What to do about the friend of your husband that you can't stand?

Question

This friend constantly wants to come over or go out and drink all night. He never has any money. My husband says he feels sorry for him because the friend and his wife are separating and possibly divorcing. She is divorcing him for the same reasons I listed, drinking and no money.

This friend has been disrespectful to me in the past also.

So nice of you all to respond. I am taking everything everyone posted into consideration because as much as I want to put my foot down, I don't want to control my husband either. Thanks again everyone!

Answer 1

I'd have a conversation with your husband about the issue and express your feelings. Quite frankly, from my point of view, if my buddy was dumb enough to be disrespectful to my wife, he's getting cut off if not a good smack in the mouth.

I wouldn't "put your foot down" and insist that he stop seeing his friend, as that may cause problems between you and your husband. It would, however, be fair for you to insist that if your husband must spend time with his friend, that he limit it to a reasonable amount... and that their activities be limited to those that do not cost money or involve alcohol. If he really wants to spend time with your husband, and not just milk him for beer money, then he shouldn't mind just sitting around talking, playing darts, or catching a game on TV...

Answer 2

Sounds like your hubby needs to get his priorities straight. Family first...then comes the rest, including desperate friends. It is hard sometimes to ignore friends that are in need, hence the name "friends", but it should never come in place of more important family matters. I'd say that the worse part of your situation is that this friend has been disrespectful, which should be enough reason for hubby to discard or at least not put too much effort into helping him out. There is a saying in Spanish that loosely translates as "tell me who you walk with, I'll tell you who you are." Anyway, remind hubby that you are his best friend and that you would like to be treated with the same respect that you give to him. Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like your husband doesn't have a problem with the friend only you. If I'm correct, take all your energy and fustrations to God in prayer along with faith. Meanwhile, focus on what you can do for God (which is allowing him to love other people through you including your husband's friend). Of course you are justified for the way you feel with valid reasons. But, which is more important (a continuing healthy relationship with your spouse or being right about this particular situation.

Answer 4

Give him a chance. Show your husband that you suport him (your husband) in helping this friend. Let your husband stay with his friend, and more sooner than later he will realize that there is no much to do with this guy but will be happy to have a comprehensive wife.

Answer 5

I would sit down with your husband and explain to him how much you dislike this person being in your home and how he has disrespected you. If your husband wants to be difficult about it I would say, "Fine, when he's gone I'll come home."

Answer 6

thats a tricky one, i had to break up with an ex who completely idolized his brother who was always getting himself into trouble with women and the law, and we always had to bail him out. you can tell your husband that you don't want him in your house since he disrespected you and really put your foot down about it! make them go elsewhere to hang out. it sucks because your husband is a grown man and you really can't tell him what to do, but he should respect your feelings. i really feel for you on this one!