I am divorced and I am affraid to fall in love again....?

Question

I am 35 years old no kids....but I am scared to fall in love again...I get nervous everytime someone wants to talk to me ....and it's because I am still hurt i guess.....My question is What should I do ?

Answer 1

Trust me, it takes time to get over the hurt; no matter what the situation, coming from a stable marriage, and back into the real world is scary....I just divorced in April after 10 long years and 2 kids....just try to be yourself, and don't rush into anything, there's plenty of time to find the right person....the scars will always be there, but don't give up on love; u never know what might be out there waiting!!! G-luck.........

Answer 2

You afraid to fall in love and you DON'T want to fall in love is two different things. The former mean you are making an constant effort not to. This is take a toll on you because you know will fall in love but yet you are afraid. You sounded paranoid even when some one talks to you. I will say take it a step at a time. There many men out there and someone make it different for you. Whenever a guy talks to you, just treat him like a friend, he might just want to be a friend and does it. If he is a nice guy and you think things could work then maybe consider a relationshp with him.

Unless you said, you will NOT fall in love again. That is a decision and it will not affect your emotions. To avoid and being decisive affects you differently.

Answer 3

You will know when you are ready. There is no rush. Divorce is a painful thing to go through and their is an actual grieving process involved in healing. Take your time. Be completely honest with the people who ask you out. You don't want to lead them on when you are not ready for a serious or even a dating relationship. It is scary, and when you start dating again, you probably won't enjoy it much. Be careful. You will be suprised when all these feelings will just come back to you. Find other things to occupy your time. Find out who you are, be at peace with your self first. You can give when your buckets are empty. Be kind to yourself. Let your self heal. Spend time with those you love and trust, good friends and family who love you. And one day when you least expect it, you will know. Don't settle, be choosey, and take a chance...baby steps at first. You will find love again, and you know what...everyone says it's better the second time around. Good luck!!

Answer 4

You have failed to give the details of the divorce (a very sad event), which is important for being able to answer.

The only valid reason to get a divorce is if your spouse was unfaithful. If that's the case, then he broke the marriage vows and you could find someone else if you choose. Depending upon the circumstances, you would be best advised to reconcile if possible and if the man isn't a total write-off. Marriages are really supposed to be for life and there is usually a BOND that exists for life unless one person is a complete betrayer.

Your question was somewhat lighthearted, but I have given you a heavy answer.

Answer 5

You didn't mention how long you've been divorced. You need to make sure that you've had adequate time to grieve over the loss of your spouse. Divorce can be as painful as the death of a loved one. Wait until you can face the world with full confidence, so you've had time for the wounds to heal and you know exactly who YOU are. There's no timetable for when you'll be ready to date or find a new love. It happened to me when I gave up altogether!

Answer 6

I was married for 13 years to a creep and then he ran off with my best friend. You will get over it, and move on. I just met the man of my dreams and the only way that you can look at it is that the first one was just practice, and this one is for keeps... Good Luck,a nd don't be afraid, it is better the second time around

Answer 7

The fact remains is MARRIAGE IS WHAT IT IS UNTIL DEATH. No don't get remarry to anyone because it is going into an adultery relationship . It is alright to have freinds but remember your vows you took before God . God takes vows very seriously so we should too. A vow is a vow. God is NOT a God of compromise. ONCE married , ALWAYS married until death ...... it is what it is. I know where you are coming from ....... I'm divorced but with children ............ it is so better to be pure in your heart and don't compromise the morals & values God gave all of us to have . THERE IS NO PILLOW SO SOFT AS A CLEAR CONSCIENCE !!!

Answer 8

Take it one day at a time. It's one of those things that just takes time to get over. Start slow...Just become friends with a lady and see where it goes. There are still some good women out there......good luck!

Answer 9

Try not to judge everybody by what has happened to you with your marriage. Look at yourself first - do you feel good about yourself. Maybe spend time getting to really know yourself. Just let things happen. Always have a smile but dont go looking - let things happen. If you have a good attitide, a good view on life you will automatically attract others.

Answer 10

Okay, first off, I'm 29 and just went through a break-up myself. But I know that people always say that time heals. That's a load of crock. Think about it, Are you completelely over that time your grandmother died. Its the same with a break-up, on either side of the scale. You always think about the "what if I had done this or that..." What if I had stayed with my first boyfriend or kissed that cute guy instead of the jerk I ended up with. That's the cold hard truth. Its part of life, and is part of the learning and growing process. Just as Death is part of life, so are break-ups. You can't ever get over someone 110 percent. But you can learn to release them, as I am doing now. Its a hard painful struggle. Just as you had to learn when someone close to you died, to move on with your life, you have to learn the same thing applies here, only the person you were with is alive, but you have to let them live their own life. And that's all I have to say. There are books and websites that help you deal with this, but the fact is, you'll deal with it eventually anyway. It might take two three months, or maybe just a few days, who knows? But in time, the emotions will just leap out, and then you'll be frantic, and probably do everything you can to try to win their heart, and only push them further away, until you realize that you pushed them away, and what you were doing didn't work. And all of that sappy stuff that people do when they go through break-ups. At first I used to be the one to do the breaking up, and I couldn't understand why my first ex-girlfriend kept writing me, even after a year of ignoring her. But then when I got dumped for the first time in my life, I fell prey to the same thing, and then I was like, woah, I'm making a mistake. You have to learn to let it all go. And letting it go, doesn't mean forgetting about it, it only means thinking about the relationship in a different more enlightening way. Even if I tell you this, it won't matter, until you eventually come to realize it on your own. It was hard for me to understand, but TIME is the key, especially for women. I never understood that until now. Women have such a keen sense of time, that men just don't care about. Ever wondered why some men can't remember anniverseries, it's not because we don't care or value you, its because to us, being around you NOW is more important than the date we met you, but to you, NOW and THEN have a connection that most (if not all) men will never fully appreciate. You'll remember what that loser ex of yours was wearing at your brother's wedding. Most men, don't place imprtance on things like that, or have any connection like that. I began to understand this women's connection to time just a little while ago. It makes sense, because biologically you have a connection with time. And this also persuades your emotions and your intuition. Now, NO GUY has intuition. Some guys have better luck at faking intuition or learning from women how to act around them, but there is no guy out there who will ever have intuition. But women are NURTURERS by nature, and thus have the capability to just KNOW when things need changed, even if the guy doesn't sense it. So keep your head up, and allow yourself time to grieve, and maybe you'll find someone new, maybe you'll take your old lover back (and if you do, tell me what you did, because I'm dying to know), or maybe you'll learn to enjoy being single. Life is about choices, and sometimes some of those choices are tough, but they have got to be made one way or the other.