my husband told me get over it or leave what do you think??

Question

I am married and we have been having problems where i had caught him talking to women online and even went as far as him calling them and him having an emotional affair with one of them who live in another state cross country i do not think he ever met her he just called her daily and her him and email on a regular basis well that was not the first time i had caught him i had caught him like 3 other times chatting to women online or emailing them etc this time was the worse because of how far it went! anyway its very hard for me to getover it this time as i do not trust him at all anymore and find myself questioning his every move tonight when he got home from work we got into an argument because i asked him why he was late etc well i guess he says its getting old me always trying to ask him some kind of question and he started getting mad and threw things on the floor yell either i get over it or leave either way he will be happy any suggestions on what i should do??

i really am not sure what to do i feel as if i just let everything go that he would do this again as he has done it a couple of times before this time it got worse and i feel as if he is still doing it but has since then covered his tracks well so i will not find out its driving me crazy because i am having a hard time giving him my all in believing him i guess what they say is true once bitten twice shy!! we have been together almost 8 years and feel as if i have wasted my time if i just walked away from the relationship with out trying to do something but on the other hand i feel as if i am being taken for granted he is always on the internet and sometimes when i walk in i am almost sure that he change the pages really quickly but it could be also my mind playing tricks on me seeing of what i went through with him i think that i really have to make the decision of getting over it or leaving like he said and its hard i need help as to how to get past this anything will be helpfull tx.

by the way when we first started having problems i did set us up with a marriage consellor but we stop going as shift changes in work etc and we never went back it was not working as at the time he was still contacting the girl (and problay still is who knows!) and we do not have any children together .

someone told me to stay and finish my degree before i just up and leave him that it would be smarter if i just did not up and leave as then i would have to worry about where to go etc and it was best to have a plan before i leave and have my degree so i would have a good job and not be stuck i have invested almost 8 years in this relationship taking any old job as we moved because of his job (he is military) so i have not been able to further my career and now have just got back into school to work on my degree ( i am also working) so i was trying to hang in there to finish my degree and also not be stuck with just leaving and not have somewhere to go.

when we got into the argument after he threw the bag of groceries he had just bought in on to the floor he tried to get our dog to come over to him and the dog ran away and he got mad and went and got the dog and tried to force him to drink the stuff that had spill on the floor i felt bad for the dog as this is not the first time that he has taken suff out on the dog when he has been mad his temper seem to be getting worse with him throwing things forcefully and breaking stuff its crazy!

Answer 1

Honey, this man doesn't love you the way a husband should love his wife. He proves that every time he gets online or makes a phone call. You know the answer to your question, you just aren't strong enough to go through with it. You absolutely, without a doubt, deserve better. He is taking you for granted....deep down, he knows you'll never leave. That's why he doesn't stop. I feel like you are trying so hard in this relationship and getting nowhere. There has to come a point in time where enough is enough. You are better than this, you know this. And he shows no signs of quitting his little affairs, nor acknowledges how they are hurting you. You have to see that, know it and own it. Then ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life? As second best? It's going to hurt like hell, considering you've put 110% of your heart and soul into this, but a year from now when you are looking back, you are going to be glad it's behind you. Take your time and really think this through. Like I said, you already know what you should do....you just have to reach within yourself to find the strength to do it. You are a woman with feelings, hopes and dreams....go live them!

Answer 2

I feel for you...he's found your weakness and now your mind is playing games with your heart. I don't agree with the chatting with women because it could lead to just about anything but I would suggest you both have a good talk instead of an argument. No one is listening when a fight begins! If he says it's getting old, then i think you've given him more reason to keep finding other ways to find pleasure be it internet or anywhere else. Seek counselling for the two of you. You could turn things around if you gave him a reason to think twice. Let him think how good he's got it right there at home - spice up the marriage- go out - get away from the computer- feel young and live it..good luck!

Answer 3

HE IS NOT WORTHIT, Why is it that women let men treat them like that? I do not get it, how many more signs do you need and how long are you going to let him do this to you? It is mental abuse, and you deserve better, do some reasearch, you can do the same get on your computer and read, read a lot on what abuse can do to you, you don't need anything from a man like that, you don't need to even breath the same air that he does, do you have any self love and/or respect? You need to learn what that is, you really need to face reality and know that you don't have to take his abuse, You can do anything else, do plan ahead, and take action, he is basically telling you, he doesn't care any more, it got old, or he has fallen out of love, get an attorney, do you know the meaning of the word unfaithful, that's what he is, you can make it, I'd find any other means to survive, instead of being with someone like that, how can you let someone humilliate you in such a way, if I were you, I'd start cleaning up and packing, and looking for a place with a roommate, you do have a job anyhow, don't depend on someone who doesn't really want you any more, and believe me he will be disappointed when he finds out that woman isn't everything he thought would be, it happens most of the time, find things to do for yourself, ask your family and friends to help you during these difficult times, if you count on them, and move on, you feel you've wasted 8 years of your life, then don't keep on wasting any more time, do things that nourish the soul and spirit, find support from your church and if you don't have one join a congregation, it really makes a difference, you will find confort and peace, but I strongly suggest you create a plan for yourself, check out these websites, I just found they are awesome, I wish you the best and don't lose hope and courage and work on getting your self esteem back, you need it, you can make it!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! God bless.

Answer 4

First of all if someone tells you get over it or leave either way i will bee happy, that person is not worth it to go through that kinda of stress, but to understand one point Internet or online dating is most of the time an addiction, on the other hand, if it goes so far that he talks to them on the phone, who can bee sure that he wouldn't meet them...some people get addictive to that, cause they like the excitement, its a safe place, where they can say what they want without being worried about "how do i look?", or something like that, and actual real relationship we get confronted with stress, problems and we have to compromise...
not sure if i could help you, but the best thing for now is to communicate and find out why he is doing it..

Answer 5

Well sounds to me that he is already looking for some thing else, dont get me wrong both myself and my hubby chat with people on line. But we also know that its just a comp screen. We follow the same rules we set for the kids
1 No real names!!
2 No personal information
3 No discussion of intamate matters
I would have a hard time if I found out that my hubby was doing that, I think you have the right to be worried, and if he doesnt care enough about your happiness to stop you are better off leaving. But is a hard choice to make stay and condone it and hope for the best or leave and move on to some thing or some one who will care about your feelings. I wish you the best in what ever choice you make.

Answer 6

I don't see any sense in beating around the bush, so I'll be blunt. Get a good divorce attorney, get your finances in order, if you share an account withdraw your share, gather your things, and find a place you can stay if possible. If he cares at all this will scare the crap out of him and he will come crawling back to you. If he doesn't, (and don't expect him to) take it as a positive sign, leave him altogether, move on with your life and thank your lucky stars this happened before it ever got any worse.

Answer 7

personally because he threw things, that means the relationship is starting to get physically abusive and i would leave now before it gets worse. as far as your degree and stuff do you have any friends or family you could stay with in the area until you finish? if not i would look towards heading home to family and seeing if there is a way you can transfer your degree program back home.I fnot and you dont want to lose the opportunity of bettering yourself i would get my own place and geta order of protection against him so he cant bother you

Answer 8

hi there you are living with a ticking time bomb sweetheart he might not be up to anything but to start throwing stuff around thats really getting serious you watch youreself ive lived with someone -a x husband and thats what he did throw stuff and one day it hit me dont let it go that far startmaking plans to live youre life with out this guy ,you dont need this and you really dont need this ,it will probably take you a while to get over this but i promise you ,you will find some one that will love and look after you and if they do go on the inter net it wont be to chat up some other poor girl good luck with youre future and take care of youre selfx

Answer 9

You must be hurting. He told you that he doesn't care how you think the marriage should work and that he doesn't care how you feel or if you hurt.

You could try to work it out with a marriage counselor and if you have children, you probably should.

If not, move on. Find someone who loves and respects you. You deserve it.

Answer 10

He's an a$$hole, I would leave. It is obvious other women are more important. Let some other woman have him. If you have kids, all this is doing them no good either. They may know more than you think. Good Luck to you.