Issues, issues ... am I wrong for feeling this way?

Question

My son (18) and his fiance live with us (she is going to have a baby). She has a sister who started high school Monday - just into 9th grade. Their father had to go on a business trip and stepmom works until midnight. We just paid the rent --- there's no money and no food at this point. On Sunday night she came over (the sister) and son's fiance says "is it okay if she spends the night so we can take her to school in the morning?" This was pretty late (after they got off work). I said "sure." Last night they come home again with her and I asked if she was planning another night over and my son's fiance says "oh..she's staying here until my dad gets back which is Sunday." NO ONE asked us-first whole week of school-she has no money-we have no food. I haven't eaten since yesterday at lunch. I don't know who I'm more mad at. Her dad KNOWS we have $$ problems right now. We never talked to him about her staying with us for the week. We can't just kick her out-no one is home.

Is it wrong for me to feel taken advantage of? I feel totally betrayed. She says "oh she doesn't eat much" but we have nothing left at all.

SHE is staying a whole week - not a couple days and no one asked prior at all. We're out of everything right now and they left her w/no money or food for the week.

More complicated than food stamps - missed about 5 paychecks because of loss of job - back at work and make too much $$ for help but is impossible getting caught up. Electric Co. added 2 deposits to our account because we were late, etc., etc.

Son and fiance do work and they've helped a little with food before. They had to get a car though as we only had one and 4 people working. Lost extra car when it died in a parking lot when I wasn't working and we couldn't get it fixed - it got towed away.

Answer 1

I'm surprised you're still speaking, I would have been in the corner curled up rocking!!! You have every right to feel like you do, have you tried public assistance for either you or the mom-to-be? There has to be some place you can turn to for help..good luck! And tell the sister (and father)that if they don't have any $$ to help they should think of other alternatives for her.

Answer 2

You're not wrong, you have been taken for granted. (Heck, why doesn't everyone come take advantage while you try to keep your head above water!Right?) However, make sure not to take it out on this kid.

She is young, has no idea, and zero control over where she is told to go by these crackerjack "adults" in charge of her. She probably is unhappy and uncomfortable about not being home in her own bed for the first week of school. So, try to remember that.

Myself (with the husband), I would sit son and woman down afterward, and explain what the reality is. You are a giving person (hell, you are letting them crash there!) but as adults, everyone needs to have consideration for others and not assume or take advantage. Also, that they are in your home and as guests (yes, even son-once you get someone pregnant, you are an adult and should act as such) they should ask you and inform you of all things going on in your home. That is common courtesy.

Also, has your grandchild's mother seen about a WIC program in the area? This might help take some of the financial strain off of your own situation.

Answer 3

Talk to the step-mom... or get in contact with the father, I'm sure there is a number where he can be reached.. Let them know you have no food in the house and little sister is hungry.. Maybe step-mom can bring a bag of groceries.. or you can go to her house and pick up a few things.. be sure to tell them, that if there should be another sleep over.. That this is your house and they need to talk to you first and make the arrangements not you your son or big sister.. You need to be up front not rude or angry.. no one should be without food... Sometimes people really take advantage without even knowing it.. Good luck, I hope it all works out.. God Bless

Answer 4

Frist of all having a pregnant woman in your house should get you some sort of food stamps and wic for the family. you need to get intouch with the local social services and see if they can help with food support. Plus there comes a time and a place where you need to sit down with everyone and put it all onthe table. Don't be mean cause that will just make things worse but just tell them that this isn't working anymore that you are haveing enough problems. The deal with your son and his baby,well they should quailfy for what is called emergancy houseing and the state will help them get ont here feet. They need to do some serious to do some research they are adult enough to have childrene then they need to figure out what is going on. Support them but don't do this for them. Talk to her parents and tell them that they just can't dump this girl off if they can't take care of her then they need to give her to someone eho can. Good luck and I hope that you call the county that you live in to get some help that is what they are there for.

Answer 5

You need to establish that YOU are the head of your household and YOU have to be asked when someone Is staying over NOBODY should stay over period IN my book but I am not you>I feel you should put your foot down and trully be the head of your house and I hope your son Is working and giveing you some money too,this will teach him to be responsible as I had to be at 18 years old .Not your problem and dont let anybody push It on you

Answer 6

Im still taken aback, when you say theres no food, and you havent ate since yesterday. Your son , is he aware of your financial situation? He should of been more considerate,considering your plight at this time. Does he have a plan to support this baby? Please try to get some food from a soup kitchen or obtain food stamps from welfare. You are entitled to all these benefits. This is why i believe we pay taxes. I wish you the best of luck .

Answer 7

It's pretty hard to teach an 18 year old respect and sensitivity. If he were mine, I'd say, "Well, now you've made an adult decision and it's time for you to take responsibility and put a roof over your heads and food on the table. You are not going to take resources from us that we don't have. You teach people how to treat you and he didn't get taught what he needed to have learned. You better teach him pdq.

Answer 8

at the initiating yeah, acceptable, this isn't about sex. for sure dummy it truly is about sex. it truly is continuously about sex. and 2d - u did acceptable at the same time as u ordered him to make issues better between him and her and u. this replaced into actually the right step. yet now u can no longer administration it anymore. what if he has chosen her? with the help of contacting him u will merely boost his ego, prepare him he gained and conquered your heart and now he can administration u the way he needs. and he gained't fix something with her, he will merely lie he keen to proceed to be acquaintances with her. u made a mistake at the same time as u began this scene so early. u must have waited at the same time as u dated longer. and besides i'd not positioned huge hopes on him - he stood u up no longer at the same time as quickly as yet 3 situations. i could have dumped a guy if he stood me up at the same time as quickly as. do no longer contact him, watch for him coming to u, and if he would not u recognize he has chosen her

Answer 9

I think that it's time you have a family meeting at your house. The best thing that you can do is tell them how you feel. It's time that you put yourself in control.

Answer 10

NO!!! It's normal hun. You were taken advantage of. He could of called you and asked you if she could spend a couple more days!