history. I suggest you don't dig in your girlfriend's past-- who she slept with, ect. It is not meaningful. Past is passed, and let it go. You should look forward.
7. We all do stupid things once a while. Sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves and move on. Life is too short!
8. Next time when you see her dad, pretend you don't remember anything! I am sure he prefers that! Now, if he tries to come on you, that will be a different issue. If he wants to appologize, you can either pretend don't know what the heck he is talking about, or pull him aside and tells him you prefer forgetting about it as your judgement was impaired and it did not mean a d- thing to you!
9. It is your mistake and YOU deal with it! Don't drag her into this mess. Whenever you feel bad about it, tell yourself: I will not get drunk again!
I hope this helped.
2006-08-09 02:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by hongz0 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋