My parents and all my close relatives seem to be homophobic...?

Question

They are always saying things like "A girl/guy shouldn't do this because that's not right for their gender"

For example, I have a tendency to wear baggy clothing. Since I am a girl, they are always telling me that it's wrong for me dress the way I dress because I'm a girl and I'm wearing such "guy-ish" clothing.

Another one would be when my boy cousin went away for 10 weeks and he never got a hair-cut. He came back with his hair a little long on the back of his neck and his mom was reprimanding him the whole way back about how he should've gotten a haircut, how gay he looks, how wrong it is, and so forth...

(This is just 2 out of the many examples I can name)

I'm completely basing my statement that my family is homophobic with this... Am I wrong though? Do they seem homophobic? Or am I just jumping to conclusions a little too quick?

I apologize for the misuse of the wording in my question and I thank everyone who warned me bout judging before I know.

I don't quite know if I'm being judgemental but I asked this question because I am gay and everytime they point out how wrong something is... a pang of guilt and hurt strikes me.

And for the more or less ignorant people out there, I am FEMALE. A GIRL. My parents may be concerned with how society looks at me when I wear baggy clothing, but it is more comfortable for me.

To answer elymendoza1984's question:

I have always been someone else to everyone. Always living by someone else's standards. I wanted to be me... but now that I'm trying to... everyone seems disapproving.

I apologize if this seems whiney... or whatever the word was...

Answer 1

Maybe not homophobic, just old fashioned, and value the traditional roles of a man and a woman.

Answer 2

The older generation, except for a few like me (40yo), were brought up in different ways than the younger generation. Modern theology and science and many other factors have tought us that certain things are "ok" now. Take race issues for example. Chances are that if you are in high school now, or a rencent grad, you probably have many friends that are of another race than you, and that's ok, you should. But for our parents, the civil war is still being fought. Mainly because they grew up in the 60's during the height of biggitry and race riots. The same goes with homosexuals. In our parents days, if you were gay, you were just "sick" or "confussed" or it was a "phase", but modern science has tought us different. And as far as the other stuff, just remember that our parent's parents thought that Elvis was possessed and that his hip girations were "vulger" and that rock and roll was an "evil sin". Other examples of changing times are dancing, clothing styles, hair styles. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 3

Truth is it is hard to say from just two examples. Also it would be wrong for us to judge them when we dont even know them. After all we as gay people are always upset when people who dont know us judge us so we cannot judge them without knowing them. I would say it could be as simple as a common term. Think about how many times you have heard someone say somthing is so gay but dont mean it a gay in a sexuality way but gay as in stupid or odd. To really look it this you have to see if they say things like I DONT LIKE GAY PEOPLE. THat would be much more clear than your examples. Just seems to me by the two examples you gave that your family is very concerned about personal apperance.

JUST MY TAKE ON IT.

Answer 4

either they are closet homos themselves or just completely prejudice. i am not gay but my nephew is and when he told me he was i realized he was the same person i always liked. true gays do not put their private lifes in your face, only fags do that and they are usually bi-sexual and just experimenting and think its fun to freak people out. To answer your question yes they are homophobic or would not talk that way to you or anyone. Obviousely no one in your family has ever come out of the closet and it is very likely someone in your family is gay. most familys now days have a member who is gay, known or not. could be your child someday, dont be critical please, a true homosexual is born with those feelings and cannot help it. get some written info from doctor, library, etc. and give it to your homophobic family and tell them to get over it.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like your family simply has more traditional views as to appropriate sex roles and clothing.

Also, I discourage you (and everyone) from using the words "gender" and "homophobia" so indiscriminately. Somehow, these terms have come into wide misuse in (American) English. The term gender has to do with the masculine, feminine, or neutral application of descriptive parts of speech to nouns in many foreign languages. It has nothing to do with a person's sex. "Homophobia" is defined as a fear of anything that is similar or the same. It has nothing to do with bias against homosexuals.

That last bit is just one of my pet peeves. I strongly believe that words have meaning and misuse of words leads to miscommunication. May God bless and keep you.

Answer 6

homophobia- fear of gays No! makes a persons stomach want to turn yes. if a person don't know what sex they are for example a girl in boy clothes complete with hat. Go take a piss and see if you can figure out your gender then.

Answer 7

They definitely don't question their conditioning - you can help by trying not to judge them and realizing that the vast majority of us don't question what our families and society have taught us. And the longer we don't question, the more it becomes embedded in our identity and the harder it is to undo. So ... the best thing is to not contribute to the whole 'us versus them' dynamic and realize that your parents and relatives are good people who are just products of their conditioning. I'm white and married a black women and, despite that, I still find lots of my racist conditioning popping up - it amazes me and makes me realize that I can't judge others.

Answer 8

Parents are always so proud of their kids & want them to be seen in the best possible light. It's hard to brag about a stringy haired, baggy dressed kid!

Answer 9

I don't think that they are demonstrating too much homophobia at this point...why are you worried about this? Do you think you might be gay?...It's okay if you are...your parents and family haven't really attacked gay people in these comments...I don't know...if you are gay maybe you should pick one understanding member and try to talk to them first.

Answer 10

Well,I would say they just want you to dress appropriately as God would like,not be a part of this world nowaday,but mabey you should quit chasing them & trying to lick them!Or put on a nun suit & pray the rosary!Mabey they would like that better!