What do you do when your ex spouse has a profound hatred for your new spouse....?

Question

My ex husband hates my new fiance with a passion....and chooses not to be within a 10 mile radius of him. He refuses to let me meet his new wife, even though I have nothing against her. My ex is remarried and I have never had the courtesy of meeting his new wife...I think it's only fair since she spends the weekends with my children (but I gave up and let it go). I would be nothing less than congenial to her. My fiance (I call him my husband, he's lived with us over a year) cannot attend any of my childrens' functions....no communion, no baseball games, etc.....and although he is a big part of their lives, he accepts this situation in order to keep peace, he is trying to do what's best for the boys. How long to I have to treat my husband-to-be like an outcast in order to avoid a brawl started by my ex?(he's made public spectacles before) At what point do I say enough and demand that my future husband be present when he wants to be? We just want a peaceful life, to act like adults

PS. I guess I should point out that my fiance doesnt stay away because my ex demands it.....he does it to avoid my children having to see their father taken away in a police car during their birthday party. We're trying to protect the kids.

Answer 1

Sometimes in life there comes a point when enough is enough. And that time has come. What youre doing with your life is of no concern to your ex or vice versa. Bring your fiance to the functions,except maybe your exes family ones, and your ex will just have to grow up and accept it. It sounds like he has moved on and expects you to accept his. Along as the kids are fine with this, the rest doesnt matter. Your ex starts trouble, call the law. He has to grow up sooner or later and accept the fact that you two are over and each of you has a different life now. hes a big boy and must learn he responsible for his actions not you. Keeping the peace may be a good idea but isnt always the best. You cant keep the two guys seperated forever, nor can he keep you away from his new wife either. So quit treating your fiance as an outcast and treat him like your new husband should be, right by your side and not in hiding and to hell with your ex.

Answer 2

Sounds like your ex is doing whatever he thinks is hurtful to you or bothers you. Did you leave and divorce him? If you did, then he hasn't gotten over the bitterness of you leaving him....how dare you not want to be with him. If that is the case, no matter what you do he is always going to try and create conflict. If I were your husband, I would not let him run me off. It wouldn't matter to me that your ex makes an *** out of himself, others will see him as just that and not your husband. He is continuing to do this because he can. Your children will be able to put it all together and see who is at fault here, so I would not be leaving my husband out at all! If the police are involved, he will soon figure out that both of you will not put up with it anymore....it is called assault and battery if he goes that far. You are far past the point of saying enough.....start today!!!!!

Answer 3

You should not be exluding your fiance' for the sake of your EX husband. It sends the message to the ex that he is still in control - and must make your fiance' feel the same way. That is not a good way to start your new life together, especially if he lives with you and your children. If you want them to love and respect him as a parent, he's got to be part of their lives. It undermines his authority with them when he's not "allowed" to be around because 'daddy' says so. This is going to cause you a lot of problems both with your marriage and with your kids.

Ex needs to grow up. Badly.

Answer 4

if you really feel uncomfortable with your kids staying at his place with her around than you should stick up for your rights and when you drop your kids off say"their stuff is really heavy i think that I'll just have to help them with it but if she is at the door than introduce yourself! another option is to call their house at a time when you know he will not be home either way do not give in and let him think that he can control you because you will eventually give out! If you really love your fiance than you should let him come to public activities and not care about a show of spectacles. A good thing to do is to make you ex look bad by saying something like hey what is your problem i divorced you so i wouldn't have to deal with this! and you shouldn't really care if your husband likes your ex because of of coarse he might be jealous of you after all at one time you where married to each other.

Answer 5

Then start acting like adults! How in the hell did "you" allow this to happen. Doesn't your ex have enough on his plate "running his own household"? Let alone telling you what your guy can and can't do. To top it off "YOU ABIDE BY IT"! If that's not having your cake and eating it too.

I really have more question for you than answers. Like, what in the @!#^%$# are you thinking.

You were right about one thing "how long will you treat your husband to be like an outcast"? (sorry if I hurt your feelings)

Answer 6

Well, if its that big of a deal, maybe you should start having one birthday party for your children and your husband should start having a separate one. If your fiance is a part of your children's lives, then he has every right to be there. It is not your ex's choice and he needs to deal with it. There is a reason your split up, and he doesnt get the privledge of approving of your relationships beforehand. You need to tell your ex to grow up, and get over it.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you. I was in a close situation with my ex boyfriend. He and I have a son together and he really hates my husband. I don't know if he is seeing anyone or what but, my husband has been very respectful to him. Dan had tried to pull that mess with me but, my husband stepped in and demanded his respect. I had let Dan control me because when he and I was together he would put his hands on me and control the out come of mine and my boys lives. I woke up one day and said no more. My husband who is an ex marine and in very good physical shape wanted to beat him up because of everything that Dan had put me and the boys through but, he couldn't do that because no only would he stoop to Dan's level but, he would be showing our boys a negative action on how to handle things. So instead my husband talked to Dan and explained that there wouldn't be any more disrespect in public or behind closed doors. That he and I are together and that we are raising these boys in a healthy, stable environment. He had two choices and they were 1- to be a part of it or 2-don't come around any more. Dan chose not to come around any more. The boys are happier and are standing taller because of it. Will this work for everybody, I don't know. But I do agree with some of the others, if you continue to let him control your household, your not letting go of the pain and hurt that he has put you through. Let love come into your life. Real love that has no pain and that is unmeasurable to anyone, not just for yourself but for your boys. I can guareentee that once you do this and remove that negative energy of your ex, then you and your husband will have a better relationship with each other and the kids. If you are still feeling threaten by your ex, take him to court and document what he does, says, and how he acts. If he is this careless then the judge will take note of this controling behavior and change things. I recieved my blessing by leaving Dan completely and I would advise you to do the same for the sake of yourself, your children and your new husband. God bless you and your family.

Answer 8

YOUR NEW HUBBY HAS A RIGHT TO GO ANYWHERE HE DAMN WELL PLEASE YOUR EX CANT STOP HIM FROM BEING ANYWHERE THIS IS AMERICA IF HE WANTS TO ATTEND SOMETHING INVOVLING YOUR KIDS HE CAN THERES NO LAW TO SAY THAT HE CANT AS FAR AS MEETING YOUR EX HUBBY WIFE YOU NEED TO. THIS IS SOMEONE THAT IS AROUND YOUR KIDS YOU NEED TO KNOW HER SO YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MEET HER JUST BECAUSE YOUR EX THINKS SHE IS OK DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU WILL FEEL THE SAME THOSE ARE YOUR KIDS 2 AND YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM OR THEY WOULDNT GO BACK UNTIL YOU DO MEET HER YOUR EX HUBBY IS MEAN TO YOUR NEW HUBBY BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE LOST A GOOD WOMAN AND NOW HE IS REAPING WHAT HE SOW AND HE FIGUERED YOU WOULDNT MOVE ON AND YOU HAVE SO NOW ANOTHER MAN IS WITH HIS KIDS AND ITS EATING HIM UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE MOVED ON SO WHAT WAS YOU SUPPOSE TO DO STAY WITHOUT A MAN I THINK NOT ALL OF YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A TALK ITS FOR THE KIDS SAKE NOT THE ADULTS TELL EX LOOK WE HAVE COME TO AN AGREEMENT OR WE GO TO COURT FOR VISITATION RIGHTS AND LET THE JUDGE HANDLE IT HE WOULD WANT TO SIT DOWN AND HANDLE THIS LIKE A ADULT AND NOT LET THE COURTS COME IN THIS MATTER GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

I'm having the same problem...My ex-husband does not let me meet his new GF...I wouldn't care if she wasn't watching my kids while he's at work..So I really do think that it's only right that i meet her...I'm not saying be friends with her but she is watching my kids and i think it's only right...And now that i have a BF my ex-husband calls me everyday and night asking me personal things about me and my BF...Things like about our sex life and who i think is better in bed him or my BF...I don't answer any of these questions but When it comes to meeting my BF or the kids spending time with me and my BF ...My ex- gets really mad at me..I don't know what's wrong with guy's sometimes..Just try and talk to him and make him understand that it's over between you two and your happier now

Wish you the Best...

Answer 10

This is a hard one the fact you and your ex r still talking and parenting together is great....not a lot of people get to that stage. I would say talk to a counselor about how to make it all work it's just so complicated to try and keep the peace also.