My ex has been trying to make her marriage work out for the last 4 years. He yells at her leaves bruises on her and so on. Not a good person to be with. I dont think I still love her but I do care allot. I want to get her away from him. Im willing to help her 100% with what ever she needs. What can I do. I dont think telling her I want you to leave and be with me would help. Plus I just want to help not exactly be together again.
2006-08-08 14:36:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
why she stay then
2006-08-08 14:39:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have personally been in this situation and all I can tell you is to be there when she needs you, night or day. Abuse is a rotating circle that goes from escalating anger to the actual abuse to the "honeymoon phase", where he is very apologetic, nice, swearing he will never do it again and she gets sucked right back in by his niceness. She needs to be ready to leave him in her own time or she will just keep going back. The abuser makes it seem like it is all her fault during the "honeymoon phase" and she then feels guilty if she leaves and there is always "maybe he will change", "maybe this really is the last time" (but it never is). It finally took me to be knocked into a coma and thrown into a snowbank for me to get up the courage to leave. Hopefully it will not take that for her, but with good friends like you telling her that this is not right, that it is not her fault and maybe explaining the different phases of abuse, she can get a grasp on the horrible reality of the situation.
Just hang in there and be her friend and be there for her - that is what she needs to most.
2006-08-08 14:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awwww,You sound like a very caring person.
You did mention bruises, well it's called 'abuse', and I think you should help her now before this situation goes any further.
You have to tell her that you are concerned about her. Be careful not to scare her off, and try not to make things worse for her.
Always mention that you'll always be there for her no matter what, and if she needs anything she can always count on you.
Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you and her in the end.
2006-08-08 15:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by neemia4lyfnot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you still care about her and you can't stand by and watch her being hurt by this jerk. Tell her you will help her get away from him in any way that you can as a friend. Tell her she can move in with you until she gets back on her feet and can find her own place to live. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way he is treating her and I applaud you for trying to help because most men wouldn't care. Maybe if you can start with a friendship it may lead into something else. You never know!!
2006-08-08 14:49:54 · answer #4 · answered by unicornfarie1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you want to be the good man, because of the history you two have had in the pass i'm sure you still love her, not in love , but honestly love her. However what i've learned and has been known to be tried and true, you can't save someone who doesn't wnat to be saved. She may in some part of her mind think that she deserves the treatment she is recieving, maybe she feels its her own Karma, and she has to deal with it. I would suggest you do nothing until she comes out and says she really needs your help, until then just be there for her.
2006-08-08 14:45:25 · answer #5 · answered by snowflake9540 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your intentions are in the right place. Unfortunately, I've had friends in similar situations before and the only thing I could do to help was to be emotionally supportive and there for her when she needed me. It really pisses me off to see women allow a man to do that to them, but I also know they usually have to learn the hard way- some people are stubborn and aren't willing to see what's right in front of them.
Because I'm not very helpful, you may want to contact a center for abused women and ask the advice of counselors- maybe there is something you can do that I could have done for my friends.
2006-08-08 14:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's not much you can do except continue to be there for her, and by that i don't mean interfering in her current relationship. if he's hurting her and she doesn't want to leave thats something she has to deal with. if she happens to ask you for help then you can step in but i really think its best you don't till then. you might only make matters worse for her. i speak from experience....having an ex interfere when your in an abusive relationship gets you a bigger beating. i just hope there's no kids involved.
2006-08-08 14:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by jennluvsrich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
councelling
Talking to a professional will heal all her physical abuse, and turn that man into an angel. Just hearing the rational reasons why he should not treat her like a hunk of sh|t will make him reconsider every action before he takes it, regardless of his upbringing or drinking.
Believe me? I hope not. You should not think of two alternatives (you vs. him) but just her welfare. She will trust you when you are able to make it clear that you have her interests in mind, not yours. If you really do care just about her welfare you should be able to achieve that trust, establish a dialog, and convince her to abandon that sinking ship.
2006-08-08 14:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by TruthIsRelative 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her you are worried about her, and let her know you're there if she needs ya.
2006-08-08 14:40:34 · answer #9 · answered by IthinkFramptonisstillahottie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋