I have been with my boyfriend for one year, and he is wonderful to me. The only problem we have is how much he likes to go out. He likes to go to the bar three to four times weekly. He always likes me to come to, but I don't really enjoy it. I have told him this but he still continues to make plans constantly for us to go. I have tried to compromise and deal with it, but I'm worried he will always be like this. I know I can't change him, but how can I get him to realize there is more to life than the bar. We are both young and have children.
2006-08-08 11:41:13 · 5 answers · asked by flirtygeminisweet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
His social life is clearly more important to him than his family.
He is realizing that by being a parent before he is done being a kid, he is abandoning his childhood. He doesn't want to give that up.
He is feeling smothered, monitored, and regulated. He is burning off steam by being actively social. He is shying away from responsibility.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM, SO DEAL WITH IT AND BE MISERABLE, OR MOVE ON AND LEAVE HIM.
Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. You have tried to compromise and told him how you feel. How's that working for you? His actions and behavior have already told you where his priorities are. You can see it, can't you?
You should leave him and collect child support. Why show your children that this type of irresponsibility and abandonment is acceptable? You are showing them that by putting up with it....
Put your childrens' interest before your own, for once. Don't expose them to this....
He knows there is more to life than the bar. He just doesn't want to deal with it. You can't make him. He knows he can't handle it. You and your children deserve much more than he can (or is willing) to give.
Leave him. For the same reasons you only but shoes that are your size....what would be the point of buying shoes 3 sizes too small? Do you think you can make them fit?
Take care!
2006-08-08 11:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to pick up another social activity that both of you can enjoy and do it together at night(I say this because it seems that he welcomes your company ,albeit your aversion of bars.)
If both of you are at least moderately athletic, try indoor rock climbing gyms. Guys find this irresistable and I typically find girls to like it too. It is great workout and builds and intensifies the relationship between the two of you. Furthermore, children can participate too when they grow older.
Another comes to my mind is ballroom dancing, I have had experience with that with an ex a few years ago. It has the relationship building element plus the camaraderie scene similar to a bar environment, without the drinking.
The bottom line is he seems to have a need to do something at night, hence going to bar to get a drink. However, the reason he does that doesn't seem to be wanting to get away from you in order to get some "personal" time alone, if your depiction of his reception to your company is accurate. Given those two facts, I see picking a night time activity that both of you can enjoy is the best way to go.
2006-08-08 11:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by muhaha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His top priority is partying instead of staying home and taking care of his kids like a responsible adult is suppose to do. He needs to grow up and come to that realization himself. Sorry, but he's acting worse than a rebellious teenager.
2006-08-08 11:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not and will not change him. Except it or move on. It's that simple. You will only make things worse if you continue to try to change his ways.
2006-08-08 12:19:46 · answer #4 · answered by Nobody Special 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If nothing helps - then find a new guy. But this time you have to find a 10 year older guy.
2006-08-10 03:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by 88for88 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋