A good friend is over 30 years old. We know each other very well as we used to date but this is not the issue here.
We talk regularly, about everything.
But he lies on unimportant things for no apparent reason, all the time - if we talk more, he ends up contradicting himself on the same topic.
I see him act and he makes people do what he wants subtly. If the person does not do what he has in mind, he makes them feel terribly bad indirectly.
He also make people fight or hate each other by telling subtil thing - like a chess game, he puts the people where he wants them to be, emotionally.
He is charming, all acquaintance thinks he's the best man on Earth.
I don't really know how to help him - how to explain all this - I don't want to hurt his feelings. And to be honest, I am a little scared he'll backstab me.
Is he sick psychologically or just evil?
Even if the answer is to let him resolve his problems, I'd like to know your feeling on my his behavior.
2006-08-08 15:20:04 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
it's psychological.
2006-08-16 06:19:38 · answer #1 · answered by pete 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-08-13 00:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You friend is an instigator. He gets a kick out of seeing other people reactions. Life is one big Broadway production for him and the world is his stage. He lies to make himself seem more interesting. He's probably been doing it for so long he doesn't realize what he's doing. That's why he contradicts himself all the time. He's just making it up as he goes along.
Because he believes it's all about him. He can't help himself . He'll try to manipulate every situation and if it doesn't go his way, like frustrated director he'll take it out on the people around him.
I know he's your friend but be careful what you tell him. It sounds like he lives to twist the truth. When your not around you better believe that he continues telling tales to others. If he has info on you. Then you may become the subject of some very evil fabrications. I don't suggest you confront him or call him on any of his lies. He'll strike like an angry snake.
You can't help him but if you decide to remain friends don't hand him any ammunition. He's a loose cannon.
I've dealt with the same situation for years. This person has ruined many people's reputations. I'm the friend that knows a lot of her dirt because I'll always listen. But she knows very little about me. She's so wrapped in all the drama she creates that after all these years she doesn't even realize our conversation are mostly one-sided. I just oh and ah in all the right places and she goes to town. Yackety-yacking every other word is lie and an insult to someone's mother.
At this point it's all about keeping your friends close but your enemies closer. Watch yourself, Girl. Your picnicking with a snake in the grass. Good Luck !
2006-08-08 16:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard because you are only his friend...it's not like you can (comfortably) tell him that he needs help...I would say that he is "evil" and you know what, he might not even think or really notice that he is being that way. Either that or he doesn't care. Maybe he wasn't brought up to really care about others' feelings. I would try to notice specific times when he has done these things and don't forget them!...Then one day when you are alone and you notice it I would talk to him about it and then you have the previous times to back yourself up. Just mention it and see what he says...to see if he even notices anything at all! If he doesn't I would show him some examples and tell him how you feel about it. True friends are supposed to be honest with each other, right? And I would not trust him, esp right now...you said you fear him backstabbing you...I wouldn't trust him at all untill maybe he gets some help! And maybe someone like you is the perfect person to help him!
2006-08-08 15:28:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read about sociopaths (also known as anti social, or narcissists) YOu cannot help him.. Ever. He might be evil, lacking conscience. Read the book without conscience, by Robert Hare.. About sociopaths.. Very charming.. Only you can see through the things he does because you were in a more serious relationship with him. The others haven't been in deep enough to see it.. Stay away from him. Really. Read the book and you will see him in it.. if he is one.
2006-08-08 15:29:02 · answer #5 · answered by enquiring mind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a controlling person who has a bad habit of plain out lying. I know a few folks like that. They ended up with no friends because nobody could ever believe anything that come out of his mouth. Good Luck. I think its psychological. In my personal opinion.. a person like that does not have a good self image thus feeling like they must make up extravagant stories to make other people think he is "special". He ends up being special allright. He ends up being the subject of discussion when he is not around. Frankly I think I would try to taper off the friendship, because to me whats the point of having a friend who wants total control and who lies???? Whats the purpose?
2006-08-08 15:31:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psychologically sick. He feels he needs to be in control of everything and everyone around him. And if not he will cause trouble. I'd stay away from him. Even you said you are afraid he will backstab you and friends should not have to worry about that. I wish you luck. But watch what you talk about to him because you don't know when he'll get mad at you and try to use it to gratify himself.
2006-08-08 15:29:27 · answer #7 · answered by worried about our country 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like Ted Bundy with a twist. There's not much help you can give him. He's somewhat of a mastermind (in his small world) and preys on weaker personalities. Be careful or better yet, keep him at a distance. People like him click and do unimaginable things and you'll be the very friend to say he wouldn't do that.... with the list of characteristics, are you sure he's your friend?
2006-08-08 15:37:05 · answer #8 · answered by Skypride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gradually just back off until he is out of your life. People like this are dangerous. Go online and read about "borderline personality traits," and see if he has any of these characteristics.
The charming ones are the most dangerous.
Good luck to you.
2006-08-15 06:22:56 · answer #9 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your responsibility to help this man. There's no ring on your finger, nor is his name on your mailbox. He has issues. Let him deal with them. Evil? No. In need of a shrink. Possibly. Just by seeing everything you wrote, shows you care a great deal about other people... be friendly, but take care of yourself first. Stay away from this guy.
2006-08-08 15:24:34 · answer #10 · answered by wendyc222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has some mental issues... I am not sure if it is sociopath behavior, but it appears that he views as people as chess pieces that he gets to manipulate...Hence the lies and the punishment if they don't act the way he wants... I would try to avoid people like that if I were you..
2006-08-08 15:24:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋