My husband told me last night.?

Question

That he has ejaculated six times this week. I was somewaht offended by it. To some degree because it's not something he normally does.
But we had a baby 5 months ago and I have no desire AT All to be intimate with him.
He had a vasectomy 3 weeks ago so we don't have any more kids.
Should I be offended that he did that on his own and didn't ask me if I would do it for him?

Hank is it? How do you figure I'm selfish when I had an emergency c-section, therefore the no sex desire, if i'm merely trying to get back into the swing of things and it's not going very well?
Also, I have 5 kids, not just a baby.
I still wanted him to be able to come to me and ask if I would do that for him. Just because I don't want to be intmate doesn't mean I won't do things for or to him.

I also have PPD that i'm trying to not let affect my life but it seems to be winning, yes i'm on meds.

Answer 1

Hey, Thanks for the kind words again.
I know a lot about this topic.
Trust me...guys could do it 3 to 4 times a day if it didn't get sore.
It's comforting and it helps us sleep.
I attribute most of my acne-free years to plenty of 'relief',,it's very natural.
Many guys don't want to be a burden, so we hide it from the wives. It's a lot less work and we don't feel like we're taking anything away from you by doing it.
The older we get, the more we need to concentrate & get our rythym going.
Also, don't forget, he may be fantasizing about other 'stuff' (women, situations, emotions), and that's very normal too.
Don't feel bad if he seems less turned-on by you....it's not easy to feel sexual about the "mother-of-my-children". But this will pass.
If you want him to fantasize about you when he does it (which can make it easier to get back on the horse later) make yourself his fantasy.
This can be really easy (sometimes not). I only caution that he can get lost in his fantasies (even with his own wife) and that can be a drag on you. Everything in moderation.
Let me know if you need help becoming his fantasy. It can be really fun.

Answer 2

Just because you have a baby and are not in the mood doesn't me he feels the same way.

He just had a vasectomy. He may be making sure any left over "boys" are getting flushed out of his systems. He may also be making sure things still work as well as before.

5 months is way too long to not have desire. You need to talk to your doctor. Chances are that your hormone levels are not back to normal yet. Your doctor can help with this.

Answer 3

I would probably be offended, but think about it. You already stated you have no desire to be intimate with him. I'm sure he knows that, so why would he ask you to get him off?

This is a hard pill to swallow, dear. I understand how it can be with the new baby and all. Maybe you need some time without the baby so you can feel sexy again. Get a sitter, and you and your husband go out together. Get some sexy lingerie and use your imagination for the rest...

You guys may benefit from some counseling as well.

Answer 4

You just sound tired..speaking as someone who also had a vasectomy i can say this : he will need to ejaculate and often after the surgery for infection prevention and to empty out what is already there. I can understand your feelings also. But try to meet half way and try to at least lend a hand(so to speak) and he too could be a lot less crude in his method of asking.....hope this helps....And chin up tell him to help more so you can relax more and he may get more .... :)

Answer 5

Wow...

By your own admission you said that you have no desire to be intimate with him, so why are you upset??? I'm sure that at some point in the past he approached you and you made this VERY clear to him, so what possible reason would he have to come to you now?!?
Just because you guys had a baby doesn't mean his sexual desire stops if yours does, so be glad he's doing it himself as opposed to going elsewhere to find it. However, I suggest you try to get past this, because trust me there will be temptation out there and over time it will be harder for him to resist if his wife refuses to satisfy him

Answer 6

Honey, don't be offended. Not at all. Don't take it personally. Be happy he took care of himself and did not go outside the home. Think about it. He doesn't always have to ask you to take care of him. I mean gosh, you just had a new baby and you have 5 kids! He's a good husband for not putting more on you. Really, your blowing this out of proportion, let it go.

Answer 7

If you are not in the mood, then he feels he must take care of it himself. And why you would get mad, because he is not bothering you or getting shot down and is doing it himself. I give him alot of credit, at least he isn't cheating! Which is what alot of guys do when they can't get it when they want too!

Your sex drive has decreased because you are learning to become a new mom, and it takes alot of time and stress on your body. You will get it back, and it will come tri-fold!

As for him not sharing.......don't be mad, but if you want him to share even that part of it, tell him next time he feels like it, you want to watch, help or you have the perfect spot for him! Maybe it will turn into more for both of you!

Answer 8

Since you yourself said "I have NO desire AT all to be intimate with him", my guess is he had your feelings in mind and simply took care of himself without thinking he was bothering you. And, after a vasectomy, he wanted to make sure everything still works!! Don't be too upset with him, at least he didn't turn to another woman!!

Answer 9

Have you tried letting him know how you feel? Make sure he knows that you are there to help satisfy that need even if you aren't in the mood to be close. Try telling him that it hurt you that he felt he had to do that on his own..and you never meant to imply that he couldn't come to you. That's probably what I would do...don't beat yourself up though. Feelings are never wrong...I can see why you would be hurt. I have had 2 c-sections and I know how it is...I feel for you. Good luck!

Answer 10

And would you have done it for him? All 6 times? Don't be offended but understand and help the guy out. I'm sure you can think of ways or just leave him be.