Opinions on this?

Question

My ex husband keeps telling me how he regrets marrying this woman, and that he hates her kids. He feels like "he's just playing house" with her, it feels odd to him to be away from his own kids, yet he has hers all the time. He says he still loves me and misses our kids so much he goes around with an upset stomach. He wants to come back to his own family again.

I'm sitting here struggling to raise 2 kids as a single mom, babysitter problems, and the kids always say how they want him back. I'm drowning here. Problem is he was abusive to me and cheated on me. Should I take the chance in trying to get together again? It's been 5 years.

Answer 1

Do not take him back.

It is tough being alone, on your own and struggling to take care of the kids by yourself.
Think what it took for you to first leave the relationship, and to then go through the painful process of getting a divorce.

Could you do it again?
Would you WANT to do it again, in the event he becomes abusive and cheats on you again?

After this much time has passed, it's doubtful that you could ever feel the same towards him, and to do it again just for the kids is really not a good enough reason. Think carefully.
As bad as things may seem to you at times, they could become a whole lot worse if you were to get back together again.

Why tempt fate by jumping from the frying pan into the fire?

Whatever your decision may be...good luck~*

Answer 2

So the grass isn't greener on the other side? How interesting! Now he realizes what he is missing and wants to come back.

1) Abusive? Verbally? Physically? Don't accept him back until you have dealt with that issue. Get counseling before you let him come back to see what you both need to work on the make things better this time.

2) Was he abusive to the kids? If so, don't let him come back no matter what promises he makes!

3) Cheating? How many times? How many women? Do you want to go through that again? Do not let him come back without dealing with this issue through counseling.

If he really wants to come back he will agree to the counseling. If he doesn't agree then don't let him come back.

Answer 3

It looks like he thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, has found out it's not so cool.
He has made his bed so to speak.. so let him lie in it. It's a mess he has made for himself... You just maybe his easy way out. I know it is hard to be a single parent but I assure you there are agencies out there that will work with you, assist you in ways you have not imagined. Don't take him back because you feel he can add security
in your lives, especially if he is abusive. Your children see this and think it's normal and it isn't. Do you want their lives to turn out the same because this is there normal, they know no other way. This is your decision alone, think hard, put your kids first, then go from there. I wish you the best...I really do..

Answer 4

I would honestly have to say that once an abuser, always an abuser. I was with my ex-husband for little over a year, and in that short of a time, I found out what he** really was. Needless to say, I found a way out even though I was pregnant with my first child. I still have not collected any support (he won't pay); however I am now remarried to a wonderful man who accepts all of our children.
The cheating part, well, that's up to you. It sounds like he has gotten himself into a situation that he dislikes, and you are a convienent escape route.
It is entirely up to you, but if it was me, I would tell him to take a long, long walk off of a short cliff. Good luck.

Answer 5

What caught my attention is you saying "struggling to raise 2 kids as a single mom....." If he cares so much about you and them then why is that true? That ALONE tells me to say to you "NO WAY".
And of course there are other key words you used like ABUSIVE and CHEATED. Just what makes you think anything will be any different? Because he says so? And finally, didn't you say he's married to someone else?

Answer 6

I don't think it's a good idea for you to get back together with a guy who not only cheated on you ( that's a pretty big deal on it's own) but also abused you. And it wouldn't be right to bring him back into the kids lives, when he'll most likely be leaving again whenever he cheats on you again or beats you up.

Answer 7

People change, and if you know anything of his relationship now, that should tell you something. As long as you don't think he is using you as an excuse to get away, and that he'll start cheating and being abusive again.

I would proceed with caution and never give up the freedom that you have had not having a man in your life. Meaning, you have found yourself, I am sure......don't let him take that away from you!

Answer 8

I think people can feel free to have the opinion that they want. They should be able to express there opinion, and those who listen (which should be lots of people) should have an open mind, and maybe change there opinion. Some opinions may not turn into anything, but it doesnt mean there worthless. Even if nobody treasures your opinion, you should. Its what makes you who you are.

Answer 9

I would suggest to look back and write down all the bad stuff that happen in the past, write down the good memories, what ever outweights the most go with that. If you love him, and want him back that is another story, if you are only getting back together for the sake of the kids, I would suggest to stay alone than being miserable. Best of luck!

Answer 10

Well do you think he has changed? If so I would give him another chance. But you have to have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that touching you in a manor of anger will NOT and stress NOT be tolerated. Tell him also to think of the kids. If he thinks he can control his anger then you will take him back BUT only if he takes anger counseling. And NOT until then. Wait for him to finish the classes and then and only then will you take him back. But you need to talk to him face to face so you can see the reaction on his face. To see if he is sincere about getting back and starting over. Good luck.