Do you like this poem? How would you write it?

Question

Fire

Bodies were thrashing and burning;
Against the outcome of actions .
Their questions were still yearning;
They hunted around for his presence;
In seconds, he comes crashing down.

Their faith forces him to relate.
He's leaving the last hill by the seventh gate; He's making his
getaway;
That need to break away haunts him;
As people gather in the town centre.

He remembers how they taunt him;
The latest round of words could hit him again;
This martyrdom game demands too much from him;
The papers will insist he either disappeared,
Or else, he just left on a whim.

He treasures the pain against pleasure; A burial beside white candles
holds him down.
Slowly the sweet, deathly leisure enters.
Roses bleed on the fingertips of a blade; Cut goes a little deeper.

Damaged copper canyons look steeper;
On the perfection of the clearest day.
Cut as sharp as crystal and diamond lasers; The fatal longing finds him
now; He follows dutifully.

Answer 1

I would get rid of the rhymes... they feel forced and get in the way of the emotions in the poem...

Just my opinion.

Answer 2

Fire2

Into his hands
delivered
unto Lucifer
Prince of air
world walker
he comes

The answer to
yearning questions
from burning
thrashing
bodies
seeking his presence

relate also
to no faith
they have
in hell town
haunting memories
of life once was

Their words
their death
first blood
and cold round barrel
to his head
martyr`s due

Pleasure and pain
the treasure
white to black
candles burning
death and demons
dragging deeper down

Fatally pulling
him to them
of burning words
he ended
clearly sees
fire copper canyons

Crystal clarity
sharp and light burnt
he follows
delivered
within the bright
morning star

Answer 3

What I think the poem expresses is someone who is taking on the pain of the world, and who holds on to that pain more than taking pleasure in life.
If I were to write something differently about the poem, would want it to have a happier outcome than following the pain dutifully.

Answer 4

It's definately a well thought out poem, only confusing to those who lack introspective capabilities... Heres a site that will give you better feedback, and more constructive criticism.

Answer 5

I think it is great. I dont read poetry but I had the erg to keep reading because it was awesome and the title makes you wonder. I was wonderful. You write a poetry book... I will Buy it!!!!

Answer 6

It's a long poem, but it's good I guess.

Answer 7

I like the use of imagery.

Answer 8

wow, thats deep, i really want to analyze it.
literally i would. but i gotta eat.

Answer 9

it's alright but definitely needs work.

Answer 10

it screams of "poor me"

nobody wants to hear of others problems.