Hubby and I in deadlock over circumcision.?

Question

We cannot come to a decision on this issue. I am 100% against it, he is 100% for it. Read below, to see details.

Basically, I want to prove to him (obviously) why not to and eventually make him agree with me. And he wants to do the same. But! I do "research" and look things up online all the time, he does not. He goes by personal opinion and what his friends say. I go by personal opinion as well, but back it up with medical studies and statistics.

How the hell are we going to decide on this issue?? Any parents out there who had this same argument? How did you decide on it? Cointoss??? I really don't want to do this, I think it's wrong on many levels, and unecessary. Our insurance doesn't cover it (though it covers my entire pregnancy and the childbirth, as well as postpartum childcare) which to me, proves it's an unecessary procedure.

Please, either give me good reasons to circumcise him, or continue to convince me I'm right... I need to know! We've got 3 mo.

I do not want to circumcise our son (due in November).
* It is not natural
* I believe it is a "vanity" procedure only, as modern science has proven it unecessary.
* I don't think it's necessary for health, if good hygeine is taught at a young age
* I feel that teaching good hygeine is better than cutting off a body part to accomodate laziness ("not wiping" "not cleaning")
* I think it's stupid, because it's a religious practice of Judeo-Christian origins only. NOT a medically necessary procedure. I am NOT religious, neither is my husband
* I feel our son should have the CHOICE of whether or not he has this procedure, as it is known to be removing 3,000 of 7,000 nerve endings from the delicate organ.

I do not want to (continued)
* I think he should make this decision when he's over 18 and can decide for himself. Same for piercings, tattoos, nosejobs, liposuction, sex change, etc. I do not feel this is a decision we should make for him, despite the fact that parents make certain decisions for their children (their job).
* I feel the risk of infection post-op or risk of a botched surgery is greater than the risk of "UTI's"
* I have a hood on my clitoris. I clean it when I bathe, and wipe myself well when I pee. This does not impede my life or inconvenience me at all. And I am happy that my body is intact. I've had two UTIs, first due to army bootcamp and not having toilet paper for a week, and because of dehydration at the same time. One other time, when I first became pregnant.

My husband believes our child should be circumcised.
* He believes the circumcision will keep our son from ever getting a UTI
* He believes a UTI cannot be prevented by teaching our child to clean himself, and if say, he "forgets" to clean himself once, he will be in the ER with a UTI, and that will cause him far more stress than having a circumcision.
* He believes our son will be pressured by a girlfriend into getting a circumcision, then will be upset that he did it because of the loss of sensation (since after all, 3,000 nerve endings will be removed once he's used them)
* He thinks that if we don't do it now while he's little and can't "feel" it (or at least won't remember it), it can't traumatize him as much as when he is over 18. As in, the pain will be so great that he won't be able to bear it, if he decides to do it when he's older.

Husband does want it (continued)
* He believes it would be better to "not experience" an uncircumcised penis, rather than to experience it and lose the sensation. He does not like the idea of our child setting an example, breaking the trend, etc. Even though my husband usually says doctors are full of **** and he loves to "break the mold" and do things differently, to prove people wrong.
* He is circumcised, and doesn't care because he's "never experienced uncircumcised sex" and doesn't know what he's missing.
* He thinks it's healthier, cleaner, and easier.
* He has male friends who say "circumcise him, because I'm circumcised!"
* He said our child's life will be miserable, that he will be singled out and teased, that he will be uncomfortable, that he will have to wipe every time he pees and this will cause him problems all throughout his life..

Hubby wants (continued)
* He argues that since I don't have a penis, I can't possibly make a decision about this. I tell him that a clitoris has a hood, too. And it is not removed, despite the fact that women have to clean around it to prevent smegma from building up, and possibly getting infected. I've had a clitoral hood my entire life, and have only had two UTI's. I think it's unrelated... but anyways. We've got 3 months to decide:

When he's a baby, he gets circumcised, OR
He doesn't get circumcised until HE decides (if at all)

Answer 1

I have two sons and neither of them are circumcized. I agree with those who call it genital mutilation, especially after watching that video somebody posted. No joke I almost fainted just watching it. It's unnecessary and cruel, and EXTREMELY painful for the baby. My own OB/Gyn thanked me for not circumcizing my last baby. His exact words were, "I hate performing circumcisions because they're so traumatic and painful for these little guys."

My husband is 32 years old and uncircumcized. He has NEVER had an issue of ANY kind. He was taught good hygeine at a very young age and that's all it takes.

My oldest son just turned 3 and he already knows to pull back the foreskin and wash his penis at every bath. My infant son will learn the same when he is ready.

And if someone teases one of my kids in the locker room, my boys will already know what to tell them, because I will have already explained to them that they will look different from some of the other boys. I will tell them that circumcision is very painful for a little baby and as their mother I didn't want to subject them to such trauma, and I didn't want a doctor to cut part of their penises off. I guarantee when they tell the other kids that, then some of those circumcized boys will go home and ask why their parents did that to them.

Finally, if some woman thinks less of my son because he is uncirc'd, then that woman isn't worthy of my son's attention. He will have learned that early on as well.

Answer 2

Wow...that's a lot of info, and most of it is in the addt'l details so I can't see it as I type this so sorry if I get anything mixed up.
First doing "research" on the internet isn't really research.
Second...your husband is better equipped to make this decision because He is a male and has lived with the decision his parents made (I assume that he is circumcised) and he must be thankful to them and wants his son to feel the same way. It’s not so much the medical reasons for him; it’s the emotional ones.
I don't think this is a life altering decision...either way, he'll still be a happy, healthy boy so don't let this one little thing reduce the joy of the birth of your son no matter which way you go.
Even after all the details I still don't see any clear reasons for not doing it except you have to pay for it (and insurance only in recent years have changed it to not being covered, and that's only because they are cheap bastards and they can get away with it, not because it is in the best interest of the patient)...all the others are fears that you both have the cancel each other and personal issues.
I think the best way you and your husband can make this decision without hurting each other's feelings is to go to the phone book and randomly pick 3 pediatricians. Call and ask the 3 of them if they circumcised their sons (or would they if they don't have sons). At least 2 out of the 3 Professionals (not internet!) will agree. Then you go with whichever one the doctors choose for you and then drop it! That way you can feel like 3 have gotten 3 opinions and you didn't hurt your husband's feelings and he won’t hurt yours.
Just think how your husband will feel 10 years from now when your son says to him “how come mine doesn’t look like yours?” What would you expect your husband to say to him “your mom wouldn’t let me circumcise you; my parents removed my foreskin, but you mom-she’s got the pants and possibly my balls”
Sorry…that was an extreme example and most likely over the top but you’ve got to let him feel like this is his baby too and that he gets a full say (if not more of a say in all things ‘male’)
Good Luck & don't stress too much over this part...there are so many more things to come.

Answer 3

There are so many men that have not had this procedure. I worked in a nursery at church and many families chose not to circumcise. A long time ago doctors thought that for health and cleanliness reasons that you had to do this for your son. Now people know that it is not a Biblical issue or an health issue. If you bathe regularly, and this is what you will teach your child, then it is not a health issue at all. We did have our son have it, he was accidental nicked, bled, had to be taken back to the doctor and had to have a stitch. It hurt on both procedures. They would not let me in with him, so I cried in the waiting room and he screamed in the exam room. Everything turned out ok but I would not do it again. My baby was not a crier at all, even from birth, and for him to scream like that was beyond awful. Most of the time all goes well but not long after our son had his done, a baby boy, at our same hospital had a horrible accident happened during the surgery and he lost the end of his penis. The doctor was investigated and all but then what?

I agree with you but you and I do not have to decide this.

A suggestion? Write out all the pros and cons. Even call your intended pedi and get their input. Most pedi's don't go for circumcision any more. Together, compare the lists. Show how you can refute each pro listing. The only thing on his side that may be valid is looks and that is a personal thing. Don't worry about his future. If your son is teased when he is older, then you help him thru it just like you will when he is cruelly teased about other things.

Answer 4

This is a hard decision to come to (or agree upon for that matter!)....I agree with some of your points but to be fair I also agree with some of your husbands points....

I would say that you should! I have a 2 1/2 year old son, and I chose to have it done (me and my boyfriend were in agreement about it)....but my son slept through the whole thing!! He didnt even cry!! So if one of your concerns is that it will be too tramatizing for your new little baby, dont worry too much....the doctors give them a local shot to numb the area before they do the actual procedure!

Although it is not medically necessary anymore, and fewer people are having the procedure performed on their sons, I still think that people should do it. It has to be done by 2 weeks old, so the baby will never remember the pain involved. It looks a lot better and cleaner when a penis is circumsized.....

Even if you end up NOT getting the procedure done, your son is not going to be ridiculed in school....there are SO MANY MORE boys that are not having it done these days, he is definitly not going to be the "odd ball out"!! So dont let that argument change your decision.

Ultimately, this is your and your husbands decision to make (or fight over! hahaha) : ) No one on here can tell you what is best for your son, only you can make that decision.....but if it were me in this situation (which I have been in), I would choose to have it performed...

As for your insurance not paying for it, it doesnt cost that much, I think it cost me $145 to get my sons done 2 years ago...

Either way you decide....your son is not going to be mad at you for the decision that you have made....he wont know any different and it wont be a big deal if you and his father dont make it a big deal while he is growing up! Good Luck!! =)

Answer 5

My son was circumcised and is fine.
One of my nephews the Dr didn't perform his circumcision correctly so now at age 5 he is considered to be uncircumcised and he has a lot of urinary infections because he isn't circumcised and doesn't get himself clean enough and of course at his age he no longer wants his parents helping him to get clean. They actually thought about having him re circumcised but decided it would be to traumatic because of his age.
Plus I've heard that men that are uncircumcised are at a higher risk of cancer.
It's a tough decision my fear was more caring for it and the pain of having it done. however my son had what is called a plasti-bell circumcision that requires no care and it was nice. He didn't cry after it was done he cried during but then was fine and he cried the first time he peed but never after that. He is no 7 months old and is a healthy baby boy and I'm glad that he won't get the infections my nephew does.
My other nephew had the same circumcision that my son had and he will be a year the end of the month and is also fine with his.
You really need to think long and hard and it is a very personal decision so maybe if you and your husband can't agree try going to a Dr and have them give you the pro's and cons and talk to the Dr and maybe that would help someone agree to something else.

Answer 6

Whew! Ok for starters , I have worked in a labor and delivery and experinence this alot with parents. As a health care provider, it is a simple procedure, with some slight risk.

From my own personal opinion, (not to be disrepectful) Many times I have seen parents such as your self who are so educated and research the problems so much that they place their baby at risk b/c of their morals, religion, beliefs, or education but it is a personal choice!

However, your husband IS male and I would side with that alone from anything else because he knows first hand how men feel about their penis's. Sure you have done all the research but have you ever experinced a man with an uncircumcised penis? Many of these men no matter how clean risk giving their female partners UTI's, abnormal paps,and infections before and during pregnacy or are at a higher risk to recieve infections from a woman. Not to mention, your son may grow up and choose circumcision and that can be very painful as teen or adult. Not to mention it can stifle his self esteem when he encounters other penis's that have have been circumcisized. Just think about how he might feel when a young woman may encounter his penis for the first time. If he chooses circumcision surgery while he is still in your home , it will cost you even more then. Besides, who do you know wants to spend the weekend cleaning his penis? One of my best girlfriends married a guy who had an uncircumcised penis. Sure he had had sex before her but they both are now carriers of hepatitis c and she has always suffered from female infections and the doc attributed this to his non circumcisized penis he advised them to use a condom to cut back on uncircumsized infections. This guy has always been the talk of the town b/c of his "strange "penis. I would have to agree with your husband and have the baby circumsized.

I am a parent of two boys and I had them circumcized after birth. I just could not imagine worrying about the toilet seats they sit on in public, at schools restrooms,bath tubs,pools or women he may encounter later in life. Get your sone circumcized!!!

Answer 7

I am the mother of two sons ages 3 and 1. I don't know where some people get their information, but both my sons were circumcised and they felt NO pain. I was with them both. They were given a shot to numb the area and the procedure was over within minutes. They didn't even cry. In the long run, it is a cleaner, healthier choice. It doesn't have to be a question of religious beliefs. Pressure to "look normal" shouldn't weigh into your decision, however, it might make the locker room days a might easier for your son if he does, in fact, fit in. I like the idea that another user gave of seeking the advice from several reputable doctors and following their consensus. This is something you and your husband have to work out between the two of you. But don't take too long. The earlier you choose to do this, the easier it will be for your son.

Answer 8

For starters, it is GENITAL MUTILATION. You wouldn't do it to a girl, and yes, some cultures do snip the inner labia on little girls. It is just as sick as circumcision.

Secondly. Let the kid decide when he is older. It is his body and he should have a say-so! I bet he wants it. I bet at 18 years old he'll thank you for NOT doing it.

Thirdly, you are forcing the kid to lose %80 of sensitive skin that is designed for pleasure. You wouldn't what to lose %80 of your "sensitive area", would you? Removal of the skin exposes the glans, thus de-sensitize that area. Bad move.

Fourthly, there's a reason humans evolved (and other animals too) having a foreskin. It is not a "left-over", nor is it there by accident. It actually makes the basic part of the penis an "inner organ".

Fifthly, the excuse of "looking like Dad", is lame. My kid has never seen me nude to compare. Even if he did, so what. "Other kids in the locker room will tease". Really? Not so. Performing a circumcision to avoid locker room teasing or looking like Dad is not only lame, but a HUGE sacrifice for a few moments of possible embarrassment.

On a sixth note, the operation can be DANGEROUS!!!! I am sure you did your homework and have seen the disastrous pictures for an unnecessary operation.

Don't do it. It is not needed. An uncircumcised penis is easier to care for and clean than a normal vagina. Whats so hard about that? There's a reason why insurance doesn't cover it. NOT NEEDED.

Answer 9

Wow, that's quite the argument you've presented.
You're right about it not being a medically necessary procedure. In societies where not circumcising the males is the norm, they have no higher rates of UTI's.
There was a study done several years ago that found that women who had sex with uncircumcised males were at a higher risk for STD's and cervical cancer.. .BUT that study was found to be flawed, and could not be duplicated.
It's still more the norm to circumcise in this country. He will run into questions and curiosity in the locker room, but if you've explained things to him early on and factually, he should be able to handle it.

Answer 10

The only experience I have is that I'm circumcised and I've never had a complaint and I have never known anything different.

I would say that if there are reasons on both sides of this issue, then I would go for the option that does not involve cutting the boy. If anything, there should be a compelling reason for circumcision.

Also, from a gut instinct reaction, there is something unnatural about mutilating the human body.