Why won't my husband contact his mistress?

Question

My husband finally left his mistress after a year and a half of going back and forth between us. When he came home, I told him to call his mistress and let her know that things were over between them. He tried to call, but she wasn't home and he didn't leave a message.

She has called numerous times saying that she misses him, and she sent an email that said "tell me what to do with your clothes, thanks." He didn't respond, and has not tried to call her. I wonder why though. He says he doesn't want to talk to her, but he never told her it is over. What's the deal?

Answer 1

If you really love your husband, give him the benefit of the doubt. The mere fact that he lives with you now is a manifestation that he prefers you over that woman because if he does not, he may as well live with her. Perhaps, he saw in her some things that he didn't like and that made him realize that he should try to go back to your arms and pick up the pieces between you once more with the hope that your marriage may work, if only both of you would try.

Just put your trust in what he says. If he says that it is over between him and that other woman, believe him. Whatever his reason for not returning her calls or sending her an e-mail message after all those calls and messages she sent him should be respected by you. Whatever other people close to your heart say about the non-chalant attitude of your husband towards his ex-other woman should not affect you a bit.

Do what you heart dictates. If you want him, show him that despite what he did before against your marriage, you are willing to give your relationship another try. Show him that you trust him and be a more loving, understanding and caring wife than what you were before.

The only thing that you should consider in making the decision of asking him to leave you again is when you find out that he is really still seeing or having an affair with that woman. In that case, it is true that he is playing with your marriage and you'd better let him go then because you don't deserve him at all.

Answer 2

Is that a necessary for him to call his mistress? You are just creating another reconcile opportunity for him to go back to her. Since your husband already chosen you over her and came back to you, why make another fuss?

Yes, I know you will never forget how your husband cheated on you for a year and you probably had buried deep down in your heart, but what can you do? Just carry on your life with him and you can either treat him normal or cold shoulder if is necessary which you are silently punishing him.

His mistress is thinking all sorts of ways to win him back and that is why she calls him numerous and sent an email simply with an issue of "tell me what to do with your clothes". This is the great weapon to soften man's heart and be thankful your husband does not respond to her.

Lady, its over between them and your husband might have waken up and would really want to spend his rest of life only with you. Therefore, please live happily with him ever after.

Answer 3

My guess is that it's partly guilt, and partly a desire to avoid temptation.

Since I would imagine he knows her a lot better than you do, he may know that she can be very persuasive. He may not want to contact her because he prefers not to get into the "Why we are breaking up" discussion.

Since she has sent him an email, I would imagine that he could just as easily send her a return email telling her what to do with his things, but he may feel that it's best for him not to have any contact with her at all. I am sure, since she was the "other woman" that she knows that the rules are a little different than they are in a normal relationship. If I were in her position, I wouldn't even try talking to him, I would just box his stuff up and ship it to him. Maybe he knows she wants to talk to him because she keeps contacting him, and he just doesn't want to go the rounds with her about it.

I would say don't worry about it. If she keeps calling, take it upon yourself to just tell her to keep his things, or ship them, or whatever, and don't let yourself be dragged into any other type of discussion. And be glad that your husband came clean, and is trying to stay away from her.

Answer 4

I'm not sure but I would insist that he spoke to her when she calls again. ANd I would stand right there to hear what he says just to see if he tells her it is over. I think if it is over he needs to tell her in your presence. I don't like the fact that she has the nerve to keep calling and emailing. Something isn't right. Maybe I am wrong but if she keeps calling and he don't want to talk to her tell her you are calling the police and having her arrested for harrassment. You have been through enough by his going back and forth and it is not right for you to have to live with her calling all the time put your foot down and make it stop. Call you Magistrate and have him or her send a letter to her to stop.. Good Luck I sure hope everything turns out the way you want it too!!!

Answer 5

For some reason he doesn't want to face her. Maybe he made a lot of promises to her about the future and will not be fulfilling them.

You have made a decision to stay with him. Will you be able to trust him again? How will you react when he goes somewhere alone for a few hours? Are you sure this is the best thing for you?

You should insist that he attend marriage counseling with you. There are a lot of issues you will both need to discuss in order to stay together. A counselor can help you sort things out.

Answer 6

Yeah, what is the deal? You mean to tell us your spouse had a mistress for 1.5 years, and you tolerated such abusive behaviour? How could you possibly want him home after he went behind your back and not only broke your trust but hurt you as well. Get rid of the loser and let him go back to his mistress. He made his bed, now he can lie in it.

Answer 7

What an interesting situation - I think it would depend on how long you have known about this affair. Do you think that he could be lying to you about his contact with her as he has obviously done in the past? Perhaps it is an elaborate ruse to through you off the track of their continuing relationship? On the other hand perhaps he has figured out that he has made a big mistake and is trying to rectify it by stopping all contact and showing you that it is really over.

Answer 8

It makes you feel better that he is still having sex with you even though he moved out? Sounds to me like the roles have been reversed. Now your the other woman. And this makes you feel good? Just because he still comes around doesn't mean your better. It could be because your something familiar to him. As far as telling her that you are still having sex that is your decision. But I think your getting some satisfaction in keeping it a secret from her.

Answer 9

Pack your husband's things, drive him over to his mistress place and tell both of them to stay as far away as possible from you. Remember this : The best revenge a wife can do to his husband's mistress is to let her keep him.

Answer 10

K, that is a question you need to ask him......why won't he make it final?//
Maybe you should give him the "TEST" and have him contact her with you there, when he knows she'll be there, and to end it verbally, tell her what to do with his clothes and whatever, and to go where ever he needs to go to "meet" her to retrieve such things as hard as it would be on you.
I give you a lot of credit for standing by him for such a long time, but you need to really ask yourself, is it him or his money that keeps you hangin on.
If it is him, then fight for him, and do what you have to do, but if it is for money?
OH Please let him go, he is not worth it, and any support you get is nothing but whore money anyway, you are no better than his mistress.....Think about it.
Only you can decide, but in my book if he is not able to make it final to his mistress in front of me???? K, Not Worth It!!!!!!!!!!!