We have been together over 5 years , been through a lot but now he has been out of work for more than 2 years now and I cracking under the preasure of having to do it all myself , I do not know how to tell him , I do not want to hurt him or get into an argument . Just want him to help . I am putting many things on the shelf to keep a roof over our heads and wheels under our feet . Please help me .
2006-08-08 11:59:18 · 19 answers · asked by Love loss 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Wow, 2 years is totally unacceptable to be out of work unless you have serious health issues. You may have to walk away and make him stand on his own two feet.
2006-08-08 12:04:47 · answer #1 · answered by thesweetestthings24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend - I wonder what kind of relationship you have been in with someone for FIVE YEARS and you can't talk to them - communicate your feelings and concerns. Your friend has not worked in two years - there has to be a reason - have you led him to believe that "you're ok with this decision?" A conversation about that should have taken place two years ago. Or before. We are all grown folks here. Everybody has to carry his/her own weight - UNLESS the decision was made and everybody agreed - that one person would work and the other would provide work in the home - you don't say this - but I have a feeling you are being taken advantage of. Sit your partner down. Pull out the bills and what's owed - let him see what you have to pay for and then ask him to start actively searching for employment - Search the papers, call the employment agencies together and then let him have a DATE that you expect him to be working - otherwise you can live miserably ALONE. Or get another roomie who is putting some time in and doing his part. You cannot continue to do this alone. It's not about an argument, or 'hurting him' - he will get over it if he wants to eat! You desperately need to develop some strategies that will help you become a stronger person. Nobody has the right to do this to you - and only you can stop this. Finally, this might be the 'end of the relationship - you might need to consider what your feelings are going to be if this happens. People don't just take advantage of you. You allow them to. Good luck -and have this talk IMMEDIATELY.
2006-08-08 12:09:49 · answer #2 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if you two have been through a lot, and if he really loves and cares for you then he would get off his A** and do something about himself not having a job. Then again maybe he is depressed and upset with something going on in his life right now. In that case I hope you would get real serious with him in order to find out what's going on. In the end you may just need to give him an ultimatum, either get a job or get lost, a relation can't be built if only one person is doing the building!
Good luck to ya!
2006-08-08 12:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by Little_Major 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart you need to take control of your life and be strong. You can't be afraid of losing him even if you love him as the most important thing in this equation is YOU. If you're feeling like these then you really need to face off to him. It doesn't have to be an argument, it can be a discusion, but in either case it needs to be one where you stand firm. In this situation your own health is much more important and you need to make sure that you preserve this. This is one of those time that you need to ask your friends and family to do an "intervention" and sit with you both as you discuss this issue with him, and that really is your next step.
If this was me I'd have dumped his sorry **** after 6 months. The fact that you've kept up with this for 2 years shows that you are an incredibly strong person. Now is the time to use this strength to confront the situation and with the help of friends and family to resolve it in as amicable a way as possible.
2006-08-08 12:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by God 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have often heard that love is blind. But in your case, it may be deaf, dumb and stupid also. A man who will not provide for the love of his life is really not worth much. You are not supposed to support anyone other than yourself. Since you are single it might be in your best interest to end this relationship. The young man sounds like he is pretty happy with the situation the way it is. Why has it taken you 2 years to figure out that you are stressing because of the situation? It sounds like he has already abandoned you. And you him. If you cannot discuss your true feelings with him that you have abandoned him emotionally already. Get your feelings out into the open and get him off the dime and out to look for a job. Not everyone is "position" material. He can find a "job" if he wants to work.
Good luck.
2006-08-08 12:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by oph_chad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out of the house. If he is not willing to pull his weight - than he needs to ship out. I know that is not an easy thing to do. I had a boyfriend for six years, and he just wouldn't find work. I was in love with him but he thought he could free load on me - that's a no-no. I wasted thousands of dollars on him. I could have used the money on a brand new car. But seriously, if he isn't responsible, you really don't need him permanently in your life - trust me. Get him out while you still can. You want someone who respects you by being a responsible human being, someone who is willing to give and not always take from you. You don't need a leech or a floater. Give him a deadline of getting a job, if he doesn't have any offers, than kick him out.
2006-08-08 12:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by wonderwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I loved my girlfriend and was afraid of losing her so I supported her for a year. She has a lot of medical problems. She ultimately had to move out because I couldn't pay the bills for both of us anymore. I realized that I didn't have to be responsible for her--she did. She now lives with her dad and is trying to get a job. We're still together and working on our relationship. You're aren't doing him any favors by financially babying him. He needs to learn to take care of himself. He might be mad at you but it's the best thing for the both of you. If you wanna talk, email me. smurch18@yahoo.com
2006-08-08 13:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by cuddlebuddy_wanted 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are going to get a roommate to help with bills. Joke you need to make sure he is your type.
If that doesn't get him motivated then follow through. LOL
Just make sure he is younger and good looking so your boyfriend knows you are serious and will start thinking about moving on the job front.
2006-08-08 12:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell him...
and to go even further I would stress that if he loves me wouldn't want me to become burned out, I also agree with Randy W. A younger and attractive male with a job might do the trick as well.
2006-08-08 15:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by Honey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him one night over a good dinner and tell him you need help from him and then hold his hand and look him in his eyes and tell him that you love him and just need him to not be upset or mad but that you really need for him to get some kind of job and help you make ends meet,and if he loves you as much as you really love him, he will understand this and make some kind of way to help you and then things will be better for the both of you.
agree?
2006-08-08 12:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by DENISE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋