Should I buy my daughter groceries or let her tough it out?

Question

My 18 yr old graduated from high school in May and just vanished one day. She finally came home while I was at work and left me a note saying she was moving in with a boyfriend. He is 25 yrs old, still married with a 2 yr old and I just think it is wrong. She wants me to take her to the store and buy her groceries. I told her she needed to get her rear home and get a job. I didn't refuse, I just didnt say yes. Would you buy the groceries? How would you handle this?

She was offered the opportunity to buy a car and go to college this fall, but just blew it all off. She used to be petite and pretty and now she looks worn out and her clothes look like crap. She was so angry at me when I left she slammed the door and was screaming at me, so I left. Hurts, big time.

Answer 1

No. ..
She disappears one day, only to show back up saying shes gonna live with a married guy? I don't think so. She wants your help? the best help you can give her is to help her get her head out of her ***. (, I don't mean to be disrespectful ) Tell her to take a good look at the way this guy acting. Let's say, God forbid, that he marries the her. How long will they be together before he's off with some other young hot thing leaving her with 3 kids. There's only one thing a 25 year old guy wants from an 18 year old girl, and it ain't to have a relationship and listen to her and respect her.
I know that's your Baby, but she may have to learn this one hard. If she's gonna be with this guy, What's he doing to feed the two of them? What is his stake in the relationship? What is he willing to do for her even. I'm not saying let him ruin her life... I'm thinking that a reality check will come before long. I'm sure she's got a good head on her shoulders..... she's just naive.
A kid is gonna do what they want.. regardless to what you want them to do. Just hope that she holds on to some of the good qualities you tried to teach her along the way.
Good luck.

Answer 2

If she has never done groceries before, you might take her just to show her the ropes, one time and then let her be, but I'm pretty sure she has gone grocery shopping with you at some point and she probably knows how it works. If she's asking you to pay for groceries I'd say NO WAY!!! Tell her that if she's old enough to move in with her boyfriend and she thinks she's an adult then she should act like one. Tell her to ask her boyfriend to drive her to the groceries and such, they are a couple now and should do things together. But if she's just trying to be your friend and wants to go with you to do grocery shopping together as "friends" or as "mom and daughter" then do it, I mean you want to keep your relationship strong so she will feel that she trusts you and she will come to you whenever she realizes that this man is wrong for her. But don't pay for the groceries yourself, tell her that if she's living with him now, then he's the one responsible for her if she doesn't have a job. Tell her that you are only responsible for her as long as she lives under your roof. Good luck

Answer 3

Well that would depend on how long she vanished, what the circumstances are, and did she keep in touch while she was gone. Based on what you wrote, I think you did the right thing. If she wants to play house, there are certain responsibilities that go along with that...one of them is feeding her new family. If her circumstances for being out of work are beyond her control (health, accident, etc), then it might be okay to help out a little, otherwise, stick to your guns mom. She's out of school, she's going through this indenpendent/rebellious stage and she's gonna grow out of it. I would invite her over (without the new man and the baby) to discuss with her the plans she's made and get some insight as to what is going on in her life. Once they are of age, it's very rarely they are going to do what we want them too. But we still have the power of persuasion, manipulation, and let's not forget that guilt is a wonderful thing for moms too. Just please keep in mind, that you had an open enough relationship for her to come to you for help....try not to close that door. Kids at this age need to fall down a few times before they quit tripping over that same crack in the sidewalk and learn to walk around it.

Answer 4

Buy groceries just this once, and make her know that this is the last time. But, there is one condition - tell her she has to go out to have coffee / icecream / whatever afterwards. Let her know your home is always open to her if she needs to move out when she decides being a step parent is too much. Tell her you support her, and she can call you or visit anytime, but you can't bail her out of consequences such as No job = No food. She's young, and has a lot of mistakes ahead of her if she doesn't be careful.

Answer 5

She is old enough to live with a 25 year old with a baby then she is old enough to buy her own groceries. Let her tough it out. Then she will realize and come home. Or she might just hate you and move away. Kinda a 50/50 chance it could work the way you want it to.

Answer 6

Consistency is key. You love and respect your daughter, you wish her well but at the same token seem to be respecting her 18yr old piss poor decisions. I respect your not dragging her sorry *** out of that house and back to the home. She will learn a valuable lesson from this, or, screw up her life which is rightfully hers. Do the best you can by loving and respecting her decisions. However what she is asking, be it, reasonable or not, goes against your wishes. Convince her she has your support, love and respect but under no circumstances will you support or condone the situations he has put herself in and that by purchasing groceries you would be aiding a situation in which you are not in any way fond of. Where does she see herself in the future? Set an example, may your actions and behavior be consistent in what you say.

Answer 7

You're even offering her a place to come back home to. NO! Do not buy her groceries. She's chosen to live with a married man. Why isn't he being a man and supporting her and feeding her? Tell her she can eat all she wants if she comes back home and gets on her feet. It's wonderful of you to give her that option in the first place.

Answer 8

That just depends on your daughter. Is she the type to learn from her mistakes and bad experiences? Will toughing it out teach her something? Or will a loving gesture from her mother be just what she needs? Sadly, highschool does a lousy job of preparing kids for the real world these days. She may fall flat on her butt several times and have to learn a lot of hard lessons. Its important that you do what is right for your daughter. Judging and lecturing her will only drive her farther away. The important thing is that she knows you will always be there for her and love her no matter what. Whatever you choose to do, make it clear to her that it comes from a loving place.

Answer 9

MOM be STRONG. I can say that this situation happened to me when i was about your daughters age and my mother refused, and i got a clue. It is hard, I am a mother currently and i know that you want to help your children when they are in need, this is a life lesson for her. Not because she has a married boyfriend with a child but because it is part of growing up and learning to be self suffencent. Ever hear the phrase "give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, teach him how to fish and he'll eat for life." This is a great opportunity for her to learn how to fish. Good luck.

Answer 10

as her mother it is your job to make sure she is safe and healthy so yes i would buy the groceries but would stipulate that this is the one and only time you are going to do itand tell her she needs to find a job if she is going to live with the boyfriend and tell her to tell her boyfriend to get a job as well and explain that you cannot afford to support both households all the time. let her know though that if it is an emergency after she gets a job that you will do your best to be there to help her