How would you react if your child told you s/he is gay?

Question

I don't want to know how you THINK you will react (i.e. some people think that they will be reasonable and accept, but when it actually happens, they flip out and start b*tching)...
I want you to actually close your eyes and imagine the situation unfolding before you, and the first reaction that pops into your head is most likely the way you will react...

hahaa... thanks Rob. That made me chuckle.

But seriously, I'm really curious.

I'm getting the idea that many of you may think I'm the parent...

I would like to clarify that I am the gay daughter. I just wanted to know what parents would do when they find out...

Answer 1

I hope, my Dear One, that I would react like my mother when she found out (through my sister who I had confided to...arg) I was "Happy". she said " It doesn't matter *what* you are. It matters *who* you are. You're my child and I love you. I know that you're a good kind person and that's all that matters to me." Needless to say, I was sooo relieved. I'd spent the previous week anguishing about what she might say until I was able to get down to see her. I've seen enough people be cruel to others because they didn't conform to what was "normal". If my child was good and kind, that's all that would matter. I wish you well, my Dear. Blessings on you.

Answer 2

Man that would be a bombshell !! I'd like to think I would accept it but as you say it is easier said than done. I understand that being gay is much more accepted / tolerated than it was a generation ago. I don't think I would give it a second thought if a neighbour/friend/workmate came out, but a son/daughter would be very difficult to understand /accept. Even gays have to admit that once their out, their life gets more difficult. There is still a lot of "gay bashers" out there. And while it is illegal (in many places) to deny a job or promotion to a gay it still happens. To have my son/daughter bring a gay friend/partner up to the cottage for a weekend would be very difficult for me. I would like to think that over a period of time I would become accepting and supportive but it would be difficult. As difficult as it is for a gay person to come "out" I have to wonder if they have any idea of the impact this has on others particularly family. I would always love my son/daughter no matter what, but as you say accepting this would not be easy. I guess the short answer to your question is I don't know. (Great question though)

Answer 3

I'm not a parent, but someone that is bi-curious and has struggled with whether or not to tell my parents for awhile. I know if I do find out I'm not a bi and just going through a phase, and I do have kids, I will support them 100% if they tell me they're gay. They do not choose to be that way. And if they found true love, so what if the person is the same sex?

Answer 4

of course, my first reaction doesn't really count because i'm pretty queer myself ... when both my daughters told be they were lesbian (at ages 11 and 13), i said, you know if you have any choice in the matter whatsoever, go with guys ... living life as a lesbian is really hard ... btw, my daughters took my advice ... although they identify as bisexual, they both have boyfirends at the current moment (ages 22 and 24) ... who knows how it will be in another 10 years

when i told my parents (of course this was way, way back in the day), my father cried and had a heart attack (literally) and my mother was really upset and wanted to know where they went wrong ... the intersting thing about my father is that, unbeknownst to me, he himself was gay, but married to look "normal" .. so he was a buddhist and thought that i turned out gay for karmic reasaons ... he came out to me when i came out to him ... btw, it took 10 years, but my mother got over it

but, really, every parent is different ... are your parents homophobic? ... are they ultra religious? ... do you not have real communication with them? ... are they authoritarian parents? ,,. do they think they know everything and they're always right? ... these are warning signs that it may go very badly when you tell them ... but you never know .. they could have the warning signs and still be oh so cool about it and wrap their arms around you and say all the right things

Answer 5

It would really depend on if it was a son or daughter...granted that is VERY sexist, but it's true...although in the end...that's the way it is...being gay isn't a choice...it's the way things are! I'm not the kind of parent who over reacts to things...something like that I'd probably say...yeah alright...what else can someone really say? It's like when my single daughter told me she was pregnant, she was crying...I said...why are you crying? things happen! You can't change the fact...accept them..

Answer 6

I would hug my child, tell them I love them no matter what, but I would also be very concerned of the way they would be treated in society, even if we are progressing in this area, there are still people who could hurt my gay child, with words or violence. So that would be a big concern. But I would be supportive and understanding, and when you bear a child, give them life, how can you not love them, no matter who they turn out to be?

Answer 7

I would love them and accept them the way that they are. I have a son, I would be worried for him, because with the way the world is, it is a hard life for some of us. I would worry about his safety, and as always, even if he grows up straight, I would worry about his choice of relationships.
But I would still love him and I would never, ever, disown him.

Answer 8

This is an odd question. In essence, you are asking the choir if they like to sing. Why would we have a problem with our kids being gay? Now if you asked this question in a hetero Q&A .. the responses would be substantially different.

Good luck in your quest!

Answer 9

When she thought she was, I told her that I hoped she protected herself and her heart. I told her that I loved her no matter what. I mean it. My kids can't do anything to make me stop loving them. In my office I have heard parents wish they had handled "the news" differently and even not say anything at all, because now their children can't relate to them and have distanced themselves from the parents. Good question. Nana

Answer 10

Of course, I probably wouldn't be extatic about it, but I have a brother who is gay---he is still my brother, and I love him--the same would go for my kids--there's nothing anyone can do to change it, and they would need all the people on their side they can get----I couldn't imagine alienating my children.