How good in terms of songwritting and comedy is this song that I wrote?

Question

It's a satire of "American Pie" by Don McLean. There's a lot of words to it so wait a bit for "additional details". I call it "American Fry", copyright pending.

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that Kiddie Meal used to make me smile
And I knew that if I had a bite
That I could make those people right
And maybe they’d be fatter for a while

But swimming practice made me slimmer
Even with every gram the food delivered
Bad news on the market
So big my car just couldn’t park it

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about nutrition lies
But something touched me deep inside
The day, the fattening, died

They started singing, (chorus, slow) fry, fry, its American fry
Drove my Chevy to the Wendy’s but the Wendy’s was dry
And them good old boys were drinking cola and Sprite
Singing this will be the day that I die,
This will be the day that I die

Did you cook the first Big Mac?
And did you ever have a heart attack?
If the theme song tells you so?
Now do you believe in obesity?
Can PE save our country?
And can you teach me how to eat real fast?

Well I know that you’re in love with him
He might not be so tiny thin
You both ate your hearts out
Oh he wished those fries would run about!

I was a lonely teenage lazy ape
With a heavy heart and a widening gape
But I knew I was out of shape
The day the fattening died

I started singin’ (chorus, upbeat)
Now for 10 years we’ve been on our own
As we grow fat on a futon couch
But that’s just how is used to be
When Ronald sang for you and me
With a cake that was made for 23
In a hunger that came from you and me

And while the CEO was looking down
With the kids crowded around the marketing clown
The whole damn jury was hung
Over the lunch the defense had brung

And while PETA filed corporate suit
The cashier wore those high-strung boots
As we gawked over all the free loot
The day the fattening died

We were singin’ (chorus, slow)

A McFlurie feels good in a summer swelter
Since the PlayPlace was the perfect shelter
So great of a thing for all of thee
At least they would burn some calories
Then they went on home and played a video game
They said “Gym sure seems to be pretty lame”

Now the halftime part never came
Cause there were no kids to play the game
The cheerleaders were different
They were all choked into size 2 outfits
The game was played at the Mc-e-D’s
Were the kids all had an eating spree
To fill the storage tank in he
The day the music died


We started singin’ (chorus, regular)

Oh, and there were all in one place
A generation lost in frosting paste
With no time left to eat again
So come on Jack be slower, Jack, have jinn
Cause Jack Flash sat on a wuppie cushion
Because trans fat is the children’s only friend

Oh as I watched him in the operation
My mind racing with anticipation
No person born on Earth
Could clinch that Devil’s hearth

As the flames climbed high above the grill
To light the massive foot-long bill
I saw him laughing on the hill
The day the fattening died

He was singin’ (chorus, slow)

I met a girl from Marlin Hues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the Burger King
Where I’d had a Whopper years before
But the man there said the grill wouldn’t stay a-flame

And in the streets the fat one screamed
The addicts cried and the activists dreamed
But not a fry was eaten
The resources all were beaten

And there the three chains I admired most
The pasta, sugar, and the holy toast
They caught the last train for the roast
The day, the fattening, died.

They were singing (slow, only lyrics)
Fry, fry, its American Fry
Drove my Chevy to the Wendy’s but the Wendy’s was dry
And those good old boys were drinkin’ cola and Sprite
Singing this will be the day that I die,
This will be the day that I die

(with other singers, close on line “singing”)
Fry, fry it’s American fry
Drove my Chevy to the Wendy’s but the Wendy’s was dry
And those good old boys were drinkin’ cola and Sprite
Singing this will be the day that I die.

Answer 1

makes me wanna boycott mcd's, kfc and burger king. ahahaha!! very good. you would make wierd al yankovic proud.

Answer 2

that totally has to be the longest song i've ever read. it's pretty cool. some of the lines don't make sense though and sorta stick out. good job. you could totally start a revolution.

Answer 3

The parts I read were good its too long though