I love my wife dearly however she says I do not show her the affection she needs. She tells me I am a great Father and Husband but I need to be a friend and more romantic. This all sprung up one day and I had no idea it was coming. She says she will not change her mind but I really want to work through this and save my marriage. Yet I do not want to come across as a little whiney punk. She means everything to me and if I had known this was coming I would not have let it get this far. Any ideas?
2006-08-08 17:12:52 · 21 answers · asked by rushin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did not mention that even though she said it was over she then said she would think about it. So how do I know when to start trying to show her I can be more affection. Hell, this morning she wouldn't even let me kiss her. I think I screwed.
2006-08-08 17:43:20 · update #1
am screwed.
2006-08-08 17:44:11 · update #2
What matters is that you two see a marriage/relationship counselor and work out a way to make both of you happy.
In the meantime, plan some dates with her. Takke her to dinner, dancing, perhaps a night in hotel.
Draw her a bath with oil or salts as she likes. Sit and chat with her as she settles in. Then hand her a glass of wine and let soak alone. Or, if she wants, climb in with her and wash each other. Shave her legs if she'll let you. (It's very intimate.)
Remind her from time to time that you love her, that you are glad she chose you, and that you are glad that you chose her. Thank her for having your babies. (It ain't easy.)
This stuff is not whining. It just what you need to do to maintain the marriage. The marriage is the basis of your family and the cradle of your children. You owe it to them and to each other to keep that cradle in good shape.
2006-08-08 17:28:44 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Women crave attention and need constant validation that our men still find us attractive. I've been married 8 years to a great guy, and he's just now figured out how important it is for me to feel pampered on our anniversary and my birthday. He was a never a man who was much into any holiday, so he didn't buy gifts. It hurt for years until I finally just laid it out and said THIS IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU.
When you walk by her at home, touch her ... doesn't always have to be sexual. Smile and make eye contact over dinner. Take her on a date when she least expects it, and pay total attention to her the entire time. You don't have to crawl - this doesn't usually work, anyway.
If she really means everything to you, step away from your computer, wake her up if she's asleep, hold her close, and tell her "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me", and begin the process of working on your relationship. Great marriages take work and communication to make it through the long haul.
2006-08-08 17:22:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she would go to a marriage counselor before she gives up,also try writing down your true feelings and send it with a dozen roses,Take her out for dinner in a expensive place,try dancing and don't mention Divorce just let love roll.call from work to see how she is doing and ask if she would like to do something special tonight,it doesn't have to be Friday eather.send love e-greetings do all you can,you may say you can't afford it but the price of a divorce is a financial nightmare.Show her attention every way you can.If this doesn't work there's no hope,she just wants free for some reason.good luck.
2006-08-09 04:06:34 · answer #3 · answered by freshstart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear about the situation your going through must be hard cause it sounds like you love her more then anything....it bothers me that she can say your a great husband and father....yet she is not giving you a chance to show her that you can be the man she wants you to be...it sound fishy to me sorry i dont want to assume the worst i dont know you or your wife..but that's just odd she loves you but wont let you show her you can change....i think you two need to sit and talk things through and make sure there is nothing else making her think this way.....maybe take a mini vacation always helps my wife and i to do this....we have never talked about divorce and she never really complains that im not being the man she wants..but i know if i didn't take the time to consider her and make time for just us romantic time we probably would have these problems i hope everything works out man..take care
2006-08-08 17:22:08 · answer #4 · answered by sgtrlopez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I really mean this: subjugate yourself completely. What I mean is, she will be right, you will be wrong on everything. Start thinking now of things to do that are romantic, but put your own personal spin on them. Don't whine about anything, just start acting without discussion and empty promises. LISTEN to what she says, but don't always offer a solution. Men want to solve problems, women want to talk and console. It's a pretty general fact, but it is accurate. Do stuff around the house. Play with the kids and have a good time in front of her. Include her in your play. You do these things, and you may have a chance.
2006-08-08 17:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be to late but if not be a man through the situation and give her her space but not to much space because the other guy she is seeing might just steal her from you for good! take her out on romantic dates that you have never took her on treat her as good as you do the other woman you are seeing, take her to the exectuive spas, or some sort of sexual date it will put the spark back into your marriage buy her some sexy out fit for playtime and do her good every now and then or someone else will
2006-08-08 17:32:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a really great guy; I do not know why she would want to leave you. Anyways why don't you just tell her what you have said here. You know the areas she has said she feels neglected. So stop neglecting her in those areas; just give her the attention she ask for. Let her know how much she means to you and let her know you do not want to get a divorce.
2006-08-08 17:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well some women just need lotts of attention,but if she loves you and you love her then i will work out, if not she's just making an excuse to get out, i have been with my husband for 7 years, and we have fault about everything but we made it through, you will if you love one another.each one has to adjust you have to bend and give some things you may not want to but you do, cause you no that if you doin't it can cost ya.my husband no his limits and i no mine and we don't cross cause then there's a fight.? how long have you been married?sit her down and ask her just what is it that your not doing right, and while in the confersation tell her what you doin't like. it's not all about her it's the both of you. when you marry you become as 1.
2006-08-08 17:27:50 · answer #8 · answered by bridget j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being a friend and romantic to your wife is not making you a whiney punk, but then again, go through a divorce and see how much you will whine cause you messed up.
its not like she is asking for so much so whats the problem with giving her what she wants
2006-08-08 17:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run to the book store and get the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is an eye opener! Read it and ask her to read it and then discuss what you have learned! Maybe you are showing her you love her in the wrong language!
Good Luck!
2006-08-08 17:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by B W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋