Temporary separations?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 2 years now. We've been having some problems and went to our Pastor for some guidance. He recommended a temporary separation. Living apart but still being together. My boyfriend went and got another place thinking some time apart might do us some good since we are together most of the day everyday. I'm crushed. I feel as though he's backing out in his commitment to me. I wanted to move forward and I see this as a step backward. I do see ways that this could help us, but I just feel like he's walking out on me. More than anything I'm scared he'll decide that he doesn't want to be with me or that he'll find someone else. I love him more than anything and I just can't picture my life without him. Has anyone else tried this? How did it work? Anyone have any ideas? Anything at all would be helpful.

Answer 1

It sounds as if the honeymoon is over honey. It happens in every relationship. Where the cute traits they had become annoying habits...the odd little quirks you once adored, now have you pulling your hair out. The seperation thing is a test. And it's a test you are failing big time, I might add. The only reason I say this, is because your letter screams insecurity. That alone, is enough to drive away any man. I understand that you love and adore him. Married 17 years, I feel the same about my husband...BUT, I know that I can live without him. I am still me, my existance doesn't revolve around our relationship entirely. Neither should yours. Your fears of him walking out on you or taking a step back in the relationship sort of hint that you are so wrapped up in him that you've lost your identity. The identity that he first fell in love with. This seperation is suppose to be a positive thing. One, where you each have a chance to regroup, stop smothering each other, and get back to basics. If done right, this will reinforce the relationship while it gives you each some breathing room to remain individuals. You can't do that if you are constantly together. And I know that you are probably thinking moving forward, marriage and becoming one. I get that, it's just that when you take that step to marriage to join as one, it's more like joining into one team. Where the players use each of their own strengths to compliment and help each other. You can't do that if you are one in the same. So call up your some of your girlfriends, enjoy some of the "me" time and look forward to actually dating your boyfriend again. Stay positive and the outcome will be positive, but if you just continue to focus on the negative, you are going to get an outcome you don't want.

Answer 2

Listen it may work, people have been known for absence making the heart grow fonder. But the important thing is it sounds like you've lost your sense of self. let me guess you don't remember the things you liked before he was in the picture? Have you had time to enjoy just being you, not you with him? If this breaks you two up it will not end the world forever cause even if your heart breaks the sun will still rise tomarrow, and you will keep breathing. So use this time to really evaluate what you want out of life. Everything happens for a reason!!!! The Best Of Luck!!!!

Answer 3

hey there, trust me i know exactly how you feel. after 3 yrs of marraige me and my husband went through a rough phase too and i felt that sepeartion is a good solution. when you have ur partner around it just doesnt let you think on ur own, or even analyse what u feel as the visual and physical sence over power you. when you are by urself; each and evrything reminds you of ur partner or in extrem case could make you realise how better you are without ur partner. distance could either make ur heart grow fonder or wander. but either way it brings out the true colours in each other. its better to realise the thruth than to cling on to false hopes. let urself go... what ever happens will be for the best. if u are ment to be apart then even that will be good... dont worry... give it a go. trust in ur love, if it is ment to be with u he will come back.....:)

Answer 4

I am not trying to be mean but in my experience, if a man is devoted to you , he would have asked you to marry him by now. Guys usually don't beat around the bush. This is a good opportunity to see if he really loved you or was just waiting untill someone better came along. If he decides that he wants to break up, I know that it will hurt, but you do deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them. But then again, maybe he will pull his head out of his rear and decide to step up and commit. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 5

Absents (sp) makes the heart grow fonder. You dont know what you have till its gone. If you love something, let it go and if it comes back its ment to be. Those are very well known sayings but are very true. Just be patient and things will work the way the Lord wants them too.
Good luck and stay positive.

Answer 6

yea iam in the same boat only i am getting totally out of her life as this is what she wants we spent time with our pastor as well studying song of solomon but she said im a racist/prejudiced its a seed satan planted in her mind there is noooooooo truth to it so if she feels this way she can go her way tho i still love brenda & all that im not going to put up with living/dating/commiting myself to her when she is negative & wont listen to me or the pastor

Answer 7

take the time by yourself as a gift think about it nobody to clean up after or nobody to worry about,injoy it now cause you will be back to living togher,if he didnt love you he would of never went to a pastor for help.

Answer 8

I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY GONE THROUGH THAT KINDA EXPERIENCE BUT I THINK THAT U SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY AND U WILL HAVE TO TRUST UR GUY ONTHIS BECOZ IF U DONT THEN IT SHOWS that u dont really love him.just give urselves time and try 2 see where u r both going wrong then mend it.but trust him on this unless signs show up showing suspicion..!

Answer 9

Frankly Speaking, temporary Seperation is very STUPID. What do you want to prove? it will only makes things worse....